In some sort of weird universal "screw you" to myself, not only am I newly single and planning on moving 3 days after Christmas, I also will be having some dental surgery a few days BEFORE Christmas... Because, life isn't interesting/stressful enough as it is? Needless to say it's beginning to look a lot like nothing over here. Bah freaking humbug. At least my parents are home from Kansas!
I did see a cute meme going around the internets so... in the absence of any real content here I'll leave you with this!
I am currently:
Obsessed with... new sheets, towels, bedding, etc for my new apartment. After 12 years I really want a new clean slate. I'm buying everything in bright crazy girlie colors too - yellow, pink, teal... It's going to look like Barbie's Malibu beach house in there when I'm done.
Reading... I actually just finished The Scorned Wife: Slightly Bitter Never Broken. A Memoir of Love, Betrayal and Laughter by Elle Zober. I've been reading her blog since her for sale by owner real estate sign went viral on FB a few months back. Fabulous read! I'm currently still reading both the biography of Ben Franklin and the newest Diana Gabaldon novella to become available via kindle. I seriously love my kindle.
Looking forward to... being done with the big move! Ugh.
Fashion obsessed with... boots! I've been a big fan of the cowboy boot for ages (as any RL friend of Tiffy could tell you) but recently I've expanded to all sorts of boots, riding boots, motorcycle boots, slouchy suede boots...
Listening to... Probably another non-surprise here but I'm listening to a lot of Pink on repeat these days. LOL I'm seriously NOT listening to any type of Christmas music. Maybe next year?
Thinking about... what exactly life will be like to be single and living alone for the first time in a dozen years or so. I'm kind of nervous and excited at the same time. Also, dating? So, so flipping scary.
Wearing... sweaters, leggings and boots. Unless I have to go to work. It's sort of my new divorcee uniform.
Planning... a vacation. Somewhere warm. With a few girlfriends? It's in the planning infancy stages but definitely on the agenda.
Realizing... I'm going to be ok.
Tuesday, December 18, 2012
Thursday, December 13, 2012
Circle of Life*
Wow. So I totally don't know how it went from being August and me being all "yay I forgot how much I love blogging" to December and I'm like "wtf happened to all the blogging". Actually, that's a lie. I know exactly how that happened. Life is funny sometimes isn't it? I feel like in the last 4 months I've experienced the entire circle of life... A birth, two deaths, three marriages and a divorce. Its been a doozy!
I have been meaning to write separate posts for all of those things. Mainly because I feel like they are all worthy of their own posts and I certainly have enough feelings about them all to cover pages and pages (y'all know how I tend to get a little wordy). But now that so much time has passed I feel almost overwhelmed with it all. So we're going to do a quick brain dump so I can get out all the news and then maybe, just maybe, I'll come back and revisit some of these topics another day.
~My oldest friend Angie and her husband just had their third baby. THIRD. I'm not even sure how we became old enough to be parents. Anyway, I haven't seen the baby yet, mainly because her parents live in Oregon and I'm still stuck in CA (I'm a bad friend but not THAT bad people), but hopefully I will soon. Until then I anxiously await FB photos and the occasional post by some other family member with updates.
~Death, the first. I've written here before about how I used to be super, super involved with a youth group at my church. I've probably (sarcasm) even mentioned how I had a spectacular falling out with all things organized religion. Well. There was a time when I used to be super close to my youth pastor and his wife. Shelly was like... an older sister. Wiser, quieter, nicer than me. There literally isn't a single aspect of my life I can't feel her imprint in. My love of music, signing and performing? Totally from Shelly. She invited me to start a worship team in our youth group, got me an audition for our church choral group, talked me down from my nerves when performing for the first time in public, encouraged me to try out for the first of many musicals... My passion for cooking for a group, the start of my catering career? Absolutely traceable back to helping plan all the meals for 50 youth kids on youth retreats. Shelly would take me with her shopping and invite me to help in the planning and even occasionally the actual cooking and prepping of meals. For crying out loud the woman even taught me how to properly apply mascara! Shelly lost her battle with cancer a few weeks ago and since then not a day goes by that I don't think of some other way she touched my life.
~Death, the second. 2011 was a rough year for my family. My mom lost a niece (my cousin) and TheHusband lost an uncle and my step-father lost his only brother. Here we were THISCLOSE to making it through 2012 with no one in the family passing away when my step-dad's father suffered a fall and passed away last week. I didn't really know Everett but I do know my step-dad Al and I just feel terrible for him. This was the last of his immediate family and I can't even imagine how you deal with something like that... He and my mom have been in Kansas now for a couple of weeks and all I really want to do is give Al a big, fat hug.
~Marriages (all). Doesn't it seem like weddings come in waves? A former co-worker got married in Boston back in October (which I couldn't go to because of money being so tight), our neighbors next door (whom I swore were married all along - funny the assumptions you make) got married the following week and another former co-worker got married the week after that. All with beautiful photos and epic stories and wonderful happily-ever-after type romance. I may come back to this one because I really just feel like I can't do the weddings justice right now. Mainly because of...
~Divorce. Mine. TheHusband (I'll have to come up with a new blog nickname for him now) and I have separated. It was a long, LONG time coming. I move in to my new apartment in two weeks. Until then things are... a little awkward (understatement) at the house but we're committed to getting through this with a minimal amount of fighting and with some semblance of friendship intact. I'm angry and I'm sad. I have good days and bad days. But I'm doing ok. It'll be ok.
*And now you'll have that song in your head for the rest of the day. You're welcome.
I have been meaning to write separate posts for all of those things. Mainly because I feel like they are all worthy of their own posts and I certainly have enough feelings about them all to cover pages and pages (y'all know how I tend to get a little wordy). But now that so much time has passed I feel almost overwhelmed with it all. So we're going to do a quick brain dump so I can get out all the news and then maybe, just maybe, I'll come back and revisit some of these topics another day.
~My oldest friend Angie and her husband just had their third baby. THIRD. I'm not even sure how we became old enough to be parents. Anyway, I haven't seen the baby yet, mainly because her parents live in Oregon and I'm still stuck in CA (I'm a bad friend but not THAT bad people), but hopefully I will soon. Until then I anxiously await FB photos and the occasional post by some other family member with updates.
~Death, the first. I've written here before about how I used to be super, super involved with a youth group at my church. I've probably (sarcasm) even mentioned how I had a spectacular falling out with all things organized religion. Well. There was a time when I used to be super close to my youth pastor and his wife. Shelly was like... an older sister. Wiser, quieter, nicer than me. There literally isn't a single aspect of my life I can't feel her imprint in. My love of music, signing and performing? Totally from Shelly. She invited me to start a worship team in our youth group, got me an audition for our church choral group, talked me down from my nerves when performing for the first time in public, encouraged me to try out for the first of many musicals... My passion for cooking for a group, the start of my catering career? Absolutely traceable back to helping plan all the meals for 50 youth kids on youth retreats. Shelly would take me with her shopping and invite me to help in the planning and even occasionally the actual cooking and prepping of meals. For crying out loud the woman even taught me how to properly apply mascara! Shelly lost her battle with cancer a few weeks ago and since then not a day goes by that I don't think of some other way she touched my life.
~Death, the second. 2011 was a rough year for my family. My mom lost a niece (my cousin) and TheHusband lost an uncle and my step-father lost his only brother. Here we were THISCLOSE to making it through 2012 with no one in the family passing away when my step-dad's father suffered a fall and passed away last week. I didn't really know Everett but I do know my step-dad Al and I just feel terrible for him. This was the last of his immediate family and I can't even imagine how you deal with something like that... He and my mom have been in Kansas now for a couple of weeks and all I really want to do is give Al a big, fat hug.
~Marriages (all). Doesn't it seem like weddings come in waves? A former co-worker got married in Boston back in October (which I couldn't go to because of money being so tight), our neighbors next door (whom I swore were married all along - funny the assumptions you make) got married the following week and another former co-worker got married the week after that. All with beautiful photos and epic stories and wonderful happily-ever-after type romance. I may come back to this one because I really just feel like I can't do the weddings justice right now. Mainly because of...
~Divorce. Mine. TheHusband (I'll have to come up with a new blog nickname for him now) and I have separated. It was a long, LONG time coming. I move in to my new apartment in two weeks. Until then things are... a little awkward (understatement) at the house but we're committed to getting through this with a minimal amount of fighting and with some semblance of friendship intact. I'm angry and I'm sad. I have good days and bad days. But I'm doing ok. It'll be ok.
*And now you'll have that song in your head for the rest of the day. You're welcome.
Thursday, August 23, 2012
Wine! Please?
Oh man could I use a happy hour this week! The first thing I'd mention if we were hanging out over wine would be that TheHusband and I have settled nicely back in to our "sugar mama" and "house husband" roles this week... It’s almost like that whole employment thing was a dream. A cash-flush dream. Don't get me wrong... I'm still an insomniac, constantly nauseous, on the verge of tears stress case over it. But I'm trying to keep my sense of humor because... well... it’s all I've got left between me and a massive melt down. So.
Also, I'm feeling better because I thought originally that there was no way I was going to be able to go on this house boat vacation TheHusband and I planned (and paid for) months ago because I couldn't afford to take the time off of work but I think I've figured out a way. Not that I think I should necessarily be taking vacation at a time like this but I'll tell you, staying home and working while my un-employed husband goes on the vacation that I paid for? That's just asking a little much... I try to put a happy face on everything but there are limits people. Limits.
If we were having wine I'd be forced to admit that the most painful fall out of the back to one income thing has been the fact that I wasn't able to start classes this week. I was wait-listed in two classes but once I sat down to work out the finances for the next couple weeks in light of our reduced income, I realized that there was no way I could justify spending $500 on classes right now. $500 buys a lot of groceries. And gas in the car. I'm just saying. So, as disappointed as I am, I'm making the best of it and have already got my calendar set up to check back for registration dates for the spring semester. Maybe I'll even make it IN to the class next time. Cross your fingers that we're back on solid ground by then!
Over wine I might mention how this glass of wine would pair perfectly with my absolute new favorite recipe ever. Thanks to one of my SIL's I still get Bon Appetit magazine and last month's issue featured all these awesome recipes for tomatoes... OMG you guys. I've made this one dish THREE TIMES! Its so good. Like crave-worthy good. You must try it. You'll thank me. You can find the recipe here: Chicken with Herb-Roasted Tomatoes and Pan Sauce. I just make it all in one pan - cause I hate doing dishes - so first roast the tomatoes and then transfer to a bowl and cook the chicken then transfer those to a plate and make the sauce. I've added mushrooms and kale to mine (separate occasions) and both were fantastic. I think I might just make the tomato part one time and serve over grilled fish. Or omelets for brunch. The possibilities are endless!
Over wine I'd probably tell you how I'm still absolutely in love with my organic food box... Not sure how I managed without it all those years! Local folks - go check it out: Planet Organics. I really wish I had the time to get a planter box in our community garden... I miss having my own tomatoes, peppers and herbs growing. That's definitely on the bucket list.
