Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Stories from the workplace

Okay I totally had another post I was going to write today but I just had to share the conversation I just had with two co-workers outside the ladies room. One of them (the girl) had straightened her hair today and as she normally wears it curly I commented on how cute it was. The other one (the boy) said to me, “Crazy you’ve been replaced!” I thought clearly I had not had enough coffee to follow where he was going with this so I just sort of gave him a puzzled look. He continued, “well you USED to have the best hair in the office,” with a pointed look at the pony tail I have been sporting for weeks.

Well I never!

I just responded with a snarky eyebrow raise and said “well I used to rent an apartment 15 minutes from the office and spend an hour getting ready. Now I own a house an hour from the office (or two or three) and I spend 15 minutes getting ready. Sometimes you need priorities.” I’m not sure that was the right comeback for that sort of back handed insult but the girl whose hair I complimented gave me a huge smile and a thumbs up behind the guy’s back as I turned to go.

Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Birthday resolutions kept = 0

You would never guess that I vowed to be a better blogger in this, my 29th year. I swear I keep thinking of things I want to say but I lack the appropriate amount of time to actually write them up. But I will. I promise. In the mean time you (my whole 2 readers) can content yourself with another post of randomness that I hastily pound out on my lunch break. You lucky people you.


~ I am sweating. Profusely. At work. The receptionist upstairs just sent an e-mail out about how the A/C was broken in the building and that someone would be out shortly to remedy the situation. I was forced to reply inquiring about the apparent excellent condition of the heating system however because for some unknown reason it is roughly 98 degrees in the ladies room. It is only slightly cooler in the rest of the building given that the restroom has its own gigantic heating vent and the rest of the floor only has 6 additional vents. 3,000 square feet in the office = 6 heating vents, 100 square feet in the ladies room = 1 heating vent. Someone did not research this.


~ A few days ago I had a dream that I got talked into actually leaving my cubicle for lunch and accompanied some of the ladies from the office to a restaurant down the street. On our way we passed one of those slightly crazy, very olfactory offensive women who sit downtown and offer to tell the fortunes of the passing masses in suits and ties. Conversation at lunch centered mainly on fortune telling and somehow it was discovered that I, along with only one other co-worker, had never had the extreme pleasure of paying some stranger to tell me my future based on the tilt of my head and facial ticks. The other woman got talked into having her fortune read on the way back from lunch. I flatly refused.

As a group we all huddled around this little old lady and my co-worker prepared to have her fortune told. I remember thinking that all of the things that this woman told my friend were predictable. She would have success at work – we were all dressed in various forms of business attire. She would enjoy the company of good friends – surrounded by 6 women. That type of thing. I was understandably not prepared when she singled me out of the crowd. “You are getting married soon,” she said to me. Congratulations Einstein - she obviously saw the engagement ring on my finger. As I turned with the girls to go she muttered something under her breath, something none of the girls caught and I pretended not to understand. “You won’t be married this time next year.”

I really need to cut back on the red wine before bed.


~ In family news, my soon-to-be Brother in Law and his wife had their first child yesterday. Ava. In the two slightly grainy photos I have of her she looks cute, in that sort of alien newborn baby way. Don’t lie, you know what I am talking about. All accounts have the parents over the moon with happiness. One late night text from the BIL summed it up by saying it is “surreal”. I can only agree. Surreal is exactly the feeling I have when I learn that yet another friend is reproducing. But then again you know about me and the babies. Anyway, I can’t wait to meet my new little niece Ava. I might have to kill my future SIL though if she looks as good after just birthing an effing baby as she did one week before her due date. I won’t say I wasn’t the slightest bit jealous when I realized that she probably weighed less than me. She certainly looked beautiful in her little black dress.

Thursday, April 17, 2008

Thursday randomness

Y’all. I am broke. The combination of taxes and property taxes and that silly little party we’re having over the summer has effectively drained even the “rainy day” fund. Things have gotten so bad that I have been out of conditioner for my hair for 3 days! My answer to this predicament is to wash hair less and wear lots of ponytails. I also am out of the make-up that I use. Granted it isn’t cheap make-up but 1) I have been out for a month or more and 2) I pretty much buy everything else at the drug store so I feel okay about that. You know what I’ve noticed? The closer you get to 30 the fewer days there are that you can get away without wearing make-up. I’ve been asked repeatedly over the past several weeks if I am sick again or if I am not sleeping well. Touché.

