Oh man could I use a happy hour this week! The first thing I'd mention if we were hanging out over wine would be that TheHusband and I have settled nicely back in to our "sugar mama" and "house husband" roles this week... It’s almost like that whole employment thing was a dream. A cash-flush dream. Don't get me wrong... I'm still an insomniac, constantly nauseous, on the verge of tears stress case over it. But I'm trying to keep my sense of humor because... well... it’s all I've got left between me and a massive melt down. So.
Also, I'm feeling better because I thought originally that there was no way I was going to be able to go on this house boat vacation TheHusband and I planned (and paid for) months ago because I couldn't afford to take the time off of work but I think I've figured out a way. Not that I think I should necessarily be taking vacation at a time like this but I'll tell you, staying home and working while my un-employed husband goes on the vacation that I paid for? That's just asking a little much... I try to put a happy face on everything but there are limits people. Limits.
If we were having wine I'd be forced to admit that the most painful fall out of the back to one income thing has been the fact that I wasn't able to start classes this week. I was wait-listed in two classes but once I sat down to work out the finances for the next couple weeks in light of our reduced income, I realized that there was no way I could justify spending $500 on classes right now. $500 buys a lot of groceries. And gas in the car. I'm just saying. So, as disappointed as I am, I'm making the best of it and have already got my calendar set up to check back for registration dates for the spring semester. Maybe I'll even make it IN to the class next time. Cross your fingers that we're back on solid ground by then!
Over wine I might mention how this glass of wine would pair perfectly with my absolute new favorite recipe ever. Thanks to one of my SIL's I still get Bon Appetit magazine and last month's issue featured all these awesome recipes for tomatoes... OMG you guys. I've made this one dish THREE TIMES! Its so good. Like crave-worthy good. You must try it. You'll thank me. You can find the recipe here: Chicken with Herb-Roasted Tomatoes and Pan Sauce. I just make it all in one pan - cause I hate doing dishes - so first roast the tomatoes and then transfer to a bowl and cook the chicken then transfer those to a plate and make the sauce. I've added mushrooms and kale to mine (separate occasions) and both were fantastic. I think I might just make the tomato part one time and serve over grilled fish. Or omelets for brunch. The possibilities are endless!
Over wine I'd probably tell you how I'm still absolutely in love with my organic food box... Not sure how I managed without it all those years! Local folks - go check it out: Planet Organics. I really wish I had the time to get a planter box in our community garden... I miss having my own tomatoes, peppers and herbs growing. That's definitely on the bucket list.
Speaking of bucket lists... Does anyone actually have one? Cause I'm thinking about starting one. I've been watching along as one of my favorite new found bloggers checks things off of what she calls her "mighty life list". Its inspiring! I mean, I don't know if I would ever really aspire to eating 100's of different kinds of fruits but... I would like to go to Burning Man one day... That definitely has to go on the life list! And I still haven't ever swam with the dolphins... Or finished a complete story. In any size! Not even a novella! Or an article! Something to think about. It'd have to be something I could randomly add stuff too as thoughts occur to me (or I learn of new exciting things to try).
Thursday, August 23, 2012
Thursday, August 16, 2012
Wine?
Oh man this week has been a doozy you guys. I wish I could get everyone together and ACTUALLY drink wine and bitch about things... Its therapeutic. You know? But this is fun, pretending, also.
Over a glass of wine I'd probably confess that I've become seriously obsessed with the music by Michael Kiwanuka. Like, been on repeat constantly for the last few days, obsessed. I read a few reviews about him after Outside Lands, which I did not go to but had several friends who attended and lots of bloggers I read went so it was ~almost~ like I was there. But I digress. YouTube this guy. Right. Now. You're welcome.
If we were drinking wine I'd tell you how nervous I am to (possibly) be going back to school. Seriously? First day of school jitters? At 33? WTF. I may or may not be planning to drag TheHusband to the campus over the weekend so I can get a lay out of the buildings and where exactly my classes are. That way I won't feel like a complete moron wandering around in a rush on Monday. Eeek.
When we got to the second glass of wine you'd probably notice that my head was someplace else and I'd finally be forced to spill the beans on the thing that has been all consuming for the last week... Y'all. TheHusband's job? That contract he got until the end of the year, that could possibly turn in to something long term but even if not would help him get back in the work force and buy us some much needed financial breathing room? Its ending. Like, any day now could be his last day, company is going under, "go ahead and send your resume out and let us know if you need time off to interview" ending. At this point we're not even sure he's going to get his last pay check (which was supposed to come yesterday). And no, he doesn't qualify for any more unemployment. I am so...
I'm so not up for talking about it yet. I'm sorry guys. Can I have some more of that wine?
Over a glass of wine I'd probably confess that I've become seriously obsessed with the music by Michael Kiwanuka. Like, been on repeat constantly for the last few days, obsessed. I read a few reviews about him after Outside Lands, which I did not go to but had several friends who attended and lots of bloggers I read went so it was ~almost~ like I was there. But I digress. YouTube this guy. Right. Now. You're welcome.