Speaking of bucket lists... Does anyone actually have one? Cause I'm thinking about starting one. I've been watching along as one of my favorite new found bloggers checks things off of what she calls her "mighty life list". Its inspiring! I mean, I don't know if I would ever really aspire to eating 100's of different kinds of fruits but... I would like to go to Burning Man one day... That definitely has to go on the life list! And I still haven't ever swam with the dolphins... Or finished a complete story. In any size! Not even a novella! Or an article! Something to think about. It'd have to be something I could randomly add stuff too as thoughts occur to me (or I learn of new exciting things to try).
Also, I'm feeling better because I thought originally that there was no way I was going to be able to go on this house boat vacation TheHusband and I planned (and paid for) months ago because I couldn't afford to take the time off of work but I think I've figured out a way. Not that I think I should necessarily be taking vacation at a time like this but I'll tell you, staying home and working while my un-employed husband goes on the vacation that I paid for? That's just asking a little much... I try to put a happy face on everything but there are limits people. Limits.
If we were having wine I'd be forced to admit that the most painful fall out of the back to one income thing has been the fact that I wasn't able to start classes this week. I was wait-listed in two classes but once I sat down to work out the finances for the next couple weeks in light of our reduced income, I realized that there was no way I could justify spending $500 on classes right now. $500 buys a lot of groceries. And gas in the car. I'm just saying. So, as disappointed as I am, I'm making the best of it and have already got my calendar set up to check back for registration dates for the spring semester. Maybe I'll even make it IN to the class next time. Cross your fingers that we're back on solid ground by then!
Over wine I might mention how this glass of wine would pair perfectly with my absolute new favorite recipe ever. Thanks to one of my SIL's I still get Bon Appetit magazine and last month's issue featured all these awesome recipes for tomatoes... OMG you guys. I've made this one dish THREE TIMES! Its so good. Like crave-worthy good. You must try it. You'll thank me. You can find the recipe here: Chicken with Herb-Roasted Tomatoes and Pan Sauce. I just make it all in one pan - cause I hate doing dishes - so first roast the tomatoes and then transfer to a bowl and cook the chicken then transfer those to a plate and make the sauce. I've added mushrooms and kale to mine (separate occasions) and both were fantastic. I think I might just make the tomato part one time and serve over grilled fish. Or omelets for brunch. The possibilities are endless!
Over wine I'd probably tell you how I'm still absolutely in love with my organic food box... Not sure how I managed without it all those years! Local folks - go check it out: Planet Organics. I really wish I had the time to get a planter box in our community garden... I miss having my own tomatoes, peppers and herbs growing. That's definitely on the bucket list.
Speaking of bucket lists... Does anyone actually have one? Cause I'm thinking about starting one. I've been watching along as one of my favorite new found bloggers checks things off of what she calls her "mighty life list". Its inspiring! I mean, I don't know if I would ever really aspire to eating 100's of different kinds of fruits but... I would like to go to Burning Man one day... That definitely has to go on the life list! And I still haven't ever swam with the dolphins... Or finished a complete story. In any size! Not even a novella! Or an article! Something to think about. It'd have to be something I could randomly add stuff too as thoughts occur to me (or I learn of new exciting things to try).
Thursday, August 16, 2012
Wine?
Oh man this week has been a doozy you guys. I wish I could get everyone together and ACTUALLY drink wine and bitch about things... Its therapeutic. You know? But this is fun, pretending, also.
Over a glass of wine I'd probably confess that I've become seriously obsessed with the music by Michael Kiwanuka. Like, been on repeat constantly for the last few days, obsessed. I read a few reviews about him after Outside Lands, which I did not go to but had several friends who attended and lots of bloggers I read went so it was ~almost~ like I was there. But I digress. YouTube this guy. Right. Now. You're welcome.
If we were drinking wine I'd tell you how nervous I am to (possibly) be going back to school. Seriously? First day of school jitters? At 33? WTF. I may or may not be planning to drag TheHusband to the campus over the weekend so I can get a lay out of the buildings and where exactly my classes are. That way I won't feel like a complete moron wandering around in a rush on Monday. Eeek.
When we got to the second glass of wine you'd probably notice that my head was someplace else and I'd finally be forced to spill the beans on the thing that has been all consuming for the last week... Y'all. TheHusband's job? That contract he got until the end of the year, that could possibly turn in to something long term but even if not would help him get back in the work force and buy us some much needed financial breathing room? Its ending. Like, any day now could be his last day, company is going under, "go ahead and send your resume out and let us know if you need time off to interview" ending. At this point we're not even sure he's going to get his last pay check (which was supposed to come yesterday). And no, he doesn't qualify for any more unemployment. I am so...
I'm so not up for talking about it yet. I'm sorry guys. Can I have some more of that wine?
Over a glass of wine I'd probably confess that I've become seriously obsessed with the music by Michael Kiwanuka. Like, been on repeat constantly for the last few days, obsessed. I read a few reviews about him after Outside Lands, which I did not go to but had several friends who attended and lots of bloggers I read went so it was ~almost~ like I was there. But I digress. YouTube this guy. Right. Now. You're welcome.
If we were drinking wine I'd tell you how nervous I am to (possibly) be going back to school. Seriously? First day of school jitters? At 33? WTF. I may or may not be planning to drag TheHusband to the campus over the weekend so I can get a lay out of the buildings and where exactly my classes are. That way I won't feel like a complete moron wandering around in a rush on Monday. Eeek.
When we got to the second glass of wine you'd probably notice that my head was someplace else and I'd finally be forced to spill the beans on the thing that has been all consuming for the last week... Y'all. TheHusband's job? That contract he got until the end of the year, that could possibly turn in to something long term but even if not would help him get back in the work force and buy us some much needed financial breathing room? Its ending. Like, any day now could be his last day, company is going under, "go ahead and send your resume out and let us know if you need time off to interview" ending. At this point we're not even sure he's going to get his last pay check (which was supposed to come yesterday). And no, he doesn't qualify for any more unemployment. I am so...
I'm so not up for talking about it yet. I'm sorry guys. Can I have some more of that wine?
Monday, August 13, 2012
30 Days of Truth - Day 14
Day 14 → A hero that has let you down. (letter)
Dear You,
Been a long time, right? I bet you’re as surprised to hear from me and I am to (hypothetically) be writing you this letter. You’ve actually been in my thoughts quite a bit lately, for reasons that are most likely obvious. Please know that, for all the pain you caused and the anger I’ve held on to towards you, I would never wish for your family to be going through what it is going through at this moment. If I felt capable of prayer I’d pray for you. Instead I just think tons of positive thoughts and send lots of love and mental hugs your way. I think maybe this situation has helped me realize that anger over the past is pointless. The love I once felt for your family is as real now as it ever was. I guess this is what they mean by real forgiveness. I haven’t forgotten, will probably never forget, but I’ve forgiven you and it really and truly no longer matters.
I guess the reason I held on to my anger for so long was that you were one of the first people I ever truly tried to be myself around. Not all the time, mind, but occasionally. I’d let my carefully constructed walls down and let you in. I thought you loved me unconditionally. But the truth is you only loved me so long as I was the perfect kid. You wanted me to be a little mini-you, a leader, and an example for the others. But I couldn’t be that. The stress of it was literally killing me. And after you knew that, that I wasn’t perfect, that I was ill, all I ever felt was disappointment from you. Like I’d let you down? You let ME down.
But, as they say, time heals everything. I’ll never forget the moment when I realized that I was older than you had been when we met. I couldn’t even fathom taking on the responsibilities that you had! To me. To all of us. When I reached that age I thought I’d have everything figured out. That life would make sense and I’d have direction and I’d be on my way to some place… greater. But actually I was just as confused as I ever was, struggling to make ends meet and find direction, find purpose for my life. But you already had a purpose for your life at that age. I am almost jealous that you knew from such a young age what you wanted in life. That you knew how you were meant to change the world. But I imagine that drive came with its own stress. And, with something very like poetic justice, I forgave you for not being perfect. Just how I wished you could have forgiven me all those years ago.
Now I only focus on the fond memories. The camping trips, the love of backpacking, my passion for cooking and feeding people, my love of music (and a penchant for the classics)… I owe all of those things to you and your family. You let me down. But I’m brave enough to admit that I let you down too. And both of us were too young to address it properly at the time. But I love you, and I wish you nothing but the best.
Sincerely,
Me
*****
Day 01 → Something you hate about yourself. - done
Day 02 → Something you love about yourself. - done
Day 03 → Something you have to forgive yourself for. - done
Day 04 → Something you have to forgive someone for. - done
Day 05 → Something you hope to do in your life. - done
Day 06 → Something you hope you never have to do. - done
Day 07 → Someone who has made your life worth living for. - done
Day 08 → Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit. - done
Day 09 → Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted. - done
Day 10 → Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know. - done
Day 11 → Something people seem to compliment you the most on. - done
Day 12 → Something you never get compliments on. - done
Day 13 → A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.) - done
Day 14 → A hero that has let you down. (letter) - done
Day 15 → Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
Day 16 → Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17 → A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18 → Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19 → What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20 → Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21 → (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22 → Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23 → Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24 → Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)
Day 25 → The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26 → Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27 → What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28 → What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29 → Something you hope to change about yourself. And why?
Day 30 → A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself
Dear You,
Been a long time, right? I bet you’re as surprised to hear from me and I am to (hypothetically) be writing you this letter. You’ve actually been in my thoughts quite a bit lately, for reasons that are most likely obvious. Please know that, for all the pain you caused and the anger I’ve held on to towards you, I would never wish for your family to be going through what it is going through at this moment. If I felt capable of prayer I’d pray for you. Instead I just think tons of positive thoughts and send lots of love and mental hugs your way. I think maybe this situation has helped me realize that anger over the past is pointless. The love I once felt for your family is as real now as it ever was. I guess this is what they mean by real forgiveness. I haven’t forgotten, will probably never forget, but I’ve forgiven you and it really and truly no longer matters.
I guess the reason I held on to my anger for so long was that you were one of the first people I ever truly tried to be myself around. Not all the time, mind, but occasionally. I’d let my carefully constructed walls down and let you in. I thought you loved me unconditionally. But the truth is you only loved me so long as I was the perfect kid. You wanted me to be a little mini-you, a leader, and an example for the others. But I couldn’t be that. The stress of it was literally killing me. And after you knew that, that I wasn’t perfect, that I was ill, all I ever felt was disappointment from you. Like I’d let you down? You let ME down.
But, as they say, time heals everything. I’ll never forget the moment when I realized that I was older than you had been when we met. I couldn’t even fathom taking on the responsibilities that you had! To me. To all of us. When I reached that age I thought I’d have everything figured out. That life would make sense and I’d have direction and I’d be on my way to some place… greater. But actually I was just as confused as I ever was, struggling to make ends meet and find direction, find purpose for my life. But you already had a purpose for your life at that age. I am almost jealous that you knew from such a young age what you wanted in life. That you knew how you were meant to change the world. But I imagine that drive came with its own stress. And, with something very like poetic justice, I forgave you for not being perfect. Just how I wished you could have forgiven me all those years ago.
Now I only focus on the fond memories. The camping trips, the love of backpacking, my passion for cooking and feeding people, my love of music (and a penchant for the classics)… I owe all of those things to you and your family. You let me down. But I’m brave enough to admit that I let you down too. And both of us were too young to address it properly at the time. But I love you, and I wish you nothing but the best.
