Wednesday, December 13, 2006

Sleepless rambling

I am sitting alone on my tiny two foot by three foot hotel balcony over-looking the state capitol. It is 3:00 am and I am freezing cold but I can’t sleep so I am sitting here, wrapped in an awful hotel blanket, smoking too many cigarettes, tipsy from one too many martinis and thinking of the events of the evening. I’m alone, but not lonely, it’s been a long two days and I’m ready to go home tomorrow. Wait, I’m going home today. I never stay up this late. Early. Whatever.

It’s funny how things that are meant to do one thing can sometimes do another. I’m here in Sacramento at a conference designed to get me motivated about my current industry. Yet all I can think of is how I can apply any of these theories to the industry I really want to be in. I laugh at all the jokes and tease my co-workers about their corny enthusiasm but really my mind is a million miles away.

“Where do you see yourself in three years Tiffany?”

Do questions like that ever catch you off guard? Do you ever answer them honestly? I never do. And really, how can you know? I know where I’d LIKE to be in three years. Then there is where I can realistically see myself in three years. And of course there is the answer I know my boss is looking for… where he wants me to be in three years. Where my mom wants me to be in three years. Where my friends, my boyfriend want me to be in three years.

Where do I want to be in three years?

Far, far away from this balcony.

Do you ever wish you could disappear and make yourself into something else entirely. I wonder, briefly, what it would be like to fly from this balcony (not jump – no worries) and just soar above the earth until I find a place that looks… a little warmer. A little more inviting. Like a place I could put down roots and prosper.

Somewhere… I could be me. In three years.

3 comments:

kate said...

did you rip this page out of my diary, tiff?

i wonder the same things all the time. i wish that i could start over somewhere else, somewhere new, and be the me that i was always supposed to be.

let's do it together.

Liz said...

Just for the record, I hope it nevers seems as if I am asking you to be anyone but yourself. Because "you" is who I love most.

Love Monkey said...

A friend of mine has the best answer to that question....where do you see yourself? She says,
"I don't like to be limited by my own imagination."