But! You know what I am going to do tonight? I’m going to get my hair cut and colored. Whee! I am justifying this for a couple reasons, my hairdresser (whom I have been going to since I was like 12) accepts checks and will hold them for me until the next pay day and also I am going to be having my pictures taken A LOT in the next two weeks so I NEED cute hair. Ahem. Check in next week to see me rationalize a new outfit to wear to my engagement photo session! Who needs conditioner?

Also, I read this story the other week that was all about how if you are trying to go organic but don’t have the millions of dollars required to do it completely what the best fruits and veggies to buy organic are. So since I have been trying to go organic as much as possible but I am also broke (see above two paragraphs) I totally read every word of this article and the accompanying advice on what to do if you CAN’T buy organic for one of the fruits and veggies they mentioned.

Fast forward to a few minutes ago when a co-worker of mine walked into the kitchen to see me scrubbing down my apple with soap and hot water. I am now officially the crazy diet lady. Okay and two things, apples taste funny warm (unless they are in pie of course) and I’m not sure what is worse for me, soap residue (though you know I rinsed and rinsed and rinsed some more) or the pesticides.

I never promised you guys normal.

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

The hardest time of day

Before anyone starts freaking out... This is a character I am working on for a story. Just thought I'd clear that up before the RF's of Tiffy stage an intervention. And no, I don't have a name for for her yet. I feel like I am just getting to know her.


She says that mornings are the hardest time of day. Laying alone in her bed, eyes closed, taking inventory of her surroundings and what, if anything, she can remember from the night before. Realizing she’s wearing the top half of yesterday’s outfit, complete with sweater, jacket and scarf, but nothing on the bottom sends her brain scrambling to remember those last few moments before bed. She can remember getting dressed in that outfit, but what had possessed her to remove her shoes and pants but not the heavy winter coat and scarf? And where had she discarded the remaining articles?

She stays in bed for a few moments, squinting against the glowing red numbers on her alarm clock which remind her she better get moving or she’ll be late. She tries to care. She starts to recall the evening before, filled with dread at what she might she may have done and frustrated with her lack of control. She can remember the first glass of wine clearly, and the second. Maybe a shot? Her memory gets fuzzy. She sees the rest of the evening in bits and pieces. A flash of stumbling in the bathroom, she touches the spot on her thigh and feels the soreness of a new bruise, proof. A snippet of a conversation she had with a friend, oh Lord what they must have thought of her! A disapproving look from a stranger. The moment she realized that she was out of control. Again.

She thinks about how embarrassed she is, how much she is dreading seeing the people she knows she will see again, and the ones who witness her latest debacle. Mortification is a drink best served up, with olives. She thinks about how she’s really a terrible person and wonders that anyone wants to spend time with her anyway. Maybe they don’t and she’s just been too drunk to notice. Do they seem less than enthused to see her? She groans, sheds a few worthless tears and slides out of bed to the shower. She feels like she ruined the evening, like she is ruining her life.

While she washes away the smell of cigarette smoke from her hair (had she bought her own smokes or just mooched off a friend all evening?) and tries to shake off the dull ache starting behind her eyes, she wonders how exactly she got to this place. Drinking used to be fun. A couple of cocktails with the girls after work or a glass of wine or two with dinner used to seem perfectly acceptable. When had it gotten out of control? When had she stopped drinking for fun and started drinking to forget, to dull the pain and sadness in her life? When had her life started to control her, instead of her controlling it? She tried to giver herself a pep talk, a bit of the new age side and gives up before she really can start. That garbage about choosing your destiny rings especially false when sober.

Later, walking through her home trying to clean up yet another mess left in the aftermath of a night of drinking she wonders if she should quit. Can she quit? The possibility seems unlikely. She is a drinker and many if not all the people in her life are drinkers, she doesn’t possess the will power to quit cold turkey on her own nor the money and time required to check herself into a rehab center. Besides rehab is for pop stars she thinks with a sort of ironic half smile, and AA is for alcoholics and she fancies her self a regular run of the mill drunk. The smile fades as quickly as it appeared. She rarely smiles anymore. At least not when she’s sober.

She says that mornings are the hardest.