Sincerely,
Me
*****
Day 01 → Something you hate about yourself. - done
Day 02 → Something you love about yourself. - done
Day 03 → Something you have to forgive yourself for. - done
Day 04 → Something you have to forgive someone for. - done
Day 05 → Something you hope to do in your life. - done
Day 06 → Something you hope you never have to do. - done
Day 07 → Someone who has made your life worth living for. - done
Day 08 → Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit. - done
Day 09 → Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted. - done
Day 10 → Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know. - done
Day 11 → Something people seem to compliment you the most on. - done
Day 12 → Something you never get compliments on. - done
Day 13 → A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.) - done
Day 14 → A hero that has let you down. (letter) - done
Day 15 → Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
Day 16 → Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17 → A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18 → Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19 → What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20 → Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21 → (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22 → Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23 → Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24 → Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)
Day 25 → The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26 → Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27 → What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28 → What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29 → Something you hope to change about yourself. And why?
Day 30 → A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself
Thursday, August 09, 2012
Coffee Date (with wine)
You guys! About 4 seconds after I hit publish on last week's coffee date post I realized... I don't meet up with my IRL friends for coffee! I meet them for wine! Or vodka! I mean really. I'm a 30-something woman with no kids... Its time to embrace my inner drunk.
So.
If we were having drinks I'd tell you about how I think I am going to lose my mind if I don't get over this latest bout of insomnia, and fast. I might tell you about how I did something a couple weekends back that I really regret and therefore can't seem to stop thinking about and obsessing over and how its keeping me awake at night. I'd probably tell you that I'm just unhappy right now and I can't figure out how to change it and so that's keeping me up at night. I would joke about how I've read several really good books since I've been keeping myself up at night. I seriously love my kindle. It is insomnia's best friend.
If we were having drinks I'd tell you about how excited I am to be going up to my sister-in-law's houseboat this weekend at Lake Shasta. Its supposed to be roughly one million degrees so I don't really picture myself doing anything other than sitting on a raft in the water and applying massive amounts of sunscreen. Which sounds like the perfect weekend really. I'd probably also explain how we're getting TheHusband some new wheels and tires for his truck while we're up there. I'm looking forward to seeing our friends while that all happens, which is to say, drinking cold beers in the shade with the wife while our husbands slave away jacking up trucks and generally getting sweaty in the heat.
If we were having drinks I'd tell you how I've discovered that having an active social life is directly counter-productive to weight loss/exercise. I've been SUPER good about the eating better but... I've been terrible at the no drinking Monday through Thursday and the keeping up with regular work outs. This week alone I've missed two sessions with the trainer due to lack of sleep - Monday was plain old insomnia but this morning it was due to staying out way the hell too late celebrating a friend/co-worker's birthday last night (read: drinking). I also haven't run at all since last Friday. So while I've had a super fun week (wine tasting, lunch with friends, birthday happy hours) I now feel guilty about the slacking. I'm hoping to get in a few miles tomorrow (another happy hour event with friends tonight) since I'm thinking lake lounging doesn't burn too many calories. And this is why I'm a fat ass.
If we were having drinks I'd tell you about how I've started getting the organic produce box again once a week and LOVE! IT! I used to get it years ago but stopped because we were trying to save money and it was hard to keep up with the amount of food we got without anything spoiling. I decided to start it again because I really want us to spend more time eating at home because its healthier AND cheaper. This week will be my 3rd box (it comes today - yay!) and I can't imagine how I lived without it! Meals at our house are way more creative and much healthier than they have been in recent months. Plus we've saved a ton of money in eating out over the last couple of weeks which is a massive plus in my book.
If we were having drinks I'd probably bore you to tears talking about how thrilled I am that pre-season NFL football begins this weekend. You know I'll be listening to my 49ers take on the Vikings tomorrow night as we drive up north. I am SO. FREAKING. EXCITED! Its a good thing this is just a pre-season game because otherwise we'd have to leave after the game ended (because I insist on watching all the regular season games) and I hate driving in the middle of the night. Sundays are not to be messed with in the Mooney household.
Cheers!
So.
If we were having drinks I'd tell you about how I think I am going to lose my mind if I don't get over this latest bout of insomnia, and fast. I might tell you about how I did something a couple weekends back that I really regret and therefore can't seem to stop thinking about and obsessing over and how its keeping me awake at night. I'd probably tell you that I'm just unhappy right now and I can't figure out how to change it and so that's keeping me up at night. I would joke about how I've read several really good books since I've been keeping myself up at night. I seriously love my kindle. It is insomnia's best friend.
If we were having drinks I'd tell you about how excited I am to be going up to my sister-in-law's houseboat this weekend at Lake Shasta. Its supposed to be roughly one million degrees so I don't really picture myself doing anything other than sitting on a raft in the water and applying massive amounts of sunscreen. Which sounds like the perfect weekend really. I'd probably also explain how we're getting TheHusband some new wheels and tires for his truck while we're up there. I'm looking forward to seeing our friends while that all happens, which is to say, drinking cold beers in the shade with the wife while our husbands slave away jacking up trucks and generally getting sweaty in the heat.
If we were having drinks I'd tell you how I've discovered that having an active social life is directly counter-productive to weight loss/exercise. I've been SUPER good about the eating better but... I've been terrible at the no drinking Monday through Thursday and the keeping up with regular work outs. This week alone I've missed two sessions with the trainer due to lack of sleep - Monday was plain old insomnia but this morning it was due to staying out way the hell too late celebrating a friend/co-worker's birthday last night (read: drinking). I also haven't run at all since last Friday. So while I've had a super fun week (wine tasting, lunch with friends, birthday happy hours) I now feel guilty about the slacking. I'm hoping to get in a few miles tomorrow (another happy hour event with friends tonight) since I'm thinking lake lounging doesn't burn too many calories. And this is why I'm a fat ass.
If we were having drinks I'd tell you about how I've started getting the organic produce box again once a week and LOVE! IT! I used to get it years ago but stopped because we were trying to save money and it was hard to keep up with the amount of food we got without anything spoiling. I decided to start it again because I really want us to spend more time eating at home because its healthier AND cheaper. This week will be my 3rd box (it comes today - yay!) and I can't imagine how I lived without it! Meals at our house are way more creative and much healthier than they have been in recent months. Plus we've saved a ton of money in eating out over the last couple of weeks which is a massive plus in my book.
If we were having drinks I'd probably bore you to tears talking about how thrilled I am that pre-season NFL football begins this weekend. You know I'll be listening to my 49ers take on the Vikings tomorrow night as we drive up north. I am SO. FREAKING. EXCITED! Its a good thing this is just a pre-season game because otherwise we'd have to leave after the game ended (because I insist on watching all the regular season games) and I hate driving in the middle of the night. Sundays are not to be messed with in the Mooney household.
Cheers!
Wednesday, August 08, 2012
If I were...
If I were a month, I'd be April. Its my birthday month and also the first full month of spring which usually means I've survived another winter and lived to tell about it. I HATE winter. Once the holidays are over I don't see any reason we can't just fast forward right through January and February... I also totally believe in that seasonal depression stuff. This girl needs daylight!
If I were a day of the week, I'd be Sunday. Sunday Funday right? Also, football.
If I were a time of day, I'd be sometime in the morning... I'm totally one of those annoying people that is super productive early in the day. I love seeing the sky change colors from night to morning. I love feeling like I've accomplished a ton of stuff before breakfast. I love breakfast!
If I were a planet, I’d be Pluto! You'll always be a planet to me Pluto... Poor, misunderstood Pluto.
If I were an animal, I'd be a dog maybe... I love how excited they get over everything. Also, sleeping in the sun? Definitely one of my top 10 activities!
If I were a direction, I'd be west. Follow the sun baby.
If I were a piece of furniture, I'd be an old fashioned secretary desk. Lady-like and organized. You know, just like me in real life... ha!
If I were a liquid, I'd be wine. Because life is too short to not drink wine.
If I were a gemstone, I'd be an opal? Are opals gemstones? I love them, all liquid fire and ice and seeming to change every time you look at them. Or maybe a diamond - but only if I could be conflict free. It would be nice to be that strong.
If I were a tree, I'd be a magnolia. Tall with shiny green leaves and giant, sweet-smelling flowers, providing shade on a hot, humid summer day.
If I were a tool, I'd be a swiss-army knife. Or maybe a leatherman. Multi-faceted and useful in a variety of situations.
If I were a flower, I’d be forget-me-nots. For obvious reasons.
If I were a kind of weather, I'd be bright and beautiful sunshine!
If I were a musical instrument, I'd be a guitar. Preferably one being passed around a campfire amongst a group of friends. Or sitting on a front porch strumming out a love song.
If I were a color, I'd be orange. Bright, warm and somewhat obnoxious.
If I were an emotion, I'd be love. Because there can never be enough love.
If I were a fruit, I'd be blackberries from my grandma's front yard, warm from the sun. That perfect blend between tart and sweet. We used to pick them when we were kids, my cousins and me. One for the bucket and one for the mouth, until we were sick. And then... cobbler!
If I were a sound, I'd be laughter.
If I were an element, I'd be livermorium. Right? How many people's hometown's have their own element? Pretty darn cool.
If I were a car, I’d be a mid-1950's Chevy Bel Air. Convertible. Teal and white. All white leather interior. Yeah baby.
If I were a food, I'd be something spicy! I swear I was Mexican in another life. Everything is better with salsa right?
If I were a place, I'd be the beach. Blue sky, warm salty water, white sand... Bonus points for a cabana boy in red bikini pants bringing cocktails with little umbrellas. Or in a coconut.
If I were a material, I'd be corduroy - I love that "swish, swish" sound corduroy pants make when you walk. Plus its durable... I like stuff that's sturdy.
If I were a taste, I’d be spicy! Feelin' hot, Hot, HOT!
If I were a scent, I'd be that fresh smell right before it starts raining, or the smell of wood smoke from a fire place, or the smell of garlic and onions sauteing on the stove... I could go on with this one for ever! Apparently I like smells.
If I were a body part, I'd be the brain. Because I like to constantly be learning new things and having new experiences. Making new memories. Truth - I'm more terrified of getting Alzheimer's or some other form of dementia where I lose my memory/mind than I am of any other part of aging.
If I were a facial expression, I'd be a smile. Because as Cat Deeley so wonderfully put it, "as long as you smile, have sparkly eyes and stick your shoulders back, nobody's going to notice your bum or your waist or your feet, for that matter."
If I were a pair of shoes, I’d be sky high stilettos. Since I'm not even 5'2" a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do. Plus, how sexy are high heels? Am I right ladies? I just FEEL sexy in them. And they always fit... Unlike my pants.
If I were a day of the week, I'd be Sunday. Sunday Funday right? Also, football.
If I were a time of day, I'd be sometime in the morning... I'm totally one of those annoying people that is super productive early in the day. I love seeing the sky change colors from night to morning. I love feeling like I've accomplished a ton of stuff before breakfast. I love breakfast!
If I were a planet, I’d be Pluto! You'll always be a planet to me Pluto... Poor, misunderstood Pluto.
If I were an animal, I'd be a dog maybe... I love how excited they get over everything. Also, sleeping in the sun? Definitely one of my top 10 activities!
If I were a direction, I'd be west. Follow the sun baby.
If I were a piece of furniture, I'd be an old fashioned secretary desk. Lady-like and organized. You know, just like me in real life... ha!
