Resolute

Adj. Firmly resolved or determined; set in purpose or opinion.

Last year about this time I posted this which contained all my New Year’s resolutions and hopes for 2006. Heh. Well, for those who have been reading along these past 12 months (or who know me in real life) know that 2006 has been a LONG and HARD year for me. But I’ve survived. I’ve survived and I’m even cautiously optimistic about 2007. Truly.

I was even pleasantly surprised to see that I didn’t totally blow it on all of my resolutions for 2006. Since y’all know… I do love me a good list! So what are the results? SO glad you asked!

~ I did lose the last 12 pounds and made it to my goal weight. Yay me! I’ve even managed to make it through the holiday season and only gain about two pounds. Not too shabby… I’d like to see some more toning but considering I haven’t set foot in my gym more than sporadically in the last couple months… Eh. I’ll take it!

~ I didn’t enter any 10k or half marathons. For two reasons. Two of my close girlfriends got engaged this year, one of whom I was the maid of honor for. That’s a lot of work people. Also, there was the whole mosquito / staph / bacterial infection issue… It’s hard to train with a hole in your foot y’all. I’m just saying.

~ Reasonable eating plan was successful. I attribute that as the reason why I am not the size of a house given my lack of exercise (see above).

~ I did not ever manage to enroll at SJSU (hate you SJSU!!) but I am currently enrolled at the University of Phoenix online and am working on completing my degree. Not in history (maybe not so useful after all) but in Business (boring) and Hospitality Management (yay!).

~ Debt. Ha! (See weddings/running above.)

~ Consumption of alcohol. Ha Ha! (See weddings/running/debt above.)

~ I’m still working on the Positive and Enthusiastic part… I have good days and… “other” days. What can I say?

~ I’ve come to terms with my insomnia. I call it Louise and we get together regularly. I miss her if she doesn’t show up regularly. It’s a love / hate relationship but I can’t giver her up. What can I say… Maybe I like the relationships that are bad for me?

~ I resisted the urge to cut off all my hair… Until after Angie’s wedding. Ooops! Well whatever. It’s just hair right?

~ As for all those others… Well I’m sure I could have done a better job of showing my friends how much they mean to me. I could have spent more time with my mother. I could have called more, written more, been less self-absorbed. Like I said, this was a tough year. For that… I am sorry. But my wonderful, selfless, truly amazing friends and family were by my side through it all. I am truly lucky.

~ Did I try anything new this year? Was I risky? Did I do anything exciting and out of my comfort zone? Hmmm… I went back to school. That counts right? And… You know what? I was honest about my feelings with someone for the first time ever. It didn’t get me the results I thought it would… But it was scary and I did it and I suppose I can’t really regret it (even though deep down a piece of me does). So there you have it – I did two new and exciting and also, scary and terrifying things in 2006.

I actually haven’t made any resolutions for 2007 yet. I’ve been so busy trying to get through 2006 that I haven’t spent a whole lot of time looking forward to the New Year yet. But knowing me and my little list loving heart I’ll be back soon with a little list of must do’s for 2007! Hopefully on that list will be a line item for “be a better blogger”!

;^D

Sleepless rambling

I am sitting alone on my tiny two foot by three foot hotel balcony over-looking the state capitol. It is 3:00 am and I am freezing cold but I can’t sleep so I am sitting here, wrapped in an awful hotel blanket, smoking too many cigarettes, tipsy from one too many martinis and thinking of the events of the evening. I’m alone, but not lonely, it’s been a long two days and I’m ready to go home tomorrow. Wait, I’m going home today. I never stay up this late. Early. Whatever.

It’s funny how things that are meant to do one thing can sometimes do another. I’m here in Sacramento at a conference designed to get me motivated about my current industry. Yet all I can think of is how I can apply any of these theories to the industry I really want to be in. I laugh at all the jokes and tease my co-workers about their corny enthusiasm but really my mind is a million miles away.

“Where do you see yourself in three years Tiffany?”

Do questions like that ever catch you off guard? Do you ever answer them honestly? I never do. And really, how can you know? I know where I’d LIKE to be in three years. Then there is where I can realistically see myself in three years. And of course there is the answer I know my boss is looking for… where he wants me to be in three years. Where my mom wants me to be in three years. Where my friends, my boyfriend want me to be in three years.

Where do I want to be in three years?

Far, far away from this balcony.

Do you ever wish you could disappear and make yourself into something else entirely. I wonder, briefly, what it would be like to fly from this balcony (not jump – no worries) and just soar above the earth until I find a place that looks… a little warmer. A little more inviting. Like a place I could put down roots and prosper.

Somewhere… I could be me. In three years.