Thursday, April 10, 2008

Ten in ten

I have been working on my writing skills lately… and I thought I’d start sharing some of these attempts with you guys since they are more original than wedding updates or how much fun the DMV is. You know. Below is one I came across a few weeks ago but purposely saved for today – my birthday. Because I need a couple things to keep my brain occupied otherwise I might go back under the covers and stay there. ALL. DAY. LONG.

The object was to list 10 things I have learned in the proceeding 10 years, working on details and so on. Y’all know I have zero trouble with details right? I have to preface this post by saying that 10 years ago I was 19 and in my first year of college. I think ALL people learn a lot of stuff in the 10 years between 20 and 30, no? It’ll be interesting to read some of the responses to this by people in their 40’s and 50’s in my writing group online.


1) Vanity is useless. Not that I was particularly vain… I’m not a super model by a long shot (too short for starters!). But I prided myself of a couple things that had to do with looks. Namely, I had/have a whole head of thick blonde hair that I used to obsess over daily and I always had to try the new looks, I had a flat stomach that I showed off in some terribly misguided 90’s era tummy shirts, and I could always grow healthy and strong long fingernails. Ahem. I blame youth.

I do not wish to discuss my stomach and its flatness or lack there of at the moment. That is a whole other post for another day. And it’s safe to say that at some point in the last 10 years I have discovered that sometimes a girl needs to spend a little less time in front of the mirror worrying about her hair and a little more time in the gym worrying about the size of her ass. As for fingernails? Ha! Home improvement projects combined with the dry, dry, dry air at home have managed to successfully wreck both my nails and my hands. For example, my nails look okay today, short but all relatively the same length but the skin on my fingers and around the nail beds is chapped, cracking and very dry. There isn’t enough lotion in the world for me right now.

2) I am happier with a half dozen of truly close girlfriends that I would go to some pretty great distances and maybe even break the law for, than I ever was when I had a hundred friends and still spent most of my evenings running in the gym or watching sitcoms alone. I was lonelier 10 years ago than I am now. I felt like no one “got” me. Now I know that if I really needed to, I could pick up the phone and reach someone who actually CARES when they ask me how my day was. I thought I had to have a lot of friends to make myself feel fulfilled. Turns out I was wrong.

3) Somehow, my mom got a hell of a lot smarter and conversely I don’t know quite as much as I thought I did 10 years ago. At 19 I wanted to do it my way, I was fiercely independent (which my mother can take ALL the credit for) and I didn’t want to hear anyone else’s thoughts on what I was doing with MY life. Ha! I consider my mom a friend, someone I would chose to spend my (sadly) very limited amount of free time with, someone whose opinion I value. I probably still annoy her at times and we definitely don’t see eye to eye on all things, but I will always respect her and I think she’s learning to respect the woman I’ve grown to be also. Even if she doesn’t like some of my choices (cough ~ tattoo ~ cough).

4) Love should not hurt. Someone who claims to love you should not make you feel bad about yourself, they should not make you cry and then not care that you are crying, they should not tell you that you are worthless/a waste of time/not worth the energy. Likewise if you truly love someone you should not want to test them, you should not want to avoid them, you shouldn’t fear them. I’ve learned to love by putting someone else’s happiness on an equal level or above my own. I’ve learned that people can love each other without knock down screaming fights. I used to think fighting meant the relationship had passion, now I know all it means is that your relationship has problems. (And before I get a ration of hate mail, I am not talking about little petty arguments and so on – I agree that those things happen and are perfectly normal.) I used to think I wasn’t good enough for someone to want to be with, to stay with, to be faithful to. Now I know better.

5) I’ve learned that sometimes your friends, no matter how dear, will let you down, disappoint you, or make you angry. They are human. Chances are you have disappointed them a time or two also. I’ve learned that when this happens you have to sit down with yourself, have a little come to Jesus, and decide if you can forgive them, truly forgive them. If you can not, then there is no need to have a knock down drag out fight or spend hours rehashing the same things over and over. It is acceptable to just quietly walk away; you can both retain your dignity. We are adults, we can behave cordially. If you decide you can forgive them, you can not mention it again, to them or to anyone. It isn’t fair to keep throwing something someone has done wrong in their faces. Chances are they feel terrible enough without that.