If I were a liquid, I'd be wine. Because life is too short to not drink wine.
If I were a gemstone, I'd be an opal? Are opals gemstones? I love them, all liquid fire and ice and seeming to change every time you look at them. Or maybe a diamond - but only if I could be conflict free. It would be nice to be that strong.
If I were a tree, I'd be a magnolia. Tall with shiny green leaves and giant, sweet-smelling flowers, providing shade on a hot, humid summer day.
If I were a tool, I'd be a swiss-army knife. Or maybe a leatherman. Multi-faceted and useful in a variety of situations.
If I were a flower, I’d be forget-me-nots. For obvious reasons.
If I were a kind of weather, I'd be bright and beautiful sunshine!
If I were a musical instrument, I'd be a guitar. Preferably one being passed around a campfire amongst a group of friends. Or sitting on a front porch strumming out a love song.
If I were a color, I'd be orange. Bright, warm and somewhat obnoxious.
If I were an emotion, I'd be love. Because there can never be enough love.
If I were a fruit, I'd be blackberries from my grandma's front yard, warm from the sun. That perfect blend between tart and sweet. We used to pick them when we were kids, my cousins and me. One for the bucket and one for the mouth, until we were sick. And then... cobbler!
If I were a sound, I'd be laughter.
If I were an element, I'd be livermorium. Right? How many people's hometown's have their own element? Pretty darn cool.
If I were a car, I’d be a mid-1950's Chevy Bel Air. Convertible. Teal and white. All white leather interior. Yeah baby.
If I were a food, I'd be something spicy! I swear I was Mexican in another life. Everything is better with salsa right?
If I were a place, I'd be the beach. Blue sky, warm salty water, white sand... Bonus points for a cabana boy in red bikini pants bringing cocktails with little umbrellas. Or in a coconut.
If I were a material, I'd be corduroy - I love that "swish, swish" sound corduroy pants make when you walk. Plus its durable... I like stuff that's sturdy.
If I were a taste, I’d be spicy! Feelin' hot, Hot, HOT!
If I were a scent, I'd be that fresh smell right before it starts raining, or the smell of wood smoke from a fire place, or the smell of garlic and onions sauteing on the stove... I could go on with this one for ever! Apparently I like smells.
If I were a body part, I'd be the brain. Because I like to constantly be learning new things and having new experiences. Making new memories. Truth - I'm more terrified of getting Alzheimer's or some other form of dementia where I lose my memory/mind than I am of any other part of aging.
If I were a facial expression, I'd be a smile. Because as Cat Deeley so wonderfully put it, "as long as you smile, have sparkly eyes and stick your shoulders back, nobody's going to notice your bum or your waist or your feet, for that matter."
If I were a pair of shoes, I’d be sky high stilettos. Since I'm not even 5'2" a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do. Plus, how sexy are high heels? Am I right ladies? I just FEEL sexy in them. And they always fit... Unlike my pants.
Monday, August 06, 2012
30 Days of Truth - Day 13
Thought I'd pick this thing up where I left off and then promptly remembered why I'd stopped where I did. Good lord some of this truth stuff is hard!
Day 13 → A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)
Dear Alecia,
I know, I know, I’m taking a huge liberty in calling you by your given name but, while pink IS my signature color, I have this sneaking suspicion that your BFFs don’t call you by your stage name and since I seriously think we could be BFFs… Anyway, I hope you don’t mind! Because seriously, if your lyrics are as personal to you as they have been to ME, we are living the same life. We’re even of similar age (I’m slightly older but I’d deny that in public).
LA told me, "You'll be a pop star, all you have to change is everything you are."
*Don’t Let Me Get Me, Missundaztood 2001
Oh man did I feel this lyric… I spent most of my teenage years trying (and failing miserably) to be someone I wasn’t, to fit in to the mold of who I thought people wanted me to be. Turns out I was just making people upset because I wasn’t what they wanted and making myself miserable because I was trying to be something I’m just… not. I used to blare this song, driving around with the top down in my car and think, “f@$% that! Everything I am is perfect!”
Run just as fast as I can, To the middle of nowhere, To the middle of my frustrated fears, And I swear you're just like a pill, 'Stead of makin' me better, you keep makin' me ill, You keep makin' me ill
*Just Like a Pill, Missundaztood 2001
This song made me realize just how toxic my relationship was with my ex. You know how, after you’ve spent so much time with someone, and at such a young age, you start to literally think you can’t go on without them in your life? No matter how toxic and belittling they are to you? Yeah. Me too. Thanks for making me realize that those types of relationships are just about as good for me as a drug addiction. This song was Step 1 in my 12 step program to get out of that for good.
If someone said three years from now, You'd be long gone, I'd stand up and punch them out, Cause they're all wrong
*Who Knew, I’m Not Dead 2006
This song hit the airwaves right as my long-term relationship with a live-in-boyfriend was crumbling around me. It was so lonely there in that place… Where everyone looks at your relationship and thinks it’s so perfect, when YOU thought it was so perfect. Sometimes perceptions are deceiving. After thinking something was going to last forever, the thought that it might not was a heavy burden to bear alone. Who knew?
I guess I just lost my husband, I don’t know where he went, So I’m going to drink my money, I’m not going to pay his rent… I’m alright, I’m just fine, And you’re a tool, So, so what, I am a rock star, I got my rock moves, and I don’t need you tonight
*So What, Funhouse 2008
Long-term relationship turned marriage. God I felt for you when I heard you and Carey had separated. Every emotion that came out of this song echoed SO close to home for me. I used to just sit in my car and listen to this whole album on repeat, over and over. When I heard you guys got back together and we’re making a go of it I started to have hope that my husband and I could make a clean start and move on also. If someone else can come back from something like that surely so can I right?
I don’t wanna be the girl that laughs the loudest, Or the girl who never wants to be alone, I don’t wanna be the girl that has to fill the silence, The quiet scares me cause it screams the truth, When its good then its good, its so good til it goes bad, til you’re trying to find the you that you once had
*Sober, Funhouse 2008
I can be so mean when I wanna be, I am capable of really anything, I can cut you in to pieces, But my heart is broken, How did I become so obnoxious? What is it with you that makes me act like this? I’ve never been this nasty
*Please Don’t Leave Me, Funhouse 2008
Did you intentionally name this album Funhouse because it dealt with so many un-fun topics? I’ve always wondered since I myself am so fond of the sarcasm. Also, I sort of wondered if you had been spying on me for these songs. Did you know that they, word for word, emotion for emotion, describe me? Just for the record, this is the only time I have ever admitted any of these things out loud. I hadn’t even admitted them to myself and then (holy hell woman) there you were just standing on stage at the AMA’s singing Sober, ripping my heart out.
I guess I just wanted to say thanks. Thanks for all the snarky, hilarious songs that make me want to sing along and act like a crazy person in my car. Thanks for all the soul-bearing lyrics that truly touched me. Thanks for… making me feel like I’m not the only too-loud, non-people pleasing but perfectly normal person out there. Thanks for making me feel like a rock star.
Sincerely (really),
Tiffany
*****
Day 01 → Something you hate about yourself. - done
Day 02 → Something you love about yourself. - done
Day 03 → Something you have to forgive yourself for. - done
Day 04 → Something you have to forgive someone for. - done
Day 05 → Something you hope to do in your life. - done
Day 06 → Something you hope you never have to do. - done
Day 07 → Someone who has made your life worth living for. - done
Day 08 → Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit. - done
Day 09 → Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted. - done
Day 10 → Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know. - done
Day 11 → Something people seem to compliment you the most on. - done
Day 12 → Something you never get compliments on. - done
Day 13 → A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.) - done
Day 14 → A hero that has let you down. (letter)
Day 15 → Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
Day 16 → Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17 → A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18 → Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19 → What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20 → Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21 → (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22 → Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23 → Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24 → Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)
Day 25 → The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26 → Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27 → What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28 → What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29 → Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30 → A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself
Day 13 → A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)
Dear Alecia,
I know, I know, I’m taking a huge liberty in calling you by your given name but, while pink IS my signature color, I have this sneaking suspicion that your BFFs don’t call you by your stage name and since I seriously think we could be BFFs… Anyway, I hope you don’t mind! Because seriously, if your lyrics are as personal to you as they have been to ME, we are living the same life. We’re even of similar age (I’m slightly older but I’d deny that in public).
LA told me, "You'll be a pop star, all you have to change is everything you are."
*Don’t Let Me Get Me, Missundaztood 2001
Oh man did I feel this lyric… I spent most of my teenage years trying (and failing miserably) to be someone I wasn’t, to fit in to the mold of who I thought people wanted me to be. Turns out I was just making people upset because I wasn’t what they wanted and making myself miserable because I was trying to be something I’m just… not. I used to blare this song, driving around with the top down in my car and think, “f@$% that! Everything I am is perfect!”
Run just as fast as I can, To the middle of nowhere, To the middle of my frustrated fears, And I swear you're just like a pill, 'Stead of makin' me better, you keep makin' me ill, You keep makin' me ill
*Just Like a Pill, Missundaztood 2001
This song made me realize just how toxic my relationship was with my ex. You know how, after you’ve spent so much time with someone, and at such a young age, you start to literally think you can’t go on without them in your life? No matter how toxic and belittling they are to you? Yeah. Me too. Thanks for making me realize that those types of relationships are just about as good for me as a drug addiction. This song was Step 1 in my 12 step program to get out of that for good.
If someone said three years from now, You'd be long gone, I'd stand up and punch them out, Cause they're all wrong
*Who Knew, I’m Not Dead 2006
This song hit the airwaves right as my long-term relationship with a live-in-boyfriend was crumbling around me. It was so lonely there in that place… Where everyone looks at your relationship and thinks it’s so perfect, when YOU thought it was so perfect. Sometimes perceptions are deceiving. After thinking something was going to last forever, the thought that it might not was a heavy burden to bear alone. Who knew?
I guess I just lost my husband, I don’t know where he went, So I’m going to drink my money, I’m not going to pay his rent… I’m alright, I’m just fine, And you’re a tool, So, so what, I am a rock star, I got my rock moves, and I don’t need you tonight
*So What, Funhouse 2008
Long-term relationship turned marriage. God I felt for you when I heard you and Carey had separated. Every emotion that came out of this song echoed SO close to home for me. I used to just sit in my car and listen to this whole album on repeat, over and over. When I heard you guys got back together and we’re making a go of it I started to have hope that my husband and I could make a clean start and move on also. If someone else can come back from something like that surely so can I right?
I don’t wanna be the girl that laughs the loudest, Or the girl who never wants to be alone, I don’t wanna be the girl that has to fill the silence, The quiet scares me cause it screams the truth, When its good then its good, its so good til it goes bad, til you’re trying to find the you that you once had
*Sober, Funhouse 2008
I can be so mean when I wanna be, I am capable of really anything, I can cut you in to pieces, But my heart is broken, How did I become so obnoxious? What is it with you that makes me act like this? I’ve never been this nasty
*Please Don’t Leave Me, Funhouse 2008
Did you intentionally name this album Funhouse because it dealt with so many un-fun topics? I’ve always wondered since I myself am so fond of the sarcasm. Also, I sort of wondered if you had been spying on me for these songs. Did you know that they, word for word, emotion for emotion, describe me? Just for the record, this is the only time I have ever admitted any of these things out loud. I hadn’t even admitted them to myself and then (holy hell woman) there you were just standing on stage at the AMA’s singing Sober, ripping my heart out.