If we were drinking wine I'd tell you how nervous I am to (possibly) be going back to school. Seriously? First day of school jitters? At 33? WTF. I may or may not be planning to drag TheHusband to the campus over the weekend so I can get a lay out of the buildings and where exactly my classes are. That way I won't feel like a complete moron wandering around in a rush on Monday. Eeek.
When we got to the second glass of wine you'd probably notice that my head was someplace else and I'd finally be forced to spill the beans on the thing that has been all consuming for the last week... Y'all. TheHusband's job? That contract he got until the end of the year, that could possibly turn in to something long term but even if not would help him get back in the work force and buy us some much needed financial breathing room? Its ending. Like, any day now could be his last day, company is going under, "go ahead and send your resume out and let us know if you need time off to interview" ending. At this point we're not even sure he's going to get his last pay check (which was supposed to come yesterday). And no, he doesn't qualify for any more unemployment. I am so...
I'm so not up for talking about it yet. I'm sorry guys. Can I have some more of that wine?
Monday, August 13, 2012
30 Days of Truth - Day 14
Day 14 → A hero that has let you down. (letter)
Dear You,
Been a long time, right? I bet you’re as surprised to hear from me and I am to (hypothetically) be writing you this letter. You’ve actually been in my thoughts quite a bit lately, for reasons that are most likely obvious. Please know that, for all the pain you caused and the anger I’ve held on to towards you, I would never wish for your family to be going through what it is going through at this moment. If I felt capable of prayer I’d pray for you. Instead I just think tons of positive thoughts and send lots of love and mental hugs your way. I think maybe this situation has helped me realize that anger over the past is pointless. The love I once felt for your family is as real now as it ever was. I guess this is what they mean by real forgiveness. I haven’t forgotten, will probably never forget, but I’ve forgiven you and it really and truly no longer matters.
I guess the reason I held on to my anger for so long was that you were one of the first people I ever truly tried to be myself around. Not all the time, mind, but occasionally. I’d let my carefully constructed walls down and let you in. I thought you loved me unconditionally. But the truth is you only loved me so long as I was the perfect kid. You wanted me to be a little mini-you, a leader, and an example for the others. But I couldn’t be that. The stress of it was literally killing me. And after you knew that, that I wasn’t perfect, that I was ill, all I ever felt was disappointment from you. Like I’d let you down? You let ME down.
But, as they say, time heals everything. I’ll never forget the moment when I realized that I was older than you had been when we met. I couldn’t even fathom taking on the responsibilities that you had! To me. To all of us. When I reached that age I thought I’d have everything figured out. That life would make sense and I’d have direction and I’d be on my way to some place… greater. But actually I was just as confused as I ever was, struggling to make ends meet and find direction, find purpose for my life. But you already had a purpose for your life at that age. I am almost jealous that you knew from such a young age what you wanted in life. That you knew how you were meant to change the world. But I imagine that drive came with its own stress. And, with something very like poetic justice, I forgave you for not being perfect. Just how I wished you could have forgiven me all those years ago.
Now I only focus on the fond memories. The camping trips, the love of backpacking, my passion for cooking and feeding people, my love of music (and a penchant for the classics)… I owe all of those things to you and your family. You let me down. But I’m brave enough to admit that I let you down too. And both of us were too young to address it properly at the time. But I love you, and I wish you nothing but the best.
Sincerely,
Me
*****
Day 01 → Something you hate about yourself. - done
Day 02 → Something you love about yourself. - done
Day 03 → Something you have to forgive yourself for. - done
Day 04 → Something you have to forgive someone for. - done
Day 05 → Something you hope to do in your life. - done
Day 06 → Something you hope you never have to do. - done
Day 07 → Someone who has made your life worth living for. - done
Day 08 → Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit. - done
Day 09 → Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted. - done
Day 10 → Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know. - done
Day 11 → Something people seem to compliment you the most on. - done
Day 12 → Something you never get compliments on. - done
Day 13 → A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.) - done
Day 14 → A hero that has let you down. (letter) - done
Day 15 → Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
Day 16 → Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17 → A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18 → Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19 → What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20 → Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21 → (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22 → Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23 → Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24 → Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)
Day 25 → The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26 → Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27 → What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28 → What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29 → Something you hope to change about yourself. And why?
Day 30 → A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself
Dear You,
Been a long time, right? I bet you’re as surprised to hear from me and I am to (hypothetically) be writing you this letter. You’ve actually been in my thoughts quite a bit lately, for reasons that are most likely obvious. Please know that, for all the pain you caused and the anger I’ve held on to towards you, I would never wish for your family to be going through what it is going through at this moment. If I felt capable of prayer I’d pray for you. Instead I just think tons of positive thoughts and send lots of love and mental hugs your way. I think maybe this situation has helped me realize that anger over the past is pointless. The love I once felt for your family is as real now as it ever was. I guess this is what they mean by real forgiveness. I haven’t forgotten, will probably never forget, but I’ve forgiven you and it really and truly no longer matters.