6) I’ve learned that one should always have a specific notion as to their financial situation. You should know how much you are making, how much you are spending and how much you owe. I of course learned this the hard way. I’ve learned that it’s not a good idea to pin your hopes on surprise inheritances from distant, unknown relatives. You get yourself into this mess, you get out. I’ve also learned to be at peace with the idea that I didn’t get into this situation overnight and there isn’t an overnight solution to get out of it. I’ve learned that you have to invest, even minimally to secure your future. No one my age is going to have Social Security so it’s up to us to make sure we aren’t a burden to our families once we retire. I’ve learned that new shoes aren’t as important as the mortgage payment and that drugstore make-up can cut it most of the time. I’ve learned I can live with only one or two hair appointments a year. I’ve learned that when I DO have money I’d rather do something with it than get something for it.

7) I’ve learned that life is too short to spend it with people who aren’t invested in you, working at jobs you despise (with the exception of #6 above – you can’t cut off your nose to spite your face so to speak), or just generally feeling unhappy about your life. If something is making you unhappy it is up to you to change it, it won’t change itself. And no one will know you are unhappy or that you need or want help if you don’t tell them.

Please note – while I KNOW this I still struggle daily to FOLLOW this. But I’m working on it. Life is a work in progress right? I believe in being able to choose your attitude. Choose Your Attitude. How great is that? If you think your life is terrible it will be. If you think you are happy and life is great then you are and it is. I’m hoping that didn’t come out to New Age-y but y’all know what I’m getting at right? It’s up to you.

8) I’ve learned that you can not believe everything you hear, see or read. You must consider the source, the context and then judge this information. It is up to you to educate yourself before taking sides on a position. I’ve learned that education is truly, truly important. It is so much more important than I ever knew at 19. I’ve also learned that you don’t need a fancy degree to be educated and that it is never too late. The information is out there, go find it. And then once you’ve found it, look at the context, consider the source and come up with your own ideas. I’ve learned that even honest people can sometimes present their views as fact or can give you advice based on incomplete information. It is up to you to question everything.

Especially some crazy, Self Help-ish crap a blogger writes for a creative workshop and spouts on the internets. :D

9) Stopping to smell the roses is a really good idea. Maybe I’m just focusing on this one because I’m yet another year older and I am officially at an age where in High School I thought I would be OLD. Not that I necessarily thought old was bad or anything but in my little teenaged old brain I thought by 29 I would be married, with a couple kids, having a career, traveling the world. You know, I’d be established. Well I suppose I have a few of the things I thought I’d have… the house, the husband-to-be, etc… But I don’t FEEL like I’m as mature as I could be, like I don’t have my shit in order and that’s bad.

So instead of dwelling and obsessing about the things I lack, and hopefully bypassing the stage where I sit silently rocking myself back and forth in the corner, chewing on my hair with a half dozen empty wine bottles in front of me, I am choosing to stop to appreciate the things I do have. I have a nice tidy home. I have flowers blooming all over the place that thanks to the collective efforts of my mom and future MIL are NOT dead! I have good friends. I have a good man to spend my life with. I have a snuggly cat whose sole purpose in life seems to be keeping my toes warm. I earn a steady paycheck. I am old enough to buy booze. All of these things are positive and I need to take the time to appreciate them.

10) Your health is important – you only get one shot at it. This is the only body I am ever going to get you know? So I figure it’s up to me to take care of it. That means different things to different people of course. For you it might mean drinking eight glasses of water a day and taking a multi-vitamin. For others of you it might mean riding your bike to work or something. For me, this means eating less processed foods with chemicals and scary additives I can not pronounce. It means more fruit and veggies and less burgers and fries. It means more water and green tea and less wine and tequila. It means getting my body moving, somehow, every day. Whether it’s taking the stairs between floors at work instead of the elevator, or the walk in from the bus stop, or going to a hike on a Sunday morning, or doing an exercise DVD in the evenings before I start dinner. That is what I am trying to do, for me, for my sanity, for this body that I am hoping to keep around for another decade or five.

Tuesday, April 08, 2008


I am officially a commuter!

I know I have technically been commuting since we moved out to the wine country 7 months ago but at first I had TheBoy so we could take the carpool lane which made the trip shorter (and I had someone to talk to) and, as I’ve complained about before, for the last 2 months or so I’ve been driving it solo. There is nothing like sitting in traffic for 3-4 hours each day to make you want to drive your car off a cliff. I’m just saying is all.

But today? Today I took public transportation! I’ve been wanting too for quite some time actually. It has the potential to save me $200 in gas alone in my car each month (more if the gas prices keep going up) and it’s better for the environment and so on. But I haven’t tried it until today. And other than one teeny tiny little snafu I think I did pretty well!