I guess I just wanted to say thanks. Thanks for all the snarky, hilarious songs that make me want to sing along and act like a crazy person in my car. Thanks for all the soul-bearing lyrics that truly touched me. Thanks for… making me feel like I’m not the only too-loud, non-people pleasing but perfectly normal person out there. Thanks for making me feel like a rock star.
Sincerely (really),
Tiffany
*****
Day 01 → Something you hate about yourself. - done
Day 02 → Something you love about yourself. - done
Day 03 → Something you have to forgive yourself for. - done
Day 04 → Something you have to forgive someone for. - done
Day 05 → Something you hope to do in your life. - done
Day 06 → Something you hope you never have to do. - done
Day 07 → Someone who has made your life worth living for. - done
Day 08 → Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit. - done
Day 09 → Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted. - done
Day 10 → Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know. - done
Day 11 → Something people seem to compliment you the most on. - done
Day 12 → Something you never get compliments on. - done
Day 13 → A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.) - done
Day 14 → A hero that has let you down. (letter)
Day 15 → Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
Day 16 → Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17 → A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18 → Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19 → What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20 → Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21 → (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22 → Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23 → Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24 → Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)
Day 25 → The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26 → Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27 → What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28 → What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29 → Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30 → A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself
Thursday, August 02, 2012
Coffee Date
Even though I have sorely neglected my own piece of the internets here, I have been keeping up with other people's blogs (and even have found a few new ones). I guess I'm a better blog follower than blogger? I just love reading people's stories and ideas. Anyway, I can't find the origin of this particular thing but I noticed a few bloggers out there do this "coffee date" blog post every week... The idea is to be able to get out lots of little things you would say to a friend over coffee but without the formality of a well thought out post. Sounds like its right up my alley!
So...
If we were out having coffee I'd tell you all about this new program I've been accepted into at the local community college. Its an Enology and Viticulture program, which basically is fancy-pants lingo for the study of wine, wine making and so on. I might bitch a little about how I have applied for this program THREE seperate times and every time I get accepted they set my registration date so flippin late that by the time I go in not only are ALL the classes full but all the wait lists are full also. But then I'd be excited because I'm numbers 5 & 6 respectively on the wait lists for the two classes I'm trying to get in to and according to a couple friends who are in the program currently, the professors always let the wait listed folks in if they show up on the first day of class. I might also mention that I'm just that tad bit nervous about going back to school... Am I too old for this?
If we were having coffee I'd tell you about the job I *almost* got that I thought I really wanted but then decided I really didn't... Its funny how people's priorities change over time right? And how sometimes you don't even realize your priorities have changed until something smacks you upside the head to make you notice? Five years ago this would have been my absolute dream job... Today? Not so much it seems.
If we were having coffee I'd tell you that I finally (!) wore high heels to work this week for the first time since spectacularly spraining my ankle in Mexico 9 weeks ago. It was only one day but hey, baby steps right? I'd probably brag about my 4-6 mile run/walks that I'd been adding to my training regime now that my ankle doesn't swell up painfully every night, in the hopes of shedding some of this extra "padding" on my belly. I might also spend some time day dreaming about Mexico... Though in my day dreams I wouldn't look pregnant. Or like Shamu in a two-piece.
If we were having coffee I'd tell you about that time I decided that maybe, just maybe, I should go buy myself a pair of pants in the next bigger size, just to tide me over with something comfortable to wear while I'm in the midst of yet another great weight loss fight. I may or may not mention that I actually ended up buying myself 3 pairs of pants (on sale though) that were 2 or 3 sizes bigger than anything else in my closet. No wonder I feel like such a fat ass getting ready for work in the mornings! Actually, on second thought, I probably would not share this story about the never-to-be-discussed larger size pants if we were at coffee... No one likes to see a grown woman cry into her Americano.
If we were having coffee I'd want to hear all about what YOU'VE been up to!
So...
If we were out having coffee I'd tell you all about this new program I've been accepted into at the local community college. Its an Enology and Viticulture program, which basically is fancy-pants lingo for the study of wine, wine making and so on. I might bitch a little about how I have applied for this program THREE seperate times and every time I get accepted they set my registration date so flippin late that by the time I go in not only are ALL the classes full but all the wait lists are full also. But then I'd be excited because I'm numbers 5 & 6 respectively on the wait lists for the two classes I'm trying to get in to and according to a couple friends who are in the program currently, the professors always let the wait listed folks in if they show up on the first day of class. I might also mention that I'm just that tad bit nervous about going back to school... Am I too old for this?
If we were having coffee I'd tell you about the job I *almost* got that I thought I really wanted but then decided I really didn't... Its funny how people's priorities change over time right? And how sometimes you don't even realize your priorities have changed until something smacks you upside the head to make you notice? Five years ago this would have been my absolute dream job... Today? Not so much it seems.
If we were having coffee I'd tell you that I finally (!) wore high heels to work this week for the first time since spectacularly spraining my ankle in Mexico 9 weeks ago. It was only one day but hey, baby steps right? I'd probably brag about my 4-6 mile run/walks that I'd been adding to my training regime now that my ankle doesn't swell up painfully every night, in the hopes of shedding some of this extra "padding" on my belly. I might also spend some time day dreaming about Mexico... Though in my day dreams I wouldn't look pregnant. Or like Shamu in a two-piece.
If we were having coffee I'd tell you about that time I decided that maybe, just maybe, I should go buy myself a pair of pants in the next bigger size, just to tide me over with something comfortable to wear while I'm in the midst of yet another great weight loss fight. I may or may not mention that I actually ended up buying myself 3 pairs of pants (on sale though) that were 2 or 3 sizes bigger than anything else in my closet. No wonder I feel like such a fat ass getting ready for work in the mornings! Actually, on second thought, I probably would not share this story about the never-to-be-discussed larger size pants if we were at coffee... No one likes to see a grown woman cry into her Americano.
If we were having coffee I'd want to hear all about what YOU'VE been up to!
Wednesday, August 01, 2012
Wow. I hardly recognize it here!
So you take a year (!) off from blogging and everything changes? I hardly recognize my own blog! What is this new Blogger Dashboard? Things look so... different? I'll be honest - I almost just stopped right here when I saw this new unfamiliar lay out but then I thought... This is my own damn fault. I've been away too long. I have really missed this little space of my own on the interwebs.
But I'm back - I promise. I have loads of exciting things to share. Lots of big changes going on in the land of Tiffy. Good changes. Bad changes. Scary as f&@k changes. But at least things are finally moving... And moving forward is better than standing still any day.
Right?
But I'm back - I promise. I have loads of exciting things to share. Lots of big changes going on in the land of Tiffy. Good changes. Bad changes. Scary as f&@k changes. But at least things are finally moving... And moving forward is better than standing still any day.
Right?
Thursday, October 06, 2011
RIP Steve Jobs
You guys. The universe is seriously speaking to me. There have been more signs in the last year about how my life is REALLY off track and all this unhappiness and misery I feel can and should be changed. There need to be some changes!
Sad news yesterday about Steve Jobs. Truly the brightest bulbs always burn out the fastest. I have a handful of quotes from Steve Jobs over the years, one of which I posted on FB earlier, here is my other favorite:
"Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven't found it yet, keep looking. Don't settle. As with all matters of the heart, you'll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on."
Don't settle.
I'm totally settling and I HATE it. I want to live less for a paycheck and more for a passion. I'm tired of having my dreams called "foolish" or "unsustainable". Money isn't everything, in fact I'm learning more and more that its not even a top contending thing. I'm sick of people telling me I can't do what I want. Be happy for me or get the hell out of my way.
How many times do I have to hear this before I ACTUALLY tell the world to screw it and move on with my life? How many messages from the universe can I ignore?
I'm listening...
Sad news yesterday about Steve Jobs. Truly the brightest bulbs always burn out the fastest. I have a handful of quotes from Steve Jobs over the years, one of which I posted on FB earlier, here is my other favorite:
"Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven't found it yet, keep looking. Don't settle. As with all matters of the heart, you'll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on."
Don't settle.
I'm totally settling and I HATE it. I want to live less for a paycheck and more for a passion. I'm tired of having my dreams called "foolish" or "unsustainable". Money isn't everything, in fact I'm learning more and more that its not even a top contending thing. I'm sick of people telling me I can't do what I want. Be happy for me or get the hell out of my way.
How many times do I have to hear this before I ACTUALLY tell the world to screw it and move on with my life? How many messages from the universe can I ignore?
I'm listening...
Monday, July 18, 2011
Conversations with a ghost
TheHusband and I spent all day yesterday in Roseville, celebrating the life of his step-uncle Dave Brigham with assorted friends and family. I have to say, I can only hope that at my memorial service there are so many amazing stories, so much laughter, so much love. I had the pleasure of knowing Dave for the last 8 years or so (TheHusband and I were a little slow on the whole meet the family thing - especially because his family consists of hundreds of people and complicated "how are we related again" lines) though I feel like the last time I saw him, in Oregon a few weeks ago, was the first time I really had a serious conversation with the man. And man, am I grateful for it.
I used to tell TheHusband that every time I spent time with Dave and his wife Mary that I was in awe of the love and acceptance that just seemed to radiate from them. I would joke that I just wanted to sit in their presence and let some of their positivity wear off on me. Like maybe I could absorb it into my own life somehow through osmosis? The love between them was almost a tangible object, their way of looking at life and the situations around them was amazingly positive. I felt that not only were they constantly working towards making themselves better, but they also wanted you to be better, experience more happpiness and love in your life as well.
As someone mentioned at the memorial yesterday (another nephew - I think) the unspoken code of nature is to "leave it better than you found it". I've known this since the very first camping/back-packing trip I ever took as a child. Dave was a great lover of the outdoors, of the mountains, someone who saw the connection between nature and spirituality every day, in every instance. As a legacy to the type of person he was, I think that every one in that room yesterday nodded in agreement that Dave left each of us better than he found us. I truly feel privledged to have known him and I am better for it.
Needless to say, in the 10 days since his death I have replayed our final conversation over and over in my head. Y'all. I have even dreamed of this conversation. I wish I had asked more questions, paid more attention, given more thought to my side of the dialogue instead of using the same flippant answers I always do when asked about what I want out of life. Because the thing is, I actually got the feeling from Dave that he CARED about my answers, that he wasn't just making polite conversation, that he genuinely wanted me to find happiness. If I had known it would be my last chance to talk with him I think I would have done it differently. But that's the lesson isn't it? You never know if you'll get another chance to say the things you want to say, or ask the questions you need answered, or just sit and absorb another person's personality and love.
Lesson learned.
This morning on the way to work I actually had a one-sided conversation with Dave. I tried to pick it up where we left off, and using some of the insight in to his character that I gained from listening to his many friends and family members speak yesterday, I asked some follow up questions. I know that sounds insane. I do. But y'all, if nothing else, I want to try and reach the idealized place of happiness with myself, my life, my family and my relationships that Dave had. I need to refocus, re-evaluate and shift my priorities to make it happen. But I will. In memory of Dave. It can be my small way of remembering him, of keeping his spirit alive.