I guess the reason I held on to my anger for so long was that you were one of the first people I ever truly tried to be myself around. Not all the time, mind, but occasionally. I’d let my carefully constructed walls down and let you in. I thought you loved me unconditionally. But the truth is you only loved me so long as I was the perfect kid. You wanted me to be a little mini-you, a leader, and an example for the others. But I couldn’t be that. The stress of it was literally killing me. And after you knew that, that I wasn’t perfect, that I was ill, all I ever felt was disappointment from you. Like I’d let you down? You let ME down.
But, as they say, time heals everything. I’ll never forget the moment when I realized that I was older than you had been when we met. I couldn’t even fathom taking on the responsibilities that you had! To me. To all of us. When I reached that age I thought I’d have everything figured out. That life would make sense and I’d have direction and I’d be on my way to some place… greater. But actually I was just as confused as I ever was, struggling to make ends meet and find direction, find purpose for my life. But you already had a purpose for your life at that age. I am almost jealous that you knew from such a young age what you wanted in life. That you knew how you were meant to change the world. But I imagine that drive came with its own stress. And, with something very like poetic justice, I forgave you for not being perfect. Just how I wished you could have forgiven me all those years ago.
Now I only focus on the fond memories. The camping trips, the love of backpacking, my passion for cooking and feeding people, my love of music (and a penchant for the classics)… I owe all of those things to you and your family. You let me down. But I’m brave enough to admit that I let you down too. And both of us were too young to address it properly at the time. But I love you, and I wish you nothing but the best.
Sincerely,
Me
*****
Day 01 → Something you hate about yourself. - done
Day 02 → Something you love about yourself. - done
Day 03 → Something you have to forgive yourself for. - done
Day 04 → Something you have to forgive someone for. - done
Day 05 → Something you hope to do in your life. - done
Day 06 → Something you hope you never have to do. - done
Day 07 → Someone who has made your life worth living for. - done
Day 08 → Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit. - done
Day 09 → Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted. - done
Day 10 → Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know. - done
Day 11 → Something people seem to compliment you the most on. - done
Day 12 → Something you never get compliments on. - done
Day 13 → A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.) - done
Day 14 → A hero that has let you down. (letter) - done
Day 15 → Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
Day 16 → Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17 → A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18 → Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19 → What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20 → Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21 → (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22 → Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23 → Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24 → Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)
Day 25 → The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26 → Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27 → What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28 → What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29 → Something you hope to change about yourself. And why?
Day 30 → A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself
Thursday, August 09, 2012
Coffee Date (with wine)
You guys! About 4 seconds after I hit publish on last week's coffee date post I realized... I don't meet up with my IRL friends for coffee! I meet them for wine! Or vodka! I mean really. I'm a 30-something woman with no kids... Its time to embrace my inner drunk.
So.
If we were having drinks I'd tell you about how I think I am going to lose my mind if I don't get over this latest bout of insomnia, and fast. I might tell you about how I did something a couple weekends back that I really regret and therefore can't seem to stop thinking about and obsessing over and how its keeping me awake at night. I'd probably tell you that I'm just unhappy right now and I can't figure out how to change it and so that's keeping me up at night. I would joke about how I've read several really good books since I've been keeping myself up at night. I seriously love my kindle. It is insomnia's best friend.
If we were having drinks I'd tell you about how excited I am to be going up to my sister-in-law's houseboat this weekend at Lake Shasta. Its supposed to be roughly one million degrees so I don't really picture myself doing anything other than sitting on a raft in the water and applying massive amounts of sunscreen. Which sounds like the perfect weekend really. I'd probably also explain how we're getting TheHusband some new wheels and tires for his truck while we're up there. I'm looking forward to seeing our friends while that all happens, which is to say, drinking cold beers in the shade with the wife while our husbands slave away jacking up trucks and generally getting sweaty in the heat.
If we were having drinks I'd tell you how I've discovered that having an active social life is directly counter-productive to weight loss/exercise. I've been SUPER good about the eating better but... I've been terrible at the no drinking Monday through Thursday and the keeping up with regular work outs. This week alone I've missed two sessions with the trainer due to lack of sleep - Monday was plain old insomnia but this morning it was due to staying out way the hell too late celebrating a friend/co-worker's birthday last night (read: drinking). I also haven't run at all since last Friday. So while I've had a super fun week (wine tasting, lunch with friends, birthday happy hours) I now feel guilty about the slacking. I'm hoping to get in a few miles tomorrow (another happy hour event with friends tonight) since I'm thinking lake lounging doesn't burn too many calories. And this is why I'm a fat ass.
