Friday, September 28, 2007

Before and After (Office and Master Bedroom)

Not that I want to detract from the news below... So scroll down if you haven't read our BIG! NEWS! yet.

But. People keep asking for pics of all the work we are doing at the house. Which at this point consists mainly of sheet rock and painting. But whatever. So I took a few pics last night of the two whole rooms we have that look even remotely presentable. Meaning they have furniture in them that is supposed to be there. IE: beds in the bedrooms and so on. Please disregard the overall messy look. Normally I am a neat freak and AR house keeper but there is construction going on.

So this is the smallest of the three bedrooms and it immediately got dubbed the office. Oddly it was the first room we focused on. (For those of you who don't know TheBoy and his eleventy-two billion computers that was slight sarcasm.)

Office before with dreary white institutionalized walls and boring white carpets...

Office after. With $200 Costco bookcase and $60 Craigslist desk to replace the one that met an untimely demise during the move but would have been far too large for this teeny tiny room anyhow. Don't mind the laundry on the rocking chair... The closet it belongs in is still under construction and I can't get to it at the moment. Ahem.

Master bedroom. By my vote (demand) this was the second room that had to be finished. I was tired of climbing over boxes and through plastic to get ready for work every morning. Also? Not having blinds on the windows makes getting dressed just THAT much more exciting! Don't you agree? You can't tell from this picture but it's actually fairly nice sized AND it has it's own master bath. It may resemble a postage stamp... But it's still a master bath!

I tried to break the after shots into two to give you a better idea of how spacious the room is. This is with my back to the closet looking at the bed, bathroom on the right. Coincidentally, we're thinking of painting the kitchen/bathrooms the color of that duvet... Just thought I'd share.

This is standing in the door way looking in to the room bed on the right, closet on the left just out of view. Also, in case you are wondering... All the rooms are this beige-y, pumpkin color (living room, bedrooms, hallway) except the bathrooms and kitchen. Well actually the kitchen is currently this color but as I mentioned before it blends a little to closely with the color of our oak cabinets and I hate it so I'm hoping to rectify that this weekend with a nice brick red.

Clearly the walls need art and finishing touches have not been made. Also, a thorough cleaning is in order. But you get the idea.

This concludes our tour. :D

Hell Hath Frozen Over

And in case you missed that...

Yeah. So. Um... That's sort of my big announcement. TheBoy and I are making it official. We're engaged. And I know I owe you all lots of details and stuff. No it didn't happen last night (though those pics are from last night). I had to tell all the RF's first though cause I was afraid they'd be slightly miffed if they read about it first on the internets. So I apologize for keeping this from y'all. And it's sort of why my posting has been a wee bit... stilted for oh... MONTHS now!

But yay! Let the celebrations begin!

Thursday, September 27, 2007

Crazy Eight

So I got tagged with this eight random facts and/or habits thing back in May. I am totally on top of the ball people. Shut up. But better late than never right? Luckily for you though, dear readers, because I waited so long many of you have already done this so I tag… no one! Of course if you feel like doing it and haven’t consider yourself tagged by all means.

I’m mildly afraid to do this meme actually… But here goes. And remember you all have to love me regardless of what you learn here. I am a good person no matter how crazy I may be! I swear!

1) I have a routine for everything. I am not sure if this is because I am OCD or because I am particularly forgetful but either way, breaking the routine upsets me. For example, showering. When I get in the shower, the first thing I do is wet my hair. Then I wash my face. Twice. Then I shampoo my hair followed by conditioner which sits while I wash. I shave my legs (yes, every day, sorry ladies) then I wash the conditioner out. Then if I have time I just stand in the hot water for awhile before getting out. If I take any one of these things out of order I will forget something. Also, when we moved to the new house TheBoy put the shampoo and conditioner on the opposite sides of the shower rack thingy than they were on in the old apartment. This caused a lot of wasted conditioner as I reached for, and dispensed, the WRONG product from the RIGHT side for a week at least before I had the presence of mind to switch the bottles. That is a true story.