Dave's sons both spoke about their father yesterday and the youngest closed his portion with the Bible verse most commonly associated with weddings, 1 Corinthians 13. He mentioned that, to him, his father emulated all of these things in his life. What a powerful legacy to have left behind right?
1 Corinthians 13
1 If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. 3 If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing. 4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
I used to tell TheHusband that every time I spent time with Dave and his wife Mary that I was in awe of the love and acceptance that just seemed to radiate from them. I would joke that I just wanted to sit in their presence and let some of their positivity wear off on me. Like maybe I could absorb it into my own life somehow through osmosis? The love between them was almost a tangible object, their way of looking at life and the situations around them was amazingly positive. I felt that not only were they constantly working towards making themselves better, but they also wanted you to be better, experience more happpiness and love in your life as well.
As someone mentioned at the memorial yesterday (another nephew - I think) the unspoken code of nature is to "leave it better than you found it". I've known this since the very first camping/back-packing trip I ever took as a child. Dave was a great lover of the outdoors, of the mountains, someone who saw the connection between nature and spirituality every day, in every instance. As a legacy to the type of person he was, I think that every one in that room yesterday nodded in agreement that Dave left each of us better than he found us. I truly feel privledged to have known him and I am better for it.
Needless to say, in the 10 days since his death I have replayed our final conversation over and over in my head. Y'all. I have even dreamed of this conversation. I wish I had asked more questions, paid more attention, given more thought to my side of the dialogue instead of using the same flippant answers I always do when asked about what I want out of life. Because the thing is, I actually got the feeling from Dave that he CARED about my answers, that he wasn't just making polite conversation, that he genuinely wanted me to find happiness. If I had known it would be my last chance to talk with him I think I would have done it differently. But that's the lesson isn't it? You never know if you'll get another chance to say the things you want to say, or ask the questions you need answered, or just sit and absorb another person's personality and love.
Lesson learned.
This morning on the way to work I actually had a one-sided conversation with Dave. I tried to pick it up where we left off, and using some of the insight in to his character that I gained from listening to his many friends and family members speak yesterday, I asked some follow up questions. I know that sounds insane. I do. But y'all, if nothing else, I want to try and reach the idealized place of happiness with myself, my life, my family and my relationships that Dave had. I need to refocus, re-evaluate and shift my priorities to make it happen. But I will. In memory of Dave. It can be my small way of remembering him, of keeping his spirit alive.
Dave's sons both spoke about their father yesterday and the youngest closed his portion with the Bible verse most commonly associated with weddings, 1 Corinthians 13. He mentioned that, to him, his father emulated all of these things in his life. What a powerful legacy to have left behind right?
1 Corinthians 13
1 If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. 3 If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing. 4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Thursday, July 14, 2011
Stress
Lordy folks - it has been a busy, stressful summer! Even though it has only been warm and "summer-like" for roughly one week and its now mid-July (yes, I am complaining about the weather). I can't believe all of the things that have gone right, gone wrong or just gone on. Yes I realize I've left off the 30 days of truth thing in the middle but I promise I shall be retruning to that soon enough. In the meantime let me catch you all up on the things that are taking my time away from writing...
1) Vacation. TheHusband and I took 10 days late last month and spent a couple days at Lake Shasta, then a few days in Oregon for a family reunion (plus our anniversary and my FIL's 60th birthday) then back to the lake for extended birthday festivities and the 4th of July. Oregon was relaxing, the lake is always fun and I REALLY needed the time away from work so all in all it was a good time.
2) Sick kitty. After being gone for 10 days, we were home for roughly 36 hours when we noticed that TheCat was not well (aside from being pissed at us for leaving him) so we took him to the vet and ended up having to leave him there for 3 days. We eventually brought him home for monitoring over the weekend (with a catheter - joy!) and then back he went to the vet Monday for a final appointment. Needless to say he hasn't left my side any longer than strictly necessary since then. Also, I realize that I am obscenely attached to my cat. I seriosuly missed him and worried non-stop while he was at the vet. Its amazing how much his furry little presence adds to my life.
3) Death. One of my step-MIL's brothers passed away unexpectedly last week and the whole family has been in constant memorial planning upheveal ever since. We actually got to spent time with Dave while we were in Oregon for vacay and I'm so utterly thankful for it. Dave and his wife Mary are quite possibly the most positive, encouraging and spiritual people I know. Dave's passion for life and the love between he and Mary was inspiring. The news hit us all very hard and I still can't quite believe he's gone.
4) Super secret planning. Ok I can't really get in to the details here on this one. Lets just say that I've been working on a new project (together with several other people) and I'm thrilled to finally be taking steps to get the hell out of this soul-sucking corporate job and move on with my life. Its going to be awhile yet before I can make the full switch (see: unemployed husband) but there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I'll share more details when I can but... Its good times y'all.
5) Soul-sucking corporate job. Busy. Very, very busy. Also, did I mention I hate it? And I have a numbingly long commute? To avoid sounding like a broken record I'll stop there (there are plenty of posts in the archives about how much I hate my job) and just say again - busy. Send wine.
1) Vacation. TheHusband and I took 10 days late last month and spent a couple days at Lake Shasta, then a few days in Oregon for a family reunion (plus our anniversary and my FIL's 60th birthday) then back to the lake for extended birthday festivities and the 4th of July. Oregon was relaxing, the lake is always fun and I REALLY needed the time away from work so all in all it was a good time.
2) Sick kitty. After being gone for 10 days, we were home for roughly 36 hours when we noticed that TheCat was not well (aside from being pissed at us for leaving him) so we took him to the vet and ended up having to leave him there for 3 days. We eventually brought him home for monitoring over the weekend (with a catheter - joy!) and then back he went to the vet Monday for a final appointment. Needless to say he hasn't left my side any longer than strictly necessary since then. Also, I realize that I am obscenely attached to my cat. I seriosuly missed him and worried non-stop while he was at the vet. Its amazing how much his furry little presence adds to my life.
3) Death. One of my step-MIL's brothers passed away unexpectedly last week and the whole family has been in constant memorial planning upheveal ever since. We actually got to spent time with Dave while we were in Oregon for vacay and I'm so utterly thankful for it. Dave and his wife Mary are quite possibly the most positive, encouraging and spiritual people I know. Dave's passion for life and the love between he and Mary was inspiring. The news hit us all very hard and I still can't quite believe he's gone.
4) Super secret planning. Ok I can't really get in to the details here on this one. Lets just say that I've been working on a new project (together with several other people) and I'm thrilled to finally be taking steps to get the hell out of this soul-sucking corporate job and move on with my life. Its going to be awhile yet before I can make the full switch (see: unemployed husband) but there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I'll share more details when I can but... Its good times y'all.
5) Soul-sucking corporate job. Busy. Very, very busy. Also, did I mention I hate it? And I have a numbingly long commute? To avoid sounding like a broken record I'll stop there (there are plenty of posts in the archives about how much I hate my job) and just say again - busy. Send wine.
Monday, June 06, 2011
Idyllic Tiffany (extinct?)
Y'all. I'm a little embarrassed to admit this... But last night TheHusband and I were catching up on some old episodes of How I Met Your Mother (I freaking LOVE that show) and one episode in particular really has me thinking about my life choices and wanting to make some changes. It was the episode where the gang all goes to this fancy event at the natural History Museum that is sponsored by GNB and Marshall basically tells Lily that he is NOT going to leave his corporate job any time soon to become an environmental lawyer. Basically Lily walks around the rest of the episode lamenting the loss of "college Marshall" and wishing the "current Marshall" was more like him.
At one point during the show I looked over at TheHusband and said "you know, college me would probably beat the living hell out of current me." (Ok I probably said something less PC than that but you get the idea.) And... there in lies the root of the problem. I MISS college me. I miss thinking that I was going to do something worthwhile, something helpful, something I enjoyed and got fulfillment from. I miss that time when I didn't know exactly what I wanted to be when I grew up but I still believed it would be great. I miss the me before I got stuck in this corporate job that I hate, with a commute that I hate, and no way to get out without landing my family in the poor house.
I don't know if it was that same episode or another one we watched last night also (we tend to go on show benders and get addicted) but there was another story line where Marshall's assistant gets fired (I think he's that guy from SNL?) and he's so excited because with his severance package he can finally afford to start the brewery he's always dreamed of. Y'all - I am dead serious when I tell you that I actually sat there for a few minutes trying to figure out if there was any way I could get fired and some how either get a severance package OR just qualify for unemployment for awhile so I could figure out what my dream job is and pursue it. Not that we would survive all that well with BOTH me and the hubs unemployed at the same time but... you know... pipe dream.
Now before you all (all? who I am kidding? either of you?) start thinking I have lost my mind and am planning my future based on TV shows - I have no immediate plans to try and get myself fired from my current job NOR am I planning on letting college-me mentally beat up now-me. But last nights' viewing DID spark a very real and honest conversation with TheHusband about what exactly each of us WANT out of our lives, careers, futures. Which is a good thing no? Because, as my ever so wise and charming husband said "so long as you and I are happy, together, we could be doing anything, living anywhere, poor or rich and we'd be... happy. And happy is all that matters."
Happy is all that matters y'all.
At one point during the show I looked over at TheHusband and said "you know, college me would probably beat the living hell out of current me." (Ok I probably said something less PC than that but you get the idea.) And... there in lies the root of the problem. I MISS college me. I miss thinking that I was going to do something worthwhile, something helpful, something I enjoyed and got fulfillment from. I miss that time when I didn't know exactly what I wanted to be when I grew up but I still believed it would be great. I miss the me before I got stuck in this corporate job that I hate, with a commute that I hate, and no way to get out without landing my family in the poor house.
I don't know if it was that same episode or another one we watched last night also (we tend to go on show benders and get addicted) but there was another story line where Marshall's assistant gets fired (I think he's that guy from SNL?) and he's so excited because with his severance package he can finally afford to start the brewery he's always dreamed of. Y'all - I am dead serious when I tell you that I actually sat there for a few minutes trying to figure out if there was any way I could get fired and some how either get a severance package OR just qualify for unemployment for awhile so I could figure out what my dream job is and pursue it. Not that we would survive all that well with BOTH me and the hubs unemployed at the same time but... you know... pipe dream.
Now before you all (all? who I am kidding? either of you?) start thinking I have lost my mind and am planning my future based on TV shows - I have no immediate plans to try and get myself fired from my current job NOR am I planning on letting college-me mentally beat up now-me. But last nights' viewing DID spark a very real and honest conversation with TheHusband about what exactly each of us WANT out of our lives, careers, futures. Which is a good thing no? Because, as my ever so wise and charming husband said "so long as you and I are happy, together, we could be doing anything, living anywhere, poor or rich and we'd be... happy. And happy is all that matters."
Happy is all that matters y'all.
Wednesday, June 01, 2011
Thursday, March 10, 2011
Thoughts on Lent
I was surprised yesterday by how few people I saw with the ashes on their forehead. I really can't recall a time in my life where I didn't note Ash Wednesday and the passing on Lent to Easter since I basically grew up in the church. Long after I stopped attending church services regularly (or hell, who am I kidding, at all) I still think of the Lent period as a time to... reset?