So, this is where all you guys need to take a second and remind yourself that I am a normal sane woman on most days. Got it? Good.

The main reason I have not tried public transit before now is… I am afraid of the germs. There I said it. I don’t like sitting next to strangers. Particularly sniffling, bathing optional strangers which is what I had pictured when I thought of riding the train or bus. Also, for some strange reason someone ALWAYS sits next to me. There can be a handful of empty seats and someone will pass those up and sit next to me. I don’t know if it is because I am small and chances are good they’ll end up sitting next to someone anyway but… Who knows? But with a guaranteed seat-mate I am guaranteed to be exposed to germs.

Anywho, this morning I was determined to try it. I got up, got all ready and was out the door by 5:40. I parked at the train station and made a mental note of my parking stall number so I could pay for it in the station. I walked along in the dark, swiped my ticket and went inside to pay for the parking and… forgot my stupid parking stall number! Tomorrow morning I will write it down. I was pretty sure it was either 2865 or 2685 so I took a stab in the dark and chose one. I guess we’ll see tonight if I gambled correctly!

The train ride went smoothly, I was one of the first people on the train and, of course, a woman came in just as the doors were closing at sat next to me. But she didn’t smell bad and wasn’t coughing like the guy in front of us so all in all I was content. I switched trains with no problem, the first train arriving at the same time as the second train so I was able to walk right across the platform and board my next train, where shockingly no one sat next to me. I got off at my designated stop and followed the signs for the bus loading.

Except… where I got off? There were like 40 different bus stops. So I walked along looking for the one I needed and I couldn’t find it! I did a second walk by just to be sure and then all of a sudden had a sinking feeling in my stomach. I had gotten off at the wrong stop! A woman from my office lives next to the station I was at and we had been talking about her picking me up at the train so we could carpool in to work from there. However, that was not the plan today. Today I needed to get off one station earlier so I could catch a connecting bus. Sheepishly I turned and headed back to the station, scanned my card and got on the next train heading that direction.

I chose to stand by the door for this trip since I was only going one stop and I was quickly back out in the bus loading zone but this time in the correct spot. I had no trouble finding my bus stop, even though the station is doing some serious remodeling/construction. I checked my schedule to see when the next bus would come since I had missed the bus I originally meant to take due to my detour. Ahem. These buses only come every half hour so I was afraid I had a long wait, in the freezing wind, ahead of me. Gladly I did not. I paid my fare and chose a seat close to the front where, of course, someone sat next to me (even though there were probably a dozen empty seats behind me – why? WHY do people do this?) and made it relatively quickly in to downtown and to work.

So my first experience with public transit, while not perfect, was certainly not terrible either. Even with my mistake of getting off at the wrong station (and a side trip to the first floor ladies room right away to wash my hands - germs!) I made it to my desk about 20–45 minutes earlier than I EVER get here driving. AND I got to listen to my iPod the whole way in. AND it is saving me gas and miles on my car. AND I’m helping the environment! Global warming is bad m’kay?

So yay me!

Friday, April 04, 2008

I love the DMV (I kid, I kid)

I had to go renew my driver’s license today as it expires next week. I have previously been able to renew my license via mail however this year I did not change my address with the DMV soon enough and they mailed the forms to our old apartment. It apparently takes an act of Congress and more super powers than I possess to get someone at the DMV to send you a duplicate set of forms so off I went.

I knew this whole shebang was not going to go well when I strolled in to the DMV 15 minutes early for my appointment, only to be told I was mistaken and that my appointment was an hour later than I thought. The lady working the desk was very nice and informed me that I was welcome to wait but they wouldn’t take me before my appointment. I could either go to the coffee shop down the street and come back later or I could add myself to the “walk-in” queue, wait time approximately two and a half hours.

So I did the logical thing and went down and got myself a cup of coffee and people watched the yuppie Pleasanton soccer moms. It was at the same time relaxing and annoying because I wanted to get the DMV thing over with sooner rather than later as I still had to drive into work today. About half an hour later I got bored at the coffee shop and decided to head back to the DMV and read the book I thankfully remembered to bring.

