As a child Christmas was my favorite holiday, even more exciting than my birthday, which I didn't start loathing until sometime around 18 or 20. I loved the lights, the chill in the air and the fact that my mom and I always had company. I think that is the part of Christmas that I have tried to hold on to as an adult, the happiness of being with friends and family. Even if I haven't spoken to someone as often as I should have, at Christmas getting together becomes a priority. I love that.
What I don't love is the commercialism and materialism that surrounds the holidays. I'm sorry to all of my readers who love getting presents or delight in selecting the perfect item to bestow on a loved one. Gift giving to me is stressful at best and gift receiving makes me highly uncomfortable. Like I'm sitting in the room in my panties and have to pretend its totally normal behavior.
This Christmas in particular I've noticed that I have had numerous opportunities for reconciliation with my past. And for some reason my instinct has changed from "run screaming from that jerk who broke my heart or the ghost of fathers past" to "maybe its time to forgive and move on with my life." We'll see if anything comes of any of this but I've decided as a New Year's resolution of sorts to just relax and be open to communications I might otherwise not have been.