The most profound teaching I ever received at Lent was many, many years ago but it basically said that Lent isn't so much about giving up something as it is about refocusing your faith and removing, or adding, things to your life in that vein. This is what finally made Lent click for me because I could not for the life of me understand how or why God would care if I gave up deserts or carbs for Lent. I believe this is one of those cases where the true message has gotten lost. Now, if deserts or carbs truly come between you and your relationship with God then I apologize, by all means cut them out and become enlightened, however for the majority of us I don't think this is the case.
So for many years now I've done both - give something up and add something to my life. Something to bring me closer to God, something to make me healthier in heart or mind or both, something educational or, dare I say it, enlightening? Giving up something at Lent is a perfect trial run to actually giving that item up on a long term basis so I still do it, but the adding of something to my daily routine for 46 odd days is where I feel the most growth.
Last year I gave up the following for Lent: cigarettes (unsuccessfully I might add), red meat (somewhat more successfully) and Facebook (100% successful!). I gave up all of those things because in one way or another I felt they were holding me back physically or emotionally from some other idea I had for my life. In addition, I added a daily Bible study (somewhat successful) and some quiet "me time" every day (100% successful). The Bible thing I'm still working on (though that's another post for another day) but as I struggle to reconcile the faith of my childhood to the truth of my adult existence I thought adding back in some good old fashioned Bible reading wouldn't hurt. I gave up Facebook because it is a soul-sucking, time-waste and I really should spend much, much less time refreshing my status feed than I do. Interestingly enough, giving up Facebook was the hardest thing I've ever successfully done for 46 days. I am not proud that I missed it so flippin much - more proud that even when I realized how much I missed it that I still stayed away!
This year I'm giving up beer (again) and cigarettes (also, again). I'm giving up beer because I'm really struggling with losing weight right now and I KNOW that the drinking doesn't help but I can't (won't?) give it up all together because in my own little screwed up way I feel like surviving through massive amounts of stress every day entitles me to the evening glass of wine. I just want to limit it to the evening glass of wine, or the weekend glasses if I'm being fair, and stop with the crack a beer at noon cause I'm bored and drink all damn day bit. The cigs... well THAT I am not proud of. I quit y'all - like legit quit smoking - finally! And then the husband lost his job... What can I say? When the world feels overwhelming all I really want is to sit somewhere with some friends and drink wine (see above) and smoke cigarettes. I wish I didn't love it so, but I do. Anyway, I need to quit again (before TheBoy kills me) and I figure this is a good enough starting point as any.
As for the thing I'm adding? This year its daily yoga and meditation. Pretty much the same reasons as last year - just trying something new... I wonder sometimes if I'm destined to always be studying and chasing after knowledge or if I'll ever just be content to "be". Maybe I'll know more in 46 days?
What are you giving up or doing for Lent?
The most profound teaching I ever received at Lent was many, many years ago but it basically said that Lent isn't so much about giving up something as it is about refocusing your faith and removing, or adding, things to your life in that vein. This is what finally made Lent click for me because I could not for the life of me understand how or why God would care if I gave up deserts or carbs for Lent. I believe this is one of those cases where the true message has gotten lost. Now, if deserts or carbs truly come between you and your relationship with God then I apologize, by all means cut them out and become enlightened, however for the majority of us I don't think this is the case.
So for many years now I've done both - give something up and add something to my life. Something to bring me closer to God, something to make me healthier in heart or mind or both, something educational or, dare I say it, enlightening? Giving up something at Lent is a perfect trial run to actually giving that item up on a long term basis so I still do it, but the adding of something to my daily routine for 46 odd days is where I feel the most growth.
Last year I gave up the following for Lent: cigarettes (unsuccessfully I might add), red meat (somewhat more successfully) and Facebook (100% successful!). I gave up all of those things because in one way or another I felt they were holding me back physically or emotionally from some other idea I had for my life. In addition, I added a daily Bible study (somewhat successful) and some quiet "me time" every day (100% successful). The Bible thing I'm still working on (though that's another post for another day) but as I struggle to reconcile the faith of my childhood to the truth of my adult existence I thought adding back in some good old fashioned Bible reading wouldn't hurt. I gave up Facebook because it is a soul-sucking, time-waste and I really should spend much, much less time refreshing my status feed than I do. Interestingly enough, giving up Facebook was the hardest thing I've ever successfully done for 46 days. I am not proud that I missed it so flippin much - more proud that even when I realized how much I missed it that I still stayed away!
This year I'm giving up beer (again) and cigarettes (also, again). I'm giving up beer because I'm really struggling with losing weight right now and I KNOW that the drinking doesn't help but I can't (won't?) give it up all together because in my own little screwed up way I feel like surviving through massive amounts of stress every day entitles me to the evening glass of wine. I just want to limit it to the evening glass of wine, or the weekend glasses if I'm being fair, and stop with the crack a beer at noon cause I'm bored and drink all damn day bit. The cigs... well THAT I am not proud of. I quit y'all - like legit quit smoking - finally! And then the husband lost his job... What can I say? When the world feels overwhelming all I really want is to sit somewhere with some friends and drink wine (see above) and smoke cigarettes. I wish I didn't love it so, but I do. Anyway, I need to quit again (before TheBoy kills me) and I figure this is a good enough starting point as any.
As for the thing I'm adding? This year its daily yoga and meditation. Pretty much the same reasons as last year - just trying something new... I wonder sometimes if I'm destined to always be studying and chasing after knowledge or if I'll ever just be content to "be". Maybe I'll know more in 46 days?
What are you giving up or doing for Lent?
Wednesday, March 09, 2011
Winning!
So what if, while you're in the middle of trying to rob Peter to pay Paul, Paul calls and says that actually you owe him twice the amount you originally thought due to delayed payments AND THEN Peter calls and is all "where the f&#@ is my money?" Theoretically that could happen right?
Yesterday on the way home I realized that I did not have enough gas in my car to make it to work and back for the remainder of this week. Since we're flat broke this is more of an issue than you might initially think. There is NO. MONEY. None at all. Not to mention... when did gas get so expensive again? Blah. So I got home and brought up my conundrum the TheBoy to see if he had any thoughts on what to do because as much as I would love to, I can't just call out sick for the rest of the week.
In true, head-in-sand, fingers-in-ears, la-la-la-la-la I can't hear you, form since we couldn't immediately figure out a way to get me to work we decided to think about it over some wine and beer pong. (yes I understand that technically should be called "wine pong" but it doesn't sound as nice right?) Sometime during the second match TheBoy looked at me and with a huge smile on his face, said "rototiller!" Apparently my reaction was sufficiently confused because he quickly went on to explain that we could siphon gas from the rototiller in to my car and that it should be enough to get me to and from work for the next two days.
Y'all. My husband is a genius!
Turns out siphoning gas isn't as easy as it sounds but TheBoy did finally manage to get me about a quarter tank by the time I had to leave this morning so off I went. Until my car died. Again. Totally unrelated to the amount of gas I have or do not have in the tank my car has been having other "issues" in the last couple of months. First we thought it was the battery, but no. Then a series of a couple other things, but no. And I am SO bummed because I JUST got my car back late last week from TheBoy who thought it was fixed! I missed my little car!
So now I have a car that needs repairs which will probably cost money that I don't have. Is this what Charlie had in mind with his whole "winning" thing? All I can do is just shake my head and laugh, and then cross my fingers and pray like hell for a financial miracle. :)
Yesterday on the way home I realized that I did not have enough gas in my car to make it to work and back for the remainder of this week. Since we're flat broke this is more of an issue than you might initially think. There is NO. MONEY. None at all. Not to mention... when did gas get so expensive again? Blah. So I got home and brought up my conundrum the TheBoy to see if he had any thoughts on what to do because as much as I would love to, I can't just call out sick for the rest of the week.
In true, head-in-sand, fingers-in-ears, la-la-la-la-la I can't hear you, form since we couldn't immediately figure out a way to get me to work we decided to think about it over some wine and beer pong. (yes I understand that technically should be called "wine pong" but it doesn't sound as nice right?) Sometime during the second match TheBoy looked at me and with a huge smile on his face, said "rototiller!" Apparently my reaction was sufficiently confused because he quickly went on to explain that we could siphon gas from the rototiller in to my car and that it should be enough to get me to and from work for the next two days.
Y'all. My husband is a genius!
Turns out siphoning gas isn't as easy as it sounds but TheBoy did finally manage to get me about a quarter tank by the time I had to leave this morning so off I went. Until my car died. Again. Totally unrelated to the amount of gas I have or do not have in the tank my car has been having other "issues" in the last couple of months. First we thought it was the battery, but no. Then a series of a couple other things, but no. And I am SO bummed because I JUST got my car back late last week from TheBoy who thought it was fixed! I missed my little car!
So now I have a car that needs repairs which will probably cost money that I don't have. Is this what Charlie had in mind with his whole "winning" thing? All I can do is just shake my head and laugh, and then cross my fingers and pray like hell for a financial miracle. :)
Tuesday, March 08, 2011
Green IS a good color for me...
This writer is blocked.
But! Don’t give up on me dear IIFs! I promise the 30 days of truth will continue, if for no other reason that we are finally (!) at day 13 which is exciting on so many levels because 1) I’ve pretty much been waiting for this day since day one, 2) day 13 may have been (read: totally was) the reason I signed up to do this damn thing in the first place and 3) you’ll finally be let in to my inner crazy and find out how I do in fact think I could be BFFs with a pop star. Oh yes, yes I do.
It’s just that… It’s been hard for me to write light-hearted and fun posts the last few days because I’ve been firmly wrapped up in my own little pity party. See, TheBoy lost his job a few weeks back so things have gotten necessarily tighter on the money front which is no fun for anyone. Gone are my sanity-saving 5 am work outs, gone are my peace-filled yoga classes, gone are happy hours with friends, a mini-vacay planned for May with my mama, plans to finish restoring the new boat and… oh pretty much everything else that isn’t directly related to food, gas, rent or MY job.
And to be totally honest, the worst part of this whole thing? I am so totally and utterly annoyed that it was TheBoy who lost his job and not me. I know right? Someone please slap me because that is just redockulous! But there you have it, the truth, in all its unflattering and ugly glory. I am mad at my husband for losing his job because damn it I’M the one who hates my freaking job and who has been trying desperately to figure out a way to move on! I was counting on the hubby’s job working out so that he could eventually make decent enough money so that I could quit MY job and go back to school! It shouldn’t be HIM who is home all day, planning a new career and taking all the time he needs to get things done around the house – it should be ME!
Le sigh.
Wow I am a bad wife eh? Instead of supporting my hubby through this transition time I’ve been secretly… Jealous? Yes I think jealous sums it up nicely. Lord, I apologize. And I know, when I’m not indulging in self-pity and woe-is-me type thoughts, that this is temporary, that TheBoy was NOT happy in that position and that he’s relieved to be on to something new. I know that he WILL eventually find something and that I should think of myself as LUCKY that I have a job that (for the most part) pays our bills to a sufficient degree that we can afford for one of us to be unemployed. I know that it isn’t the end of the world and we will get through this. I understand that if it HAD been me who had lost my job, we wouldn’t have been able to make ends meet and that I certainly wouldn’t have been able to scrape up the money to go back to school.
Now, how do I kick this funk?