2) I heard on Oprah that the correct amount of time to wash your hands is the time it takes you to sing the Happy Birthday song. So I do that now every time I wash my hands. It is embarrassing when I forget and start singing or humming out loud. In the public restroom. I’m just saying. Also? Somehow I got it into my head that it was the hot water not the soap that makes your hands clean so sometimes I scald myself when I am washing my hands. I think this is why I am addicted to hand lotion.

3) I think I’ve mentioned this one before but it’s amusing so it bears repeating. I count things. Like how many steps there are in the parking garage outside my office. Or how many steps it takes me to get from my car parked in the free parking out in the back forty to my office downtown. Usually this counting occurs in the typical dance or cheer fashion (1,2,3,4 - 2,2,3,4 - 3,2,3,4) or (1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8 - 2,2,3,4,5,6,7,8) etc… I also have been known to count lines in crosswalks and other such items when bored. But mainly it has to do with steps or stairs.

4) I am obsessed with food. Ingredients, calories, the newest thing. You name it, I have to know about it. Now. I read the back of boxes for the ingredients and nutrition info. I’m sure this drives people crazy but I CAN’T HELP IT! I’m notorious for looking up the ingredients and calorie information of restaurant food online. I really got into the chemistry of food a few years ago like WHY food reacts the way it does to certain things. I’m always interested in new ingredients and stuff when I see them at the farmer’s market or read about them in the numerous newsletters and magazines I subscribe to. And now that I have a decent kitchen I can’t wait to start cooking again. So exciting!

5) Growing up I switched schools every two years until high school. At which point I’m pretty sure I begged to be able to complete all four years at the same school. I don’t remember Kindergarten but I was in Mississippi with Jim for 1st grade so that was one school. Then I went to a different school for 2nd grade and maybe 3rd. I can’t remember if I switched to the next school in 3rd or in 4th but I know I went to the same school for 4th and part of 5th and then off the next for the rest of 5th and 6th. Then I started yet another school for 7th and 8th before FINALLY landing in high school where I stayed all four years. I think this affected me in college because even though I still have no B.A. degree (I do have my A.A. though) I’ve been to SIX colleges!

6) I STILL don’t know what I want to be when I grow up. Despite having been in the same industry for a decade, I can’t help but wonder if there isn’t something else out there for me. And it’s not so much that I don’t think I want to be in this industry, I think it’s that I want to take on a more challenging role within this industry. Or maybe I want to change industries. I don’t know. I am totally conflicted y’all. I just feel like I should be more… passionate? Something.

7) I do crazy things in the car. Like rehearse conversations with people complete with multiple responses and reactions and then my possible responses and reactions. I also sing. Loudly. Even so I mock other people who act crazy in their cars. I’m looking at you Mr. Nose Picker Man. Or the guy who pulled up next to me yesterday singing totally off key to Michael Bolton with the windows down. I’m thinking Michael Bolton is a windows up kind of music. I’m just saying is all. The fact that I recognized the song as Michael Bolton is a moot point and shall not be discussed.

8) I am a girl of instant and overwhelming emotions. For example, I can go from wide-awake, life of the party to passed out asleep in about 1.2 nano-seconds. Also, I will swear up and down I am not hungry only to be ravenous moments later. And if I do not eat immediately upon becoming aware of the hunger? I will become nauseous and ill and thus unable to eat. It’s a viscous cycle y’all! In addition to these charmingly annoying traits I tend to get bored easily. So while watching a movie might have seemed like the BEST. IDEA. EVER. twenty minutes ago I now want to go play pool. Y’all I have maybe the world’s most patient friends.

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

The Saga of the Couches

Listen my children and you will hear… oh wait, wrong story. Yesterday was the much anticipated and eagerly awaited day that TheBoy and I were scheduled to pick up our beautiful new couches. So, you might ask, did I spend last night lounging around drinking wine and otherwise enjoying my new sofa and loveseat? No. Indeed I did not. Let me explain.

