Emotional Roller Coaster

It’s amazing how talking to different people can change your perspective on things. For weeks I have been standing at a crossroad. Yesterday I thought I was certain which path I was going to take. However, after having a long discussion with TheBoy last night I now realize that the path I need to take is the opposite. Perhaps I needed a voice of reason?

And today, even though I know that the choice we made was ultimately the wisest, I feel… sad. Like I’ve given up yet another dream that doesn’t quite fit into the life I’ve chosen. Why does it have to be one way or the other? And why is it always me giving in? *sigh* But enough sour grapes. This is the best decision… Financially. For us. For now.

Crossroad

Do you ever wake up in the morning and have a premonition that something is going to happen that day to change you? Yesterday morning I woke up, bright and early after a night of drinking wine and listening to live music with some co-workers, in my ocean view* hotel room in Monterey at about 6:30 am despite all my best efforts to sleep in. I had left the window open the night before so the birds were singing and I could hear the sounds of people on the street below me. For the first time in a long time I just felt… happy. It could have had something to do with the motivational seminar I attended over the last two days, or maybe the fact that the sun was out after a day of rain but I was finally feeling at peace with myself.

I stood by my window staring off into the distance watching the sunrise color the sky and thought about the last few months. About the long hours I’ve worked, the countless hours of coursework and research and participation points I’ve logged, about the changes among my friends and family and the changes I’m facing in my own life and for a moment I thought… “It’s all going to work out.”

I wasn’t sure how, and to be honest I’m still not sure, but after being in a perpetually cheery mood all day (for no good reason at all) I received a phone call from someone I hadn’t expected to hear from again. Someone with an offer of something I didn’t think would come. Then, I received news from an opposite front, good news, conflicting news. However, this time I feel secure in the path I will follow. If the stars align… Details to come.


*Ocean View = standing in one corner of the room and craning your neck out the window to glimpse the bay. It was beautiful… if a little cramped. :D

Tap, tap, tap…

Is this thing on?

I know, I know… It has been over a month since I wrote to y’all last but let me assure you it has been busy month. I have finished another class in school with an A grade (yay me) and started (and almost completed) another in which I’m on track for another A. I have interviewed and declined my dream job, come to terms with my own insecurities, looked myself in the mirror and realized once and for all how unhappy I am with my life, traveled out of town for pleasure and for business, played with my friends and generally tried to live life.

I will try to be back tomorrow with a more detailed update of at least one of the items listed above… I have also realized that because so many of my real life friends (hello friends of Tiffy!) read this blog, I have been censoring myself and trying to not let too many of my emotions pour out. But as I’ve learned in my recent management courses, sometimes letting your feelings show is a good thing. So I might try to be brave and actually post some of the things I’ve written in the last month…