But! Don’t give up on me dear IIFs! I promise the 30 days of truth will continue, if for no other reason that we are finally (!) at day 13 which is exciting on so many levels because 1) I’ve pretty much been waiting for this day since day one, 2) day 13 may have been (read: totally was) the reason I signed up to do this damn thing in the first place and 3) you’ll finally be let in to my inner crazy and find out how I do in fact think I could be BFFs with a pop star. Oh yes, yes I do.
It’s just that… It’s been hard for me to write light-hearted and fun posts the last few days because I’ve been firmly wrapped up in my own little pity party. See, TheBoy lost his job a few weeks back so things have gotten necessarily tighter on the money front which is no fun for anyone. Gone are my sanity-saving 5 am work outs, gone are my peace-filled yoga classes, gone are happy hours with friends, a mini-vacay planned for May with my mama, plans to finish restoring the new boat and… oh pretty much everything else that isn’t directly related to food, gas, rent or MY job.
And to be totally honest, the worst part of this whole thing? I am so totally and utterly annoyed that it was TheBoy who lost his job and not me. I know right? Someone please slap me because that is just redockulous! But there you have it, the truth, in all its unflattering and ugly glory. I am mad at my husband for losing his job because damn it I’M the one who hates my freaking job and who has been trying desperately to figure out a way to move on! I was counting on the hubby’s job working out so that he could eventually make decent enough money so that I could quit MY job and go back to school! It shouldn’t be HIM who is home all day, planning a new career and taking all the time he needs to get things done around the house – it should be ME!
Le sigh.
Wow I am a bad wife eh? Instead of supporting my hubby through this transition time I’ve been secretly… Jealous? Yes I think jealous sums it up nicely. Lord, I apologize. And I know, when I’m not indulging in self-pity and woe-is-me type thoughts, that this is temporary, that TheBoy was NOT happy in that position and that he’s relieved to be on to something new. I know that he WILL eventually find something and that I should think of myself as LUCKY that I have a job that (for the most part) pays our bills to a sufficient degree that we can afford for one of us to be unemployed. I know that it isn’t the end of the world and we will get through this. I understand that if it HAD been me who had lost my job, we wouldn’t have been able to make ends meet and that I certainly wouldn’t have been able to scrape up the money to go back to school.
Now, how do I kick this funk?
Monday, February 28, 2011
30 Days of Truth - Day 12
Day 12 → Something you never get compliments on.
This is going to sound really vain and superficial but… Well, whatever, it is honest. The one thing I never get complimented on (and wish I would) is being beautiful or sexy. And y’all it has been my heart’s desire for as long as I can remember to be sexy. Not cute (which I occasionally get) or pretty, not funny or smart or laid back, damn it, I want to be sexy! Alas, it seems that will never be.
I recently started thinking that this sort of innate inability to be sexy might have something to do with my lackadaisical attitude towards fitness and diet. Because really? What’s the point of starving myself into a size 0, or sweating out umpteen miles a week on the treadmill, if it’s not going to get me what I want in the end anyway. Even when I was at my thinnest the only compliment I ever got was that I looked “sporty”. WTF is that? Sporty does not equal sexy – I don’t care who you are!
Maybe I read too many trashy romance novels when I was younger? You know the ones, where the heroine is tragically gorgeous and some handsome man is so over-taken with desire for her that they can’t seem to keep away from each other even though they should? Yeah. I know, I know. Fiction!
I read somewhere that Beyonce has a “sexy” alter-ego (because she isn’t sexy enough already?) and I’m thinking maybe that’s what I need? Although, considering I can’t even THINK about my alter-ego without giggling, I’m not sure how convincing I could be. Perhaps because I’ve been un-sexy for so long I no longer possess the skills to BE sexy? More likely I never had them at all!
(yes – this post is tongue-in-cheek – just to clear up any confusion)
*****
Day 01 → Something you hate about yourself. - done
Day 02 → Something you love about yourself. - done
Day 03 → Something you have to forgive yourself for. - done
Day 04 → Something you have to forgive someone for. - done
Day 05 → Something you hope to do in your life. - done
Day 06 → Something you hope you never have to do. - done
Day 07 → Someone who has made your life worth living for. - done
Day 08 → Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit. - done
Day 09 → Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted. - done
Day 10 → Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know. - done
Day 11 → Something people seem to compliment you the most on. - done
Day 12 → Something you never get compliments on. - done
Day 13 → A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)
Day 14 → A hero that has let you down. (letter)
Day 15 → Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
Day 16 → Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17 → A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18 → Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19 → What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20 → Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21 → (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22 → Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23 → Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24 → Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)
Day 25 → The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26 → Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27 → What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28 → What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29 → Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30 → A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself
This is going to sound really vain and superficial but… Well, whatever, it is honest. The one thing I never get complimented on (and wish I would) is being beautiful or sexy. And y’all it has been my heart’s desire for as long as I can remember to be sexy. Not cute (which I occasionally get) or pretty, not funny or smart or laid back, damn it, I want to be sexy! Alas, it seems that will never be.
I recently started thinking that this sort of innate inability to be sexy might have something to do with my lackadaisical attitude towards fitness and diet. Because really? What’s the point of starving myself into a size 0, or sweating out umpteen miles a week on the treadmill, if it’s not going to get me what I want in the end anyway. Even when I was at my thinnest the only compliment I ever got was that I looked “sporty”. WTF is that? Sporty does not equal sexy – I don’t care who you are!
Maybe I read too many trashy romance novels when I was younger? You know the ones, where the heroine is tragically gorgeous and some handsome man is so over-taken with desire for her that they can’t seem to keep away from each other even though they should? Yeah. I know, I know. Fiction!
I read somewhere that Beyonce has a “sexy” alter-ego (because she isn’t sexy enough already?) and I’m thinking maybe that’s what I need? Although, considering I can’t even THINK about my alter-ego without giggling, I’m not sure how convincing I could be. Perhaps because I’ve been un-sexy for so long I no longer possess the skills to BE sexy? More likely I never had them at all!
(yes – this post is tongue-in-cheek – just to clear up any confusion)
*****
Day 01 → Something you hate about yourself. - done
Day 02 → Something you love about yourself. - done
Day 03 → Something you have to forgive yourself for. - done
Day 04 → Something you have to forgive someone for. - done
Day 05 → Something you hope to do in your life. - done
Day 06 → Something you hope you never have to do. - done
Day 07 → Someone who has made your life worth living for. - done
Day 08 → Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit. - done
Day 09 → Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted. - done
Day 10 → Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know. - done
Day 11 → Something people seem to compliment you the most on. - done
Day 12 → Something you never get compliments on. - done
Day 13 → A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)
Day 14 → A hero that has let you down. (letter)
Day 15 → Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
Day 16 → Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17 → A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18 → Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19 → What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20 → Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21 → (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22 → Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23 → Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24 → Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)
Day 25 → The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26 → Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27 → What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28 → What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29 → Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30 → A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself
Friday, February 25, 2011
30 Days of Truth - Day 11
Day 11 → Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Well. It used to be my hair. I had long, wavy, blonde hair and TONS of it. But then I donated 14” to Locks of Love and now all I get are “Wow! What a big change!” and “Oooh... I hear the bob is coming back!” neither of which sounds particularly like a compliment. Whatever, its just hair, and thankfully mine grows fast and thick. Moving on!
See. The thing is… I am terrible at taking a compliment gracefully. I’m sure there have been compliments over the years which I promptly dismissed and forgot about. It’s a gift.
Lots of people compliment me on my shoes, which I think is a combination of the fact that a) I have an inordinate amount of shoes (shoes are my crack) and b) I wear a size 5 and everything is cuter when it’s tiny. Of course to that I say a) I’m broke and b) its hard as hell to find cute shoes in a size 5. Seriously, check it out next time you go shopping. Unless you wear size 6 through 10 you are S.O.L. at most shoe stores. Thank the baby Jesus for the internets!
TheBoy often says that I am the kindest person he knows. I don’t know if he means it as a compliment necessarily but I always take it that way. He’s not super verbal with his affections (hell, who am I kidding, he’s not super affectionate period) but since he’s mentioned it more than once I think he must honestly believe it no? Good thing he doesn’t listen into the girl talk! But seriously, growing up I felt that so many people in my life were just plain old-fashioned mean to me. I know kids will be kids and all that but really? Why be mean? Life is so much nicer when we’re all trying to be kind to one another.
*****
Day 01 → Something you hate about yourself. - done
Day 02 → Something you love about yourself. - done
Day 03 → Something you have to forgive yourself for. - done
Day 04 → Something you have to forgive someone for. - done
Day 05 → Something you hope to do in your life. - done
Day 06 → Something you hope you never have to do. - done
Day 07 → Someone who has made your life worth living for. - done
Day 08 → Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit. - done
Day 09 → Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted. - done
Day 10 → Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know. - done
Day 11 → Something people seem to compliment you the most on. - done
Day 12 → Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13 → A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)
Day 14 → A hero that has let you down. (letter)
Day 15 → Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
Day 16 → Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17 → A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18 → Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19 → What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20 → Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21 → (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22 → Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23 → Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24 → Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)
Day 25 → The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26 → Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27 → What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28 → What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29 → Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30 → A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself
Well. It used to be my hair. I had long, wavy, blonde hair and TONS of it. But then I donated 14” to Locks of Love and now all I get are “Wow! What a big change!” and “Oooh... I hear the bob is coming back!” neither of which sounds particularly like a compliment. Whatever, its just hair, and thankfully mine grows fast and thick. Moving on!
See. The thing is… I am terrible at taking a compliment gracefully. I’m sure there have been compliments over the years which I promptly dismissed and forgot about. It’s a gift.
Lots of people compliment me on my shoes, which I think is a combination of the fact that a) I have an inordinate amount of shoes (shoes are my crack) and b) I wear a size 5 and everything is cuter when it’s tiny. Of course to that I say a) I’m broke and b) its hard as hell to find cute shoes in a size 5. Seriously, check it out next time you go shopping. Unless you wear size 6 through 10 you are S.O.L. at most shoe stores. Thank the baby Jesus for the internets!
TheBoy often says that I am the kindest person he knows. I don’t know if he means it as a compliment necessarily but I always take it that way. He’s not super verbal with his affections (hell, who am I kidding, he’s not super affectionate period) but since he’s mentioned it more than once I think he must honestly believe it no? Good thing he doesn’t listen into the girl talk! But seriously, growing up I felt that so many people in my life were just plain old-fashioned mean to me. I know kids will be kids and all that but really? Why be mean? Life is so much nicer when we’re all trying to be kind to one another.
*****
Day 01 → Something you hate about yourself. - done
Day 02 → Something you love about yourself. - done
Day 03 → Something you have to forgive yourself for. - done
Day 04 → Something you have to forgive someone for. - done
Day 05 → Something you hope to do in your life. - done
Day 06 → Something you hope you never have to do. - done
Day 07 → Someone who has made your life worth living for. - done
Day 08 → Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit. - done
Day 09 → Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted. - done
Day 10 → Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know. - done
Day 11 → Something people seem to compliment you the most on. - done
Day 12 → Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13 → A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)
Day 14 → A hero that has let you down. (letter)
Day 15 → Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
Day 16 → Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17 → A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18 → Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19 → What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20 → Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21 → (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22 → Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23 → Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24 → Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)
Day 25 → The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26 → Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27 → What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28 → What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29 → Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30 → A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)