Tuesday, March 08, 2011

Green IS a good color for me...

This writer is blocked.

But! Don’t give up on me dear IIFs! I promise the 30 days of truth will continue, if for no other reason that we are finally (!) at day 13 which is exciting on so many levels because 1) I’ve pretty much been waiting for this day since day one, 2) day 13 may have been (read: totally was) the reason I signed up to do this damn thing in the first place and 3) you’ll finally be let in to my inner crazy and find out how I do in fact think I could be BFFs with a pop star. Oh yes, yes I do.

It’s just that… It’s been hard for me to write light-hearted and fun posts the last few days because I’ve been firmly wrapped up in my own little pity party. See, TheBoy lost his job a few weeks back so things have gotten necessarily tighter on the money front which is no fun for anyone. Gone are my sanity-saving 5 am work outs, gone are my peace-filled yoga classes, gone are happy hours with friends, a mini-vacay planned for May with my mama, plans to finish restoring the new boat and… oh pretty much everything else that isn’t directly related to food, gas, rent or MY job.

And to be totally honest, the worst part of this whole thing? I am so totally and utterly annoyed that it was TheBoy who lost his job and not me. I know right? Someone please slap me because that is just redockulous! But there you have it, the truth, in all its unflattering and ugly glory. I am mad at my husband for losing his job because damn it I’M the one who hates my freaking job and who has been trying desperately to figure out a way to move on! I was counting on the hubby’s job working out so that he could eventually make decent enough money so that I could quit MY job and go back to school! It shouldn’t be HIM who is home all day, planning a new career and taking all the time he needs to get things done around the house – it should be ME!

Le sigh.

Wow I am a bad wife eh? Instead of supporting my hubby through this transition time I’ve been secretly… Jealous? Yes I think jealous sums it up nicely. Lord, I apologize. And I know, when I’m not indulging in self-pity and woe-is-me type thoughts, that this is temporary, that TheBoy was NOT happy in that position and that he’s relieved to be on to something new. I know that he WILL eventually find something and that I should think of myself as LUCKY that I have a job that (for the most part) pays our bills to a sufficient degree that we can afford for one of us to be unemployed. I know that it isn’t the end of the world and we will get through this. I understand that if it HAD been me who had lost my job, we wouldn’t have been able to make ends meet and that I certainly wouldn’t have been able to scrape up the money to go back to school.

Now, how do I kick this funk?

2 comments:

Michele said...

Aww, you aren't a bad wife at all. It's a tough situation and you are human!

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