If we were having drinks I'd tell you about how I've started getting the organic produce box again once a week and LOVE! IT! I used to get it years ago but stopped because we were trying to save money and it was hard to keep up with the amount of food we got without anything spoiling. I decided to start it again because I really want us to spend more time eating at home because its healthier AND cheaper. This week will be my 3rd box (it comes today - yay!) and I can't imagine how I lived without it! Meals at our house are way more creative and much healthier than they have been in recent months. Plus we've saved a ton of money in eating out over the last couple of weeks which is a massive plus in my book.
If we were having drinks I'd probably bore you to tears talking about how thrilled I am that pre-season NFL football begins this weekend. You know I'll be listening to my 49ers take on the Vikings tomorrow night as we drive up north. I am SO. FREAKING. EXCITED! Its a good thing this is just a pre-season game because otherwise we'd have to leave after the game ended (because I insist on watching all the regular season games) and I hate driving in the middle of the night. Sundays are not to be messed with in the Mooney household.
Cheers!
So.
If we were having drinks I'd tell you about how I think I am going to lose my mind if I don't get over this latest bout of insomnia, and fast. I might tell you about how I did something a couple weekends back that I really regret and therefore can't seem to stop thinking about and obsessing over and how its keeping me awake at night. I'd probably tell you that I'm just unhappy right now and I can't figure out how to change it and so that's keeping me up at night. I would joke about how I've read several really good books since I've been keeping myself up at night. I seriously love my kindle. It is insomnia's best friend.
If we were having drinks I'd tell you about how excited I am to be going up to my sister-in-law's houseboat this weekend at Lake Shasta. Its supposed to be roughly one million degrees so I don't really picture myself doing anything other than sitting on a raft in the water and applying massive amounts of sunscreen. Which sounds like the perfect weekend really. I'd probably also explain how we're getting TheHusband some new wheels and tires for his truck while we're up there. I'm looking forward to seeing our friends while that all happens, which is to say, drinking cold beers in the shade with the wife while our husbands slave away jacking up trucks and generally getting sweaty in the heat.
If we were having drinks I'd tell you how I've discovered that having an active social life is directly counter-productive to weight loss/exercise. I've been SUPER good about the eating better but... I've been terrible at the no drinking Monday through Thursday and the keeping up with regular work outs. This week alone I've missed two sessions with the trainer due to lack of sleep - Monday was plain old insomnia but this morning it was due to staying out way the hell too late celebrating a friend/co-worker's birthday last night (read: drinking). I also haven't run at all since last Friday. So while I've had a super fun week (wine tasting, lunch with friends, birthday happy hours) I now feel guilty about the slacking. I'm hoping to get in a few miles tomorrow (another happy hour event with friends tonight) since I'm thinking lake lounging doesn't burn too many calories. And this is why I'm a fat ass.
If we were having drinks I'd tell you about how I've started getting the organic produce box again once a week and LOVE! IT! I used to get it years ago but stopped because we were trying to save money and it was hard to keep up with the amount of food we got without anything spoiling. I decided to start it again because I really want us to spend more time eating at home because its healthier AND cheaper. This week will be my 3rd box (it comes today - yay!) and I can't imagine how I lived without it! Meals at our house are way more creative and much healthier than they have been in recent months. Plus we've saved a ton of money in eating out over the last couple of weeks which is a massive plus in my book.
If we were having drinks I'd probably bore you to tears talking about how thrilled I am that pre-season NFL football begins this weekend. You know I'll be listening to my 49ers take on the Vikings tomorrow night as we drive up north. I am SO. FREAKING. EXCITED! Its a good thing this is just a pre-season game because otherwise we'd have to leave after the game ended (because I insist on watching all the regular season games) and I hate driving in the middle of the night. Sundays are not to be messed with in the Mooney household.
Cheers!
Wednesday, August 08, 2012
If I were...
If I were a month, I'd be April. Its my birthday month and also the first full month of spring which usually means I've survived another winter and lived to tell about it. I HATE winter. Once the holidays are over I don't see any reason we can't just fast forward right through January and February... I also totally believe in that seasonal depression stuff. This girl needs daylight!
If I were a day of the week, I'd be Sunday. Sunday Funday right? Also, football.
If I were a time of day, I'd be sometime in the morning... I'm totally one of those annoying people that is super productive early in the day. I love seeing the sky change colors from night to morning. I love feeling like I've accomplished a ton of stuff before breakfast. I love breakfast!
If I were a planet, I’d be Pluto! You'll always be a planet to me Pluto... Poor, misunderstood Pluto.
If I were an animal, I'd be a dog maybe... I love how excited they get over everything. Also, sleeping in the sun? Definitely one of my top 10 activities!
If I were a direction, I'd be west. Follow the sun baby.
If I were a piece of furniture, I'd be an old fashioned secretary desk. Lady-like and organized. You know, just like me in real life... ha!
