Saturday, February 28, 2009

The woman I want to be

There is this song on country radio right now by Montgomery Gentry called Roll With Me that makes me stop and think every time I hear it. I've always been big into music and especially song lyrics. In fact an old friend of mine recently asked me if I still have the dozens of journals I was always copying lyrics into. (The answer is yes, I do. Though I didn't realize every one knew I did that.) I guess as a writer I'm always looking for the perfect words to express myself and sometimes these song writers just nail it head on you know? The chorus of this particular song starts like this:

So now I'm slowing it down and I'm looking around
And I'm lovin' this town and I'm doing alright
Ain't worried 'bout nothing 'cept for the man I wanna be

Those lyrics have become the theme song to "The year of Tiffy" that I've embarked on. I want to slow down, take a look around and really take the time to enjoy this life I'm living. No, it's not perfect. It's not even remotely what I had envisioned for myself even two short years ago. What it IS is my life, the only life I'm going to get, and I want to take the time to savor the moments while they are happening because once this day is over I can't ever get it back. Not to sound too melodramatic or anything but I just really don't want to look back on my life and think I have wasted any time being needlessly unhappy, or unfulfilled, or doing things I know I shouldn't be doing. I want to look back and be proud of what I accomplish every day, I want to be happy with my actions, feel content with the person I've portrayed. I want to be the best wife/daughter/friend/sister I can be with no regrets.

I was out working a lunch event last week and got to chatting with one of the guys who is a regular customer of mine. He was telling me about how he spends as many hours a day outdoors as possible, running or hiking or just sitting in the park with his dog. He explained how he thinks life is too short to be bored, how he changed careers after 20 successful years to get into a different field because he was tired of being good at, but not feeling great about what he did for a living. Y'all, it was like talking to an older, male version of myself. He gave me some advice about not wasting time wanting to make changes to my life but instead seizing every opportunity. He told me it isn't selfish to want to make myself happy, and in fact by making myself happy I'll be making those who love me happy at the same time. It really resonated with me because as much as I joke about wanting my life to be "all about me" I struggle with putting my own desires above other people's. His comment was that it's up to them to live their days to the fullest and that I can't do it for them.

I don't know if this man was divinely inspired to speak to me or if it was just one of those rare moments when someone can sense what you are going through and offers some perspective. Either way I've been replaying that conversation in my head for the past few days. Funny how sometimes a stranger can speak to you so clearly, and make such an impact. It reminds me of this saying that used to hang over the desk of an old college professor of mine that said "always smile and speak positively because you never know whose life you can touch with love."

Make it a great day!

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