As previously mentioned my wonderful mother purchased TheBoy and I a new sofa and love seat as a housewarming gift. To be precise, we ordered the sofa-bed and loveseat we had been eyeing at Jennifer Convertibles (in Mocha Micro Suede) and she is paying for them. We decided to go for the upgrade on the lifetime fabric protection guarantee for cleaning and replacement and whatnot. Given our propensity for wine drinking (and spilling, ahem) it seemed like an awesome idea! To save ourselves some $$$ we decided to pick up our new couches at the warehouse instead of having them delivered. This also helped off-set the cost of the fabric protection plan.

Now, to pick up the sofas we had to take a PTO day from work as the warehouse is only open two Tuesdays a month from 7:00 to 9:00 am. Luckily for us the warehouse is located in a town only a few miles from our new home. Since we had to have several other inspections done at the house anyway which could only be done during the week we figured we’d bite the bullet and take the time off to get everything done at once. Pick up of the couches was arranged, inspections scheduled and we planned on getting a lot of work done around the house.

Saturday morning we got a call from someone at the Jennifer Convertibles store where we bought the couches telling us there had been a “mix up” and that our couches would not be available for pick up at the warehouse on Tuesday. We were understandably annoyed by this news but called the woman back to see what other arrangements could be made. Originally they couldn’t tell us WHEN the couches would be available for pick up but they would deliver them (for a fee of course). We kept telling them no, that unless they would deliver them for free, and on a Saturday since we already had to take one day off work, we would go ahead and pick them up at the warehouse on the next available Tuesday. Much confusion and annoyance ensued. Managers were consulted. I believe TheBoy even threatened to call the corporate office to complain about someone’s customer service.

Finally, after WE had to call THEM back, TWICE (!), we discovered that our couches will be available for pick up on Tuesday October 9th. Not ideal since we already had everything scheduled for the coming Tuesday (yesterday) but whatever, two more weeks won’t kill us. Then in typical left hand not knowing what right hand is doing fashion, the warehouse called and left us a message on Monday during the day confirming our pick up for the following day. That small glimmer of hope was dashed upon a quick call to the store to confirm that no, our couches still were not available and yes, the warehouse people were idiots. Awesome.

So, there you have it. We STILL have no couches and are resigned to drinking wine and watching movies from the relative comfort of our pillow covered floor for the next two weeks. The good news is that we are 99.5% done with the painting in the living room, office, guest room, master bedroom and hall way. Yay! There are a few places that need some touch up but for the most part… finished! I’m hoping to start re-taping the kitchen this week/weekend so I can re-paint in there. AND our bedroom is pretty much finished off now except for finishing touches like art so now we have TWO rooms that are pretty much done. It’s almost like we live there y’all. Pictures soon!

Monday, September 24, 2007

A Moment of Truth

I have always said that a couple should live together before they get married. I know that not everyone agrees with that. Certainly my very conservative Pentecostal church friends did not. And now, after TheBoy and I have lived together for five and a half of the six years we’ve been together, I would say that even co-habitation DID NOT prepare us for home ownership. There is just such a marked difference between renting an apartment in which all the decision making abilities are taken from you and owning a property where every little detail is up to either you or your significant other to deal with. Let’s just say that the last four weeks have been a… learning experience.

For example, I think TheBoy has finally come to terms with the fact that I am really and truly OCD. Before I think he thought it was cute (oh there she goes counting the stairs again) but now? Now I think he wants to throw blunt objects at my head. But I can’t help it y’all! THINGS MUST GET DONE RIGHT NOW. Seriously. Unfinished projects around the house stress me out to the point where I am literally ill. Can you say migraines anyone? TheBoy on the other hand? He is perfectly happy to flit from project to project leaving a trail of half finished items in his wake. It’s enough to make ME want to throw blunt objects at HIS head. I’m just saying is all.