If I were a liquid, I'd be wine. Because life is too short to not drink wine.
If I were a gemstone, I'd be an opal? Are opals gemstones? I love them, all liquid fire and ice and seeming to change every time you look at them. Or maybe a diamond - but only if I could be conflict free. It would be nice to be that strong.
If I were a tree, I'd be a magnolia. Tall with shiny green leaves and giant, sweet-smelling flowers, providing shade on a hot, humid summer day.
If I were a tool, I'd be a swiss-army knife. Or maybe a leatherman. Multi-faceted and useful in a variety of situations.
If I were a flower, I’d be forget-me-nots. For obvious reasons.
If I were a kind of weather, I'd be bright and beautiful sunshine!
If I were a musical instrument, I'd be a guitar. Preferably one being passed around a campfire amongst a group of friends. Or sitting on a front porch strumming out a love song.
If I were a color, I'd be orange. Bright, warm and somewhat obnoxious.
If I were an emotion, I'd be love. Because there can never be enough love.
If I were a fruit, I'd be blackberries from my grandma's front yard, warm from the sun. That perfect blend between tart and sweet. We used to pick them when we were kids, my cousins and me. One for the bucket and one for the mouth, until we were sick. And then... cobbler!
If I were a sound, I'd be laughter.
If I were an element, I'd be livermorium. Right? How many people's hometown's have their own element? Pretty darn cool.
If I were a car, I’d be a mid-1950's Chevy Bel Air. Convertible. Teal and white. All white leather interior. Yeah baby.
If I were a food, I'd be something spicy! I swear I was Mexican in another life. Everything is better with salsa right?
If I were a place, I'd be the beach. Blue sky, warm salty water, white sand... Bonus points for a cabana boy in red bikini pants bringing cocktails with little umbrellas. Or in a coconut.
If I were a material, I'd be corduroy - I love that "swish, swish" sound corduroy pants make when you walk. Plus its durable... I like stuff that's sturdy.
If I were a taste, I’d be spicy! Feelin' hot, Hot, HOT!
If I were a scent, I'd be that fresh smell right before it starts raining, or the smell of wood smoke from a fire place, or the smell of garlic and onions sauteing on the stove... I could go on with this one for ever! Apparently I like smells.
If I were a body part, I'd be the brain. Because I like to constantly be learning new things and having new experiences. Making new memories. Truth - I'm more terrified of getting Alzheimer's or some other form of dementia where I lose my memory/mind than I am of any other part of aging.
If I were a facial expression, I'd be a smile. Because as Cat Deeley so wonderfully put it, "as long as you smile, have sparkly eyes and stick your shoulders back, nobody's going to notice your bum or your waist or your feet, for that matter."
If I were a pair of shoes, I’d be sky high stilettos. Since I'm not even 5'2" a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do. Plus, how sexy are high heels? Am I right ladies? I just FEEL sexy in them. And they always fit... Unlike my pants.
If I were a day of the week, I'd be Sunday. Sunday Funday right? Also, football.
If I were a time of day, I'd be sometime in the morning... I'm totally one of those annoying people that is super productive early in the day. I love seeing the sky change colors from night to morning. I love feeling like I've accomplished a ton of stuff before breakfast. I love breakfast!
If I were a planet, I’d be Pluto! You'll always be a planet to me Pluto... Poor, misunderstood Pluto.
If I were an animal, I'd be a dog maybe... I love how excited they get over everything. Also, sleeping in the sun? Definitely one of my top 10 activities!
If I were a direction, I'd be west. Follow the sun baby.
If I were a piece of furniture, I'd be an old fashioned secretary desk. Lady-like and organized. You know, just like me in real life... ha!
If I were a liquid, I'd be wine. Because life is too short to not drink wine.
If I were a gemstone, I'd be an opal? Are opals gemstones? I love them, all liquid fire and ice and seeming to change every time you look at them. Or maybe a diamond - but only if I could be conflict free. It would be nice to be that strong.
If I were a tree, I'd be a magnolia. Tall with shiny green leaves and giant, sweet-smelling flowers, providing shade on a hot, humid summer day.
If I were a tool, I'd be a swiss-army knife. Or maybe a leatherman. Multi-faceted and useful in a variety of situations.
If I were a flower, I’d be forget-me-nots. For obvious reasons.
If I were a kind of weather, I'd be bright and beautiful sunshine!
If I were a musical instrument, I'd be a guitar. Preferably one being passed around a campfire amongst a group of friends. Or sitting on a front porch strumming out a love song.
If I were a color, I'd be orange. Bright, warm and somewhat obnoxious.
If I were an emotion, I'd be love. Because there can never be enough love.
If I were a fruit, I'd be blackberries from my grandma's front yard, warm from the sun. That perfect blend between tart and sweet. We used to pick them when we were kids, my cousins and me. One for the bucket and one for the mouth, until we were sick. And then... cobbler!
