Monday, April 30, 2007

Peanut Butter on Leather

First off everyone say hi to my mom!

Who as you all know, from reading my earlier posts, is actually a wonderful mom and someone I consider a close friend, but who also maybe has the world’s worst timing when thinking “maybe today is a good day to start reading my daughter’s blog” last Friday.


Now. Does anyone out there know how to get peanut butter out of leather? See in an effort to give this whole boot camp thing a fighting chance I’m actually going back and following the advice from the nutritionist again also. Because as expensive as boot camp is - that nutritionist cost me my first born child (practically) so I might as well get some use out of it.

Did y’all know that there is this whole meal out there called “breakfast” that people eat in the MORNING? Which involves actual solid food and not just coffee? Yeah me neither. I mean I knew there were breakfast foods. Eggs & potatoes & all sorts of breakfast-y type goodness. I mean I LOVE breakfast foods… At about noon. On a Saturday. With a Mimosa. I’m just saying is all…

So anyway, breakfast. (Can y’all tell already this whole post is going to be filled with tangents? I can not keep a straight thought in my head today!) This morning after boot camp I had a banana and then took a piece of whole grain sourdough bread with peanut butter on it to eat in the car while I drove to work… Can you see where this is going?

I’m driving along, minding my own business, when all of a sudden traffic just stops. On the freeway. Love you Bay Area traffic! But of course my purse? The one that is sitting in the passenger seat? It totally fell forward when I slammed on my brakes. Right in to my peanut butter covered slice of bread. Awesome!

I am now the proud owner of one very cute Coach purse with a slightly peanut butter-y smelling strap. Yay me!

Friday, April 27, 2007

Fat is as fat does

Isn’t it funny how you can know something, deep down or in the back of your mind, but it never bothers you until someone close to you mentions it? So in the last 3 or 4 months I’ve gained some weight, not a ton (8 pounds to be exact – I checked), but enough that I had noticed and it was bothering me.

Now keep in mind that in the last few months I have also had pneumonia, the flu, started college again, taken two vacations and had my damn birthday – all of which joined forces to make it either hard for me to work out or hard for me not to want to EAT ALL THE TIME. Because working out is fine for me. I’ve subscribed to the “no pain no gain” newsletter and I read it faithfully. But food? Food is my weakness. I love food! I love the smells and tastes, I love cooking and experimenting… I just LOVE FOOD.

Not so good for the waistline apparently.

But I HAD noticed and was taking steps to get back on track. I’ve been to the gym and have been working my poor lungs back into workable shape. I’ve started to be a little more reasonable about the eating at home (because we have far too many social engagements for me to control it all the time) bringing back more natural foods, fruits, veggies, lean meats, blah, blah, blah… I even dug out all my old notes from the nutritionist. And then I went and did two very, very important and scary (and maybe crazy) things…

I threw out my “rainy day” pack of cigarettes. Both of them. I know, I know I said I was going to do that months ago… Well I did it now. Happy? Better late than never no?

And y’all? I signed myself back up for boot camp. Oh yeah – that’s right. Me and 5:00 am are going to get reacquainted. But seriously… that program BEAT me into shape, it DRUG me KICKING and SCREAMING into shape. I think I need a little of that again.

SO having taken the above steps in the last week or so I was certainly shocked and appalled last night at dinner when my mother pulled me aside and said “looks like you’ve gained an awful lot of weight sweetie.”


NOTE – if you are Southern you believe that adding “sweetie”, “sugar” or “darling” on to the end of whatever you say makes it seem alright because you truly care about the person you are saying these things to. As a Southern woman I realized last night that “sweetie” does NOT in fact make things better!

To top it all off when she called to apologize this morning (I was maybe a bit distant at dinner after that – y’all come on!) she couldn’t leave well enough alone… I got to hear about how it’s a mother’s right to be worried about their children and how clearly something must be wrong because I’ve gotten SO FAT and don’t I know I can talk to her about anything? Also, she was genuinely concerned that the new clothes I had bought myself for my birthday (in a smaller size than last year!) weren’t going to fit anymore… I was wearing one of those outfits LAST NIGHT! Perhaps it makes me look fat and I should burn it right away…

Why is it that a woman who is almost 30 can be reduced to tears of frustration on the freeway in morning traffic by her mother? How embarrassing is that? I’m sure all the other motorists thought my dog had died or something… I guess I should be embarrassed that something so trivial as being called fat makes me want to cry but… Jeez it’s been a rough road to here and I’m certainly not FAT by any means and I’m no where NEAR the weight I was when I most definitely WAS fat. It’s frustrating.

It’s enough to make a girl run to the bathroom and stick her finger down her throat.

Friday, April 13, 2007

Just a quickie…

Do people ever say things to you that leave you so non-plussed you actually have no response? Take for example the following exchange that JUST HAPPENED at my local bagel shop:

Girl behind counter: Tiffany?

Me: Yes?

GBC: I’m so sorry but we’re out of fruit salad today. Would you like potato salad or coleslaw instead?

Me: (joking) Well I always would like potato salad instead… Just have to watch my girlish figure!

Male manager type: (piping in from left field) I’ll watch it for you – I say have the potato salad.

Me: …

Alrighty then! It’s a good thing I’ll be on vacation for a week and not tempted to go in there! But damn their Panini’s make a tasty lunch.


Did I mention that TheBoy and I are going to Palm Desert next week for the whole week pretty much for free? (Okay suspend reality here for a moment and pretend I blog regularly.) Yes! It’s true! AND it’s supposed to be in the high 80’s or 90 every day we are there except one! Yee Haw baby! It is pool time for Tiffy.

Bring on the freckles.

Also, I maybe have the Best Boss On The Planet since he gladly gave me the week off even though I just got back from DC like 10 days ago. I think it was maybe a birthday present / quarter end bonus / he’s just a great guy like that kind of thing.


Also, I maybe whined about how I had to take Algebra? Well I went like 14 rounds with that class last week y’all and IT WAS WINNING! So I dropped it. There is apparently another class I can take that deals more with finance and statistics and real world numbers (accounting and budgeting and that stuff) but absolutely no theory and random, will-never-use-this-in-the-real-world-ever crap.

So I signed up for that one. It starts on the 24th. Wish me luck!

Because really, I wasn’t about to ruin my perfect A average over freaking Algebra which I have NEVER USED in the 14 years or so since I last took it and probably will not use again in the next 14 years. EVER.

I’m just saying is all.