Also, for all my OCD and craziness I am a decision maker. If given options I will generally chose one and be done with it. I don’t second guess, I don’t agonize, I just… decide. And I am happy. TheBoy? He’s one of those… careful decision makers. He wants to research ALL the options and review the features and then think about it. After this rather um, lengthy process he will narrow down the options to a smaller group and then do some MORE research and review MORE options and spend some time negotiating price before going home to “think about it” for awhile. It’s enough to make a girl want to scream. And I think me trying to “rush” the decision-making process leads to feelings of either nagging or passive-aggressive behavior. Neither of which I am particularly fond.

It is amazing either of us have un-battered heads really. But all in all it’s been good. Really we don’t fight that often (with the notable exception of some doozies about us and our future) so its sort of refreshing in a way to know that we can fight and still be fine. We still love each other (even if we don’t particularly LIKE each other all the time) and we’re in this thing for the long run. AND our house is really coming along, even if I can’t get TheBoy to keep a paint brush in his hand for more than an hour at a time! I can’t wait for the day when the house is (mostly) finished and we can have people over to see all our hard work.

Now if you’ll excuse me I need to go stock up on blunt objects…

Wednesday, September 19, 2007


The painting has commenced! We spent the better part of the weekend taping and painting and cutting to our little hearts content. And I am proud to say that we are maybe about half way done. Doh! Who knew painting was so much work? But it is high on the instant gratification scale so I’ll let it slide.

There have been a FEW slight down sides to this whole painting business though...

~ Most of our furniture is currently outside on the kitchen patio. Granted there is an awning but… it’s supposed to start raining tomorrow. We need to get a move on y’all!

~ The paint color I chose (and LOVE LOVE LOVE) looks TERRIBLE with the oak kitchen cabinets. And since it’s easier and cheaper to repaint the walls than refinish or replace the kitchen cabinets guess what we’ll be doing? Right. Since we JUST FINISHED PAINTING AND ALL. TheBoy is THRILLED. :D

~ Plastic. Everywhere. I’m just saying is all.

Of course not everything has been bad. My wonderful, saintly mother did spend most of her Sunday helping me paint walls and my fantastic step-father, who happens to be an architect, has single-handedly torn out the hideous TV boxes and sheet-rocked the bedroom walls to make them appear more normal. In fact my parents have spent every day this week so far over at our house while TheBoy and I are at work doing little things at the house. I have maybe the Best. Parents. Ever. AND TheBoy’s brother is coming over Friday to see the house and maybe can be bribed into painting with some BBQ. Family rocks y’all.

Also? Remember how I mentioned we left our feather vomiting couch behind when we moved and had resorted to sitting on the floor which was so not the same when it came to relaxing after work with a glass of wine? Well my mother (see saint, above) bought us a new sofa and love seat as a house warming gift! So as of Tuesday TheBoy and I will be the proud owners of real grown up furniture! Yee Haw baby! I promise I’ll try to un-pack my camera download cord thingy and take some “after” pictures so y’all can see all the hard work we’ve done real soon.

Wednesday, September 12, 2007

101 Reasons Why Moving Sucks

1) There are still boxes piled in each of our bathrooms through which we rummage each morning looking for… something. A band-aid, some Advil, a razor blade. For some reason the bathrooms are the one room I have done little to no unpacking in.

2) We bought a bookcase (which was awesome) but we haven’t put it together or unloaded any of my many, many boxes of books because we don’t want to push it against the wall weighing a million pounds since we are going to paint.

3) On that note there are a lot of things that are sort of waiting for this painting business. Which we hope to do some of this weekend. But still. Also, before we paint we have some things we have to do… like a small amount of sheetrock. Vicious cycle y’all I tell you!