If I were a sound, I'd be laughter.
If I were an element, I'd be livermorium. Right? How many people's hometown's have their own element? Pretty darn cool.
If I were a car, I’d be a mid-1950's Chevy Bel Air. Convertible. Teal and white. All white leather interior. Yeah baby.
If I were a food, I'd be something spicy! I swear I was Mexican in another life. Everything is better with salsa right?
If I were a place, I'd be the beach. Blue sky, warm salty water, white sand... Bonus points for a cabana boy in red bikini pants bringing cocktails with little umbrellas. Or in a coconut.
If I were a material, I'd be corduroy - I love that "swish, swish" sound corduroy pants make when you walk. Plus its durable... I like stuff that's sturdy.
If I were a taste, I’d be spicy! Feelin' hot, Hot, HOT!
If I were a scent, I'd be that fresh smell right before it starts raining, or the smell of wood smoke from a fire place, or the smell of garlic and onions sauteing on the stove... I could go on with this one for ever! Apparently I like smells.
If I were a body part, I'd be the brain. Because I like to constantly be learning new things and having new experiences. Making new memories. Truth - I'm more terrified of getting Alzheimer's or some other form of dementia where I lose my memory/mind than I am of any other part of aging.
If I were a facial expression, I'd be a smile. Because as Cat Deeley so wonderfully put it, "as long as you smile, have sparkly eyes and stick your shoulders back, nobody's going to notice your bum or your waist or your feet, for that matter."
If I were a pair of shoes, I’d be sky high stilettos. Since I'm not even 5'2" a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do. Plus, how sexy are high heels? Am I right ladies? I just FEEL sexy in them. And they always fit... Unlike my pants.
Monday, August 06, 2012
30 Days of Truth - Day 13
Thought I'd pick this thing up where I left off and then promptly remembered why I'd stopped where I did. Good lord some of this truth stuff is hard!
Day 13 → A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)
Dear Alecia,
I know, I know, I’m taking a huge liberty in calling you by your given name but, while pink IS my signature color, I have this sneaking suspicion that your BFFs don’t call you by your stage name and since I seriously think we could be BFFs… Anyway, I hope you don’t mind! Because seriously, if your lyrics are as personal to you as they have been to ME, we are living the same life. We’re even of similar age (I’m slightly older but I’d deny that in public).
LA told me, "You'll be a pop star, all you have to change is everything you are."
*Don’t Let Me Get Me, Missundaztood 2001
Oh man did I feel this lyric… I spent most of my teenage years trying (and failing miserably) to be someone I wasn’t, to fit in to the mold of who I thought people wanted me to be. Turns out I was just making people upset because I wasn’t what they wanted and making myself miserable because I was trying to be something I’m just… not. I used to blare this song, driving around with the top down in my car and think, “f@$% that! Everything I am is perfect!”
Run just as fast as I can, To the middle of nowhere, To the middle of my frustrated fears, And I swear you're just like a pill, 'Stead of makin' me better, you keep makin' me ill, You keep makin' me ill
*Just Like a Pill, Missundaztood 2001
This song made me realize just how toxic my relationship was with my ex. You know how, after you’ve spent so much time with someone, and at such a young age, you start to literally think you can’t go on without them in your life? No matter how toxic and belittling they are to you? Yeah. Me too. Thanks for making me realize that those types of relationships are just about as good for me as a drug addiction. This song was Step 1 in my 12 step program to get out of that for good.
If someone said three years from now, You'd be long gone, I'd stand up and punch them out, Cause they're all wrong
*Who Knew, I’m Not Dead 2006
This song hit the airwaves right as my long-term relationship with a live-in-boyfriend was crumbling around me. It was so lonely there in that place… Where everyone looks at your relationship and thinks it’s so perfect, when YOU thought it was so perfect. Sometimes perceptions are deceiving. After thinking something was going to last forever, the thought that it might not was a heavy burden to bear alone. Who knew?
I guess I just lost my husband, I don’t know where he went, So I’m going to drink my money, I’m not going to pay his rent… I’m alright, I’m just fine, And you’re a tool, So, so what, I am a rock star, I got my rock moves, and I don’t need you tonight
*So What, Funhouse 2008
Long-term relationship turned marriage. God I felt for you when I heard you and Carey had separated. Every emotion that came out of this song echoed SO close to home for me. I used to just sit in my car and listen to this whole album on repeat, over and over. When I heard you guys got back together and we’re making a go of it I started to have hope that my husband and I could make a clean start and move on also. If someone else can come back from something like that surely so can I right?
