I have been really good lately at keeping my life in perspective and being positive. In fact, I feel like I've become a regular Susie Sunshine over here. I'm proud of this fact because at the end of the day... my life doesn't suck. So I try and keep that in perspective and chose my attitude every day. And it has been working.
Except today.
Today I feel like I am irrationally angry at anyone and everyone but also like I might burst into tears at any moment. In fact I HAVE burst into tears once already today and was quite successful at the rapid blinking back of tears on a couple other occasions. Y'all! This has got to stop! Unfortunately I know there are a few factors at play here and I feel like I might just have to wait this moody mood out.
Factor #1... I have quit smoking. Again.
Now I know I have said this before and never actually managed to quit for good but... if I'm being honest my heart was never into it before. The fact is I like to smoke and thus far it has not kept me from doing anything I want to do. I still run semi-regularly and hike and wakeboard without even the slightest wheeze or cough. But I know I can't do it forever and recently a couple friends have quit which was inspiring... But the clincher came a few days ago when TheBoy mentioned to me that he was concerned with how much I had been smoking and y'all, HE HAS NO IDEA! It's not like I keep it from him or anything but I would guess I do a majority of my smoking away from him so for him to be concerned with the amount of my smoking in front of him then I must have gotten a smidge out of control! So today is day five of me being a non-smoker (and I mean a REAL non-smoker, no casual social smoking for me either - for now) so that might have something to do with my all over pissy mood.
Factor #2... I have slept maybe one night in the last four or five.
As any of you long time readers will know, I have always had issues with insomnia here and there. BUT! This is the first time that my insomnia has gotten a helping hand in the form of a snoring husband. TheBoy has always snored, ever since we met, but I used to be able to kind of run his tummy or, if it was really bad, nudge him until he rolled from his back to his side or stomach and it would stop. Or at least it would stop long enough for me to fall asleep. Well not any more! Now that boy snores no matter how he sleeps and no amount of tummy rubbing, nudging or flat out shaking his ass awake will help. I am at my wit's end y'all. Its enough to drive a girl to hurt someone... What is spousal murder anyway? Spousicide? I'm just saying is all.
Factor #3... I really, really hate this job/commute.
I know it is the responsible adult decision to make, coming back here. The money is better, the benefits are better, its stable and they freaking love me. The rational part of my brain knows that, really it does. I thought I could just sort of grin and bear it and know that I was doing the right thing for me and my family... But on days like today? I just can't! Days like today remind me of all the reasons I left this commute and this industry and swore I would NEVER come back. It might be time to start out on those working from home days STAT. And I feel silly complaining about it, I do. I know that my job isn't the most stressful on the planet. I know that other people have longer commutes than me. Hell, I used to know a guy whose commute was two hours plus WITHOUT traffic. That is WAY worse than mine! And I know I'm not the only person out there who hates their job. Its just that I had a job I loved. And now I miss it.
So send me positive thoughts today guys. I need them. Positive thoughts, a huge glass of wine after work with a friend (yay happy hour - the sole redeeming factor of being back in corporate America) and to get a good night's sleep tonight. Even if I have to lock myself in my car to get it!
3 comments:
Tiff, quitting smoking was one of the hardest things I've ever done but I did quit - so can you! I won't wish you luck because luck has nothing to do with it, it's all in the head - your head! :) You are going through the hard part right now, the first week or two, but WHEN you make it through that it's a piece of cake. I know you can do it!!!
Everything is so much better without cigarettes, how things taste, how things smell - life is better with out the stink. Plus they just cost way to much too!
I will wish you luck with TheBoy and his snoring, there are things he can try...talking to a Dr. would be a good first step.
Sorry about the whole commute bit, I may be living the easy life with mine right now but I've felt that pain before. As for them loving you, not surprised....brains, great smile and an awesome personality is just the tip of what you bring to the table.
Enjoy your wine and you've got a ton of positive thoughts headed your way!!!
Awe Tiffy, with all my bullshit I am sorry to hear about yours or rather not hear about yours enough. Lay it on me sista!
The smoking thing: well it is good for you, remember my grandma? Nuff said.
The snoring thing: at the risk of being a hypocrit since I have been told I am a serious offender of said crime, what about encouraging him to see a doctor? I know how embarassing, annoying, and sleep depriving the contraptions are to sleep in but marriage is a compramise...right?
The job/commute: well--here's my view, we're ONLY 30 (indeed I thought I'd be a little more settled and satisfied by now but eh) so perhaps if you grunt and groan a little more and suffer through this next year or two, things will turn your way soon enough.
And remember...I love you :)
hmmm, I guess I can't spell either :)
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