4) My new kitchen is literally twice as large as the one I had in our apartment. Literally y’all. Maybe bigger than that even. Yet somehow I can not seem to fit everything in cabinets or drawers. Like what the heck?!?!? Are there kitchen gnomes that come in the night time and shrink my cabinets while I sleep? Or did my kitchen gadgets and dishes multiply in route to the new house? I can not figure this out.

5) Everyone’s opinions, shared freely, about what we should and should not do to our house. I’m working on developing a standardized response. Something along the lines of “Ryan and I have already decided to do X and are very excited about it, just like you must have been when you did Y to your house”. I mean, I appreciate the concern and all but it’s not like we don’t know what we’re doing here.

6) Not having a couch. Now I will freely admit I am the exact opposite of a pack rat. I am all for de-cluttering and throwing crap away. In that vein I would also rather do without something than settle for something I hate but would work in the mean time. Like a couch. Our old couch was a disaster, stained, misshapen, vomiting down feathers… So we decreed – It will NOT BE MOVED to our new house. In the interim before we can buy another couch we’re doing without. But relaxing with a glass of wine on dining room chairs is just not the same. I’m just saying is all.

7) Not having time to exercise. Granted we’re doing plenty of physical activity between the moving and un-packing and assembling furniture, and Lord knows we’re getting sweaty enough over there in the heat. But it’s not the same as a good run. Or a yoga class. God I miss yoga. But first off I have no idea WHEN I’d go to the gym and secondly in an effort to save $$ we’ve decided to forgo un-necessary things for awhile. Things like cable… and the gym membership.

8) No laundry. Though our new house came with washer / dryer hook-ups it was sadly lacking the actual washer and dryer. We do have something awesome lined up (like WAY better machines than we could afford being loaned to us for the foreseeable future) but for whatever reason actually GETTING the machines is a pain. And the clothing situation is getting dire y’all. But I can’t seem to drag myself away from the house long enough to either go to a parent’s or friend’s house to do laundry or go to the laundry mat. There are just so many other things to do!


Okay so maybe there aren’t 101 reasons. But I do solemnly swear I am sick to death of all this moving crap and upheaval. It’s a good thing we stocked up on the cheap wine before the move!

Tuesday, September 11, 2007


Six years ago TheBoy and I were still trying to adjust to the transition from “summer fling” to “holy crap this could really be something”. He had just begun a job in the area and announced to his parents his plans to NOT return back to college to finish his senior year. We were already making future plans.

Six years ago I was working as a licensed real estate assistant and buyer’s agent. I LOVED my job and was looking forward to a long career in real estate sales. I felt like I had truly found my passion, the thing I was meant to do in life. I was working up the nerve to talk to my bosses, the experienced real estate agents, about taking on more responsibilities to increase business for myself as well as the team.

Six years ago I had just run my first marathon ever. I was at the beginning of my love affair with running and spent numerous hours training on the treadmill at my complex and researching weekend trail runs in the area with friends.

Six years ago.

Six years ago I came home from an early morning run to the news that a plane had lost its way and crashed into a building in New York. By the time I was out of the shower and on my way to my open house there had been two crashes, and no one was talking about an accident anymore. I spent the rest of that day watching the footage on the news, reading about it online and listening to my radio. I cancelled plans with a friend for the evening and stayed home to watch the towers fall, again and again.

Six years ago I didn’t believe something that horrible could really have happened. Terrorism was something I studying in history class in college, something we discussed in the abstract in my international studies program, something I read about in the paper. I prayed that day, and for many days after, for the first time in years. I called all of my loved ones to make sure they knew how I felt about them. I said "I love you".

It’s hard for me today to realize that is has been six years since that day. I’ve spent all day watching TV and reading all the articles I can find, I watched those towers fall again. Sometimes I feel guilty, for moving on with my life, for putting what happened that day in the back of my mind, for forgetting the tragedy and the heroics and the strength so many people showed. I don’t want to forget.

