Thursday, October 12, 2006

Excuses and Lies

I make excuses and avoid having conversations with people because I don’t think I really want to know the truth. It’s easier for me to come up with reasons I think people behave the way they do than face the cold hard truth. Facing the truth is scary. I like to lie to myself. Is that naïve?

Because sometimes knowing the truth means making decisions. Decisions I may not be mentally or emotionally prepared to make. So instead of asking, “why don’t you want this?” Or, “what did you mean by that?” I excuse it away in my head blaming a bad childhood or emotional blockage or saying they’re just “that way” and for the most part I convince myself that I’m right.

But in my dreams? At night I’m forced to accept the fact that perhaps it’s not the fact that someone just doesn’t show emotions – perhaps they don’t FEEL the particular emotion I want them to feel. Maybe it’s not that they’re just “that way” it’s just that they’re “that way” with me. It’s not really any of the things I made up in my mind.

What if it’s not his parents divorce?


Michele said...


Liz said...

I want to rage at the idea that it would be you. How can it be you? You are the most supportive, loving, lovable, amazing person I know. And No I am not bias! But when darkness falls and doubt creeps in- there isn't any idea any of us wouldn't entertain.

Laurie said...

I agree with Liz.

But, I know how you feel. EXACTLY.