I don’t wanna be the girl that laughs the loudest, Or the girl who never wants to be alone, I don’t wanna be the girl that has to fill the silence, The quiet scares me cause it screams the truth, When its good then its good, its so good til it goes bad, til you’re trying to find the you that you once had
*Sober, Funhouse 2008
I can be so mean when I wanna be, I am capable of really anything, I can cut you in to pieces, But my heart is broken, How did I become so obnoxious? What is it with you that makes me act like this? I’ve never been this nasty
*Please Don’t Leave Me, Funhouse 2008
Did you intentionally name this album Funhouse because it dealt with so many un-fun topics? I’ve always wondered since I myself am so fond of the sarcasm. Also, I sort of wondered if you had been spying on me for these songs. Did you know that they, word for word, emotion for emotion, describe me? Just for the record, this is the only time I have ever admitted any of these things out loud. I hadn’t even admitted them to myself and then (holy hell woman) there you were just standing on stage at the AMA’s singing Sober, ripping my heart out.
I guess I just wanted to say thanks. Thanks for all the snarky, hilarious songs that make me want to sing along and act like a crazy person in my car. Thanks for all the soul-bearing lyrics that truly touched me. Thanks for… making me feel like I’m not the only too-loud, non-people pleasing but perfectly normal person out there. Thanks for making me feel like a rock star.
Sincerely (really),
Tiffany
*****
Day 01 → Something you hate about yourself. - done
Day 02 → Something you love about yourself. - done
Day 03 → Something you have to forgive yourself for. - done
Day 04 → Something you have to forgive someone for. - done
Day 05 → Something you hope to do in your life. - done
Day 06 → Something you hope you never have to do. - done
Day 07 → Someone who has made your life worth living for. - done
Day 08 → Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit. - done
Day 09 → Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted. - done
Day 10 → Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know. - done
Day 11 → Something people seem to compliment you the most on. - done
Day 12 → Something you never get compliments on. - done
Day 13 → A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.) - done
Day 14 → A hero that has let you down. (letter)
Day 15 → Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
Day 16 → Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17 → A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18 → Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19 → What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20 → Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21 → (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22 → Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23 → Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24 → Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)
Day 25 → The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26 → Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27 → What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28 → What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29 → Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30 → A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself
Day 13 → A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)
Dear Alecia,
I know, I know, I’m taking a huge liberty in calling you by your given name but, while pink IS my signature color, I have this sneaking suspicion that your BFFs don’t call you by your stage name and since I seriously think we could be BFFs… Anyway, I hope you don’t mind! Because seriously, if your lyrics are as personal to you as they have been to ME, we are living the same life. We’re even of similar age (I’m slightly older but I’d deny that in public).
LA told me, "You'll be a pop star, all you have to change is everything you are."
*Don’t Let Me Get Me, Missundaztood 2001
Oh man did I feel this lyric… I spent most of my teenage years trying (and failing miserably) to be someone I wasn’t, to fit in to the mold of who I thought people wanted me to be. Turns out I was just making people upset because I wasn’t what they wanted and making myself miserable because I was trying to be something I’m just… not. I used to blare this song, driving around with the top down in my car and think, “f@$% that! Everything I am is perfect!”
Run just as fast as I can, To the middle of nowhere, To the middle of my frustrated fears, And I swear you're just like a pill, 'Stead of makin' me better, you keep makin' me ill, You keep makin' me ill
*Just Like a Pill, Missundaztood 2001
This song made me realize just how toxic my relationship was with my ex. You know how, after you’ve spent so much time with someone, and at such a young age, you start to literally think you can’t go on without them in your life? No matter how toxic and belittling they are to you? Yeah. Me too. Thanks for making me realize that those types of relationships are just about as good for me as a drug addiction. This song was Step 1 in my 12 step program to get out of that for good.
If someone said three years from now, You'd be long gone, I'd stand up and punch them out, Cause they're all wrong
*Who Knew, I’m Not Dead 2006
This song hit the airwaves right as my long-term relationship with a live-in-boyfriend was crumbling around me. It was so lonely there in that place… Where everyone looks at your relationship and thinks it’s so perfect, when YOU thought it was so perfect. Sometimes perceptions are deceiving. After thinking something was going to last forever, the thought that it might not was a heavy burden to bear alone. Who knew?
I guess I just lost my husband, I don’t know where he went, So I’m going to drink my money, I’m not going to pay his rent… I’m alright, I’m just fine, And you’re a tool, So, so what, I am a rock star, I got my rock moves, and I don’t need you tonight
*So What, Funhouse 2008
Long-term relationship turned marriage. God I felt for you when I heard you and Carey had separated. Every emotion that came out of this song echoed SO close to home for me. I used to just sit in my car and listen to this whole album on repeat, over and over. When I heard you guys got back together and we’re making a go of it I started to have hope that my husband and I could make a clean start and move on also. If someone else can come back from something like that surely so can I right?