It is easy to get caught up in the day to day living of life, the new house, spending time with friends and family and how truly awful Britney’s comeback performance was… But today I remember. And it motivates me. I remember how passionate I felt then, how motivated I was to do something, anything to feel like I was doing my part. I remember the fear, the anger, the frustration and the sadness. I hope you all remember also.

Monday, September 10, 2007

For Anna (finally!)

So, awhile back I got tagged. Well actually I’ve been tagged a couple times for various things and never actually got around to doing them. Don’t ask me why this time is different. Maybe I’m trying to be better, turn over a new leaf… Or maybe I’m bored. :D

The tag seemed simple, answer the question “why do you blog?” But as I sat down to write my response I found it wasn’t as easy of an answer as I had thought it would be. Originally I started this blog as a way to get some of my thoughts out and since I can type WAY faster than I can write it seemed like a natural thing. I’ve always loved to write with pages and pages of journals filled over the years.

But why blogging? Well, I read this post on the “missed connections” section of Craigslist that made me laugh out loud at work. Seriously. The author had posted the link to her blog at the end of the post and I immediately clicked on over to see what more there was. This is what I found. And I was hooked.

A few days later I started my own blog. A little over two years ago. In the interest of gaining readers quickly I gave the address to all my friends. Who one by one started their own blogs. It was fun, those first few months, telling stories and sharing bits of myself. I researched other blogs out there, started to make friends with people whose writing touched me. I felt like there was this whole other world that I belonged to and well… people liked me!

However eventually I began to feel like I had to censor myself because too many of my real life friends were reading this blog. I am an intensely private person. Private to the point that I almost never discuss my feelings, even with my closest girlfriends, and if I ever do it’s usually in retrospect. Like “oh by the way, I went through this really traumatic thing this one time but its okay I’m better.” I know it frustrates my friends (love you guys!) but I can’t change. It’s like… physically impossible for me.

But in the last couple years I’ve gone through a lot of personal growth and changes. And frankly for awhile there I went back to writing in a paper journal. So that I could get some thoughts out, because writing is therapeutic for me, and still keep my private thoughts and struggles private. This blog became boring. I lost readers because really, who comes to read a blog when there haven’t been any new posts of substance in ages?

Anyhow, I’m trying now to re-discover what it was about blogging I loved in the first place. The camaraderie of this community, the friends I met, the stories we shared with each other, the thrill of getting notification that I had a new comment, the pride in being mentioned in someone else’s writing. In short, I’m falling in love with blogging again. And given my habit of sharing exciting news only AFTER everything is worked out, boy do I have some stories for you guys!

Friday, September 07, 2007


The one thing people want to know the most after finding out we have moved is how we're handling the commute. It's an understandable concern given we went from living about 6 miles from our jobs to almost 40. After almost a full week I really can't complain. Maybe it is because I prepared myself for it to be so terrible that all I could be was pleasantly suprised?

However there is one major downside... Before, when we lived only a few minutes from our respective offices we had options. For example, if we stayed out too late and drank a glass or two of wine more than we should have he had the option to skip the 5 am wake-up call and sleep in for an additional two hours!

This morning when my alarm went off at 5:15 am and my head was still a little cloudy from last night's wine and I blearly realized I'd only been asleep for about 5 hours I REALLY missed having that option. I did hit snooze until closer to 6 but that only left me about 30 minutes to fumble around looking for clothes and whatnot in boxes before we had to get in the car to go.

But I'm not complaining. Last night, after hanging out and drinking wine with the family we went home. To a home we own. And it was wonderful.

Wednesday, September 05, 2007

This does not bode well for TheBoy

I am nerdier than 9% of all people. Are you a nerd? Click here to find out!

I guess that's why they call it the blues...

