Wednesday, July 31, 2013

Surprising

It's been 8 months since TheEx and I finally decided to shoot the lame horse that was our marriage. 7 months since I moved in to my first non-shared (and admittedly tiny) apartment in over a dozen years. I've alternated between feeling relieved, feeling angry, wanting to cry and desperately wanting to move on. I've gone out with the girls, kissed a few boys, attended too many happy hours and worked a lot more hours. Nothing could have prepared me for this transitional time in my life. It seems like no matter how many hours I spent planning to leave or how many times I day-dreamed about getting out of my terribly unhappy marriage I never, ever could have pictured what an interesting ride these last several months have been.

For example, I met TheEx's new girlfriend. Three times. And I didn't hate her. In fact, I quite liked her. Though I don't really understand what she's doing with my ex if I'm honest. She seems nice enough, well educated, goal oriented, strong. And yet the first night I met her, when she had to hunt him down outside a function because he'd left her alone, I felt... sorry for her. I felt grateful that it finally wasn't me wondering where he'd snuck off to, only to find him standing in the dark talking to some girl. Not that I'm just "some girl" but. I couldn't help but wonder why on earth she'd put up with that crap after only 6 months? Out of all the feelings I thought I'd have coming face to face with this woman, the first of the ladies my ex was seeing and could acknowledge publically because we're no longer together, I didn't expect to feel... relief. Surprising.

I also learned that men can apparently sniff out when a woman opens herself up to dating. After going months without so much as a single flirtation suddenly, and seemigly without warning, the flood gates opened and I found myself with more invitations than I knew what to do with. After initially telling myself I'd go out, at least once, with anyone who asked me (just to see - its seriosuly been so long since I've dated you guys - I wasn't sure I knew how to do it!) I finally had to put my foot down because I couldn't keep things straight. Some dates were fun but some were more like a chore. Some guys I felt chemistry with but most I only liked. All in all I'm not sorry but I have discovered that there is a reason I've had so many long term relationships - I'm a serial monogmist at heart. Dating is just... exhausting. Surprising.

All I can say is that I'm really looking forward to what the next several months have in store for me.

3 comments:

Michele said...

You've come a long way in the last 7 months!! I'm proud of you!

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