I don’t know if any of you have been to the DMV recently but they are SO much more high tech than they were a decade ago when I took my initial driver’s test. I walked in and the woman (same nice lady) looked me up, gave me the forms to fill out and pointed me to a seat. Once I had the form filled out she took the clipboard and other paraphernalia and punched something into this little machine and out popped a number on a slip of paper. All around the room were TV screens displaying various numbers and which desk those numbers should go to. Mas fancy.

I settled in to wait and dug out my book and made some sort of polite comment to the lady on my right about the fancy high tech thingamajig. She was equally impressed and we began a conversation lamenting the release of our current licenses with their younger photos and smaller numbers in the weight field and the joys of taking our behind the wheel tests. She remarked to me that she failed the first time she took the driving test only to be told at her second appointment that the man who had administered her test always failed people who came in on their 16th birthday. I guess it was his thing. But how disappointing to fail the driver’s test on your sweet 16 birthday!?!? It totally ruined her birthday and I could totally understand.

I then shared the story of MY behind the wheel driver’s test and how I too failed it the first time. I had practiced SO hard and was really excited and feeling confident the day of my test (which was the day AFTER my 16th birthday – cheerleading practice – you know). I remember my mom had a Honda or some other such foreign four door sedan that I was going to be driving. Things for my test appeared to be going really well and the guy who was administering the test was friendly. Back up along the curb – check, three point turn, check. I was doing great!

As we were finishing up and heading back to the DMV we stopped at a red light and waited for me to make a left turn. When the light turned green I zipped right out there and made my left turn. I looked over smiling to the guy, sure I was going to pass with flying colors, and in a very dry voice he said “there was no left turn arrow at that light”. Whoops! Is that bad? Needless to say I didn’t make THAT mistake the second time around and managed to get my license on the second try.

And I always check to see whether I am at a left arrow or not before turning now. Ahem.

Anyway, this conversation with the woman in the waiting room passed the time quickly and I had barely had a chance to read my novel when my number was called. The rest of the test passed quickly, with only a minor scare at the eye test (my eyes and mouth don’t work so well in tandem), and I was quickly being handed my temporary slip of paper showing my license was not indeed expired. I managed to get out of there a mere three and a half hours later, which would have been only two and a half if I had managed to get my appointment time right.

Just think! I get to repeat this whole scenario in a few months when I change my name. Woo Hoo!

Tuesday, April 01, 2008

Reason # 218 why I hate my birthday

I stood in the shower this morning and cried for almost half an hour. Then I got out of the shower and lay back down in bed, where I cried some more. All of this before I managed to pull my shit together and get dressed and leave for work. I don’t know how some people spend years in unsatisfying and non-stimulating jobs. I almost wish I could be one of those people right now. Because right now? I absolutely HATE my job.

It’s actually pretty conflicting really. I love my boss. He’s probably the most understanding and generous boss I have ever had. I love our clients. I like talking to them and hearing their stories. So what is the problem? I am bored. I feel completely non-challenged. I feel like I have learned all there is for me to learn in this position and I am ready to move on. I resent the normal tasks and stereotypes that come along with my job title. I want to move forward, move on.

Also? I hate the commute. HATE. I hate wasting two hours of my day to get to a job that doesn’t challenge me so I can sit bored to tears for nine hours only to get back in the car and waste another two hours. This mind numbing routine is draining. When I get home from work I am not in the mood to do anything except have a glass or three of wine. I don’t want to cook. I don’t want to clean. I don’t want to go to the gym (even though my fat ass needs to something fierce). Sometimes I feel too drained to even want to cuddle with my cat.

Sadly, I can not see a single way out of this situation. I need the income this job provides to pay the mortgage on our house. I can’t find another job that is 1) nearer to home, 2) challenging and 3) pays what I make now. So I’m stuck. I’m stuck wasting almost four hours a day doing nothing. I’m stuck working at a job that bores me to tears. I’m just stuck.

So why the title?

It’s no secret that I hate my birthday. Every year I take stock of where I am and realize how far it is from where I thought, from where I wanted to be by the time I hit this age. I thought that by this time I would have a fulfilling career, something I was passionate about. Because while I certainly have an aptitude for the line of work I am, I have no passion for it. I guess there are a lot of things that I thought would be different by now. I guess it’s just the overwhelming, soul sucking, completely draining way that I spend more than half of my allotted 24 hours each day that seems to take over the focus of my life.

I am doomed to be one of those people haunting the self-help aisle looking for answers to why I don’t have the life I want?

So far this is turning out to be a GREAT birthday.