“It’s like even when you smile your eyes are still sad.” I’ll never forget that afternoon, sitting in the dance room at our high school surrounded by the other varsity cheerleaders, friends as much as we could be. I’m not sure how or why the subject of my smile came up… All I remember is a half a dozen faces all turning towards me as my eyes filled with tears, and the crush of hugs from well meaning girls. I couldn’t explain the sadness to them, I hadn’t really figured it out for myself, but even at 16 I knew something was not right.

That year, my Junior year in High School, was a strange year for me. By all accounts I should have been happy – I was doing well in school, had a great group of friends, I could finally drive, had a good job with a boss I loved, cheerleading was great, I was active in musical theater which had always been a passion… But I remember feeling lonely, sad, for apparently no reason. I wasn’t really familiar with the term “depression” at that age, nor would I have imagined a 16 year old would suffer from it. After time, the sadness simply faded on its own and life took on a more normal tone.

There were other times over the years where I would notice a sadness I couldn’t explain, a desire to sit alone in the dark, or just sleep, sleep and sleep and sleep. For a girl who is plagued fairly regularly by insomnia, this desire for never ending sleep was strange. I would always force a smile and make myself go out with friends hoping to shake myself out of this… funk. I was always paranoid that someone would notice that I wasn’t quite right. The words of my high school friend haunted me. “It’s like even when you smile your eyes are still sad.”

Finally, several years ago, the whole thing came to a head. I was truly in a bad place, employed at a job I hated with a completely insane boss, I had gained about 60 pounds, things with TheBoy were… strained, in short I was miserable. Yet, I couldn’t seem to bring myself to do anything about it. Nor could I (would I) talk to anyone about how I was feeling, I have always been a private person. I don’t like to discuss emotions or feelings.

One afternoon I was sitting in my Dr.’s office, there for my annual exam, chatting casually about the things that were going on in my life. Again I’m fuzzy on the details but all I know is one minute we’re laughing about something and the next I am sobbing uncontrollably while my Dr. looked alternately sympathetic and concerned for my mental state. When I had managed to pull myself together she handed me two prescriptions, one was the renewal of my birth control and the second was for an anti-depressant.

Now, I have never been one of those people who feel like anti-depressants are bad. I’ve known many, many people who have benefited from them. But that was THEM and this was ME and I couldn’t wrap my head around the fact that at 24 I was so depressed that I needed drugs to fix it. Clearly I had just had a bad day and my Dr. over-reacted. I tucked that prescription in a drawer (I think I was embarrassed that TheBoy might see it) and tried to forget the whole thing ever happened.

A few days later, something happened that turned my whole little world upside down and in the midst of the ensuing melt-down I remembered that prescription. The next day I had it filled. I rationalized that I wasn’t depressed; I was just going through a rough patch. What’s the harm in taking a few pills to get you through the rough patches? By the middle of the second week I knew I had done the right thing. It was like a haze had lifted and the real me, the one who had been dormant for so long, was waking up.

I think those of you who have been around this here blog long enough can see how this story ends… I quit my craptastic job and (finally) found another, went on a two year journey to lose the weight (which is honestly an on going struggle), and generally just went on a self-improvement binge. I was determined to be happy. While I was mildly ashamed to admit being on the anti-depressants I swear to you they helped. Immensely. I stayed on them for almost a year before I felt strong enough to continue on my own. Life has pretty much gone along hunky dory for the past several years. And I’m proud of what I accomplished.

Though in the last weeks, when things are going better than I could possibly imagine, I’ve noticed a return of the desire for never-ending sleep, and a general inability to motivate myself to do what I need to do, what I should WANT to do. And y’all this clearly makes no sense. TheBoy and I just bought a house which is awesome – but I can’t seem to make myself be properly excited about it. And there are even more exciting things happening (!) but again I can’t seem to muster the appropriate level of cheer.

"It’s like even when you smile your eyes are still sad.” I guess I wish I could know for sure if what I am feeling is just stress, a normal case of the blues, or if it is something more… Because I sure would like to snap out of it in time to enjoy all the wonderful things that are happening!