I don’t wanna be the girl that laughs the loudest, Or the girl who never wants to be alone, I don’t wanna be the girl that has to fill the silence, The quiet scares me cause it screams the truth, When its good then its good, its so good til it goes bad, til you’re trying to find the you that you once had
*Sober, Funhouse 2008
I can be so mean when I wanna be, I am capable of really anything, I can cut you in to pieces, But my heart is broken, How did I become so obnoxious? What is it with you that makes me act like this? I’ve never been this nasty
*Please Don’t Leave Me, Funhouse 2008
Did you intentionally name this album Funhouse because it dealt with so many un-fun topics? I’ve always wondered since I myself am so fond of the sarcasm. Also, I sort of wondered if you had been spying on me for these songs. Did you know that they, word for word, emotion for emotion, describe me? Just for the record, this is the only time I have ever admitted any of these things out loud. I hadn’t even admitted them to myself and then (holy hell woman) there you were just standing on stage at the AMA’s singing Sober, ripping my heart out.
I guess I just wanted to say thanks. Thanks for all the snarky, hilarious songs that make me want to sing along and act like a crazy person in my car. Thanks for all the soul-bearing lyrics that truly touched me. Thanks for… making me feel like I’m not the only too-loud, non-people pleasing but perfectly normal person out there. Thanks for making me feel like a rock star.
Sincerely (really),
Tiffany
*****
Day 01 → Something you hate about yourself. - done
Day 02 → Something you love about yourself. - done
Day 03 → Something you have to forgive yourself for. - done
Day 04 → Something you have to forgive someone for. - done
Day 05 → Something you hope to do in your life. - done
Day 06 → Something you hope you never have to do. - done
Day 07 → Someone who has made your life worth living for. - done
Day 08 → Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit. - done
Day 09 → Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted. - done
Day 10 → Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know. - done
Day 11 → Something people seem to compliment you the most on. - done
Day 12 → Something you never get compliments on. - done
Day 13 → A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.) - done
Day 14 → A hero that has let you down. (letter)
Day 15 → Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
Day 16 → Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17 → A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18 → Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19 → What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20 → Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21 → (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22 → Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23 → Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24 → Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)
Day 25 → The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26 → Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27 → What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28 → What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29 → Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30 → A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself
Thursday, August 02, 2012
Coffee Date
Even though I have sorely neglected my own piece of the internets here, I have been keeping up with other people's blogs (and even have found a few new ones). I guess I'm a better blog follower than blogger? I just love reading people's stories and ideas. Anyway, I can't find the origin of this particular thing but I noticed a few bloggers out there do this "coffee date" blog post every week... The idea is to be able to get out lots of little things you would say to a friend over coffee but without the formality of a well thought out post. Sounds like its right up my alley!
So...
If we were out having coffee I'd tell you all about this new program I've been accepted into at the local community college. Its an Enology and Viticulture program, which basically is fancy-pants lingo for the study of wine, wine making and so on. I might bitch a little about how I have applied for this program THREE seperate times and every time I get accepted they set my registration date so flippin late that by the time I go in not only are ALL the classes full but all the wait lists are full also. But then I'd be excited because I'm numbers 5 & 6 respectively on the wait lists for the two classes I'm trying to get in to and according to a couple friends who are in the program currently, the professors always let the wait listed folks in if they show up on the first day of class. I might also mention that I'm just that tad bit nervous about going back to school... Am I too old for this?
If we were having coffee I'd tell you about the job I *almost* got that I thought I really wanted but then decided I really didn't... Its funny how people's priorities change over time right? And how sometimes you don't even realize your priorities have changed until something smacks you upside the head to make you notice? Five years ago this would have been my absolute dream job... Today? Not so much it seems.
If we were having coffee I'd tell you that I finally (!) wore high heels to work this week for the first time since spectacularly spraining my ankle in Mexico 9 weeks ago. It was only one day but hey, baby steps right? I'd probably brag about my 4-6 mile run/walks that I'd been adding to my training regime now that my ankle doesn't swell up painfully every night, in the hopes of shedding some of this extra "padding" on my belly. I might also spend some time day dreaming about Mexico... Though in my day dreams I wouldn't look pregnant. Or like Shamu in a two-piece.
If we were having coffee I'd tell you about that time I decided that maybe, just maybe, I should go buy myself a pair of pants in the next bigger size, just to tide me over with something comfortable to wear while I'm in the midst of yet another great weight loss fight. I may or may not mention that I actually ended up buying myself 3 pairs of pants (on sale though) that were 2 or 3 sizes bigger than anything else in my closet. No wonder I feel like such a fat ass getting ready for work in the mornings! Actually, on second thought, I probably would not share this story about the never-to-be-discussed larger size pants if we were at coffee... No one likes to see a grown woman cry into her Americano.
If we were having coffee I'd want to hear all about what YOU'VE been up to!
So...
If we were out having coffee I'd tell you all about this new program I've been accepted into at the local community college. Its an Enology and Viticulture program, which basically is fancy-pants lingo for the study of wine, wine making and so on. I might bitch a little about how I have applied for this program THREE seperate times and every time I get accepted they set my registration date so flippin late that by the time I go in not only are ALL the classes full but all the wait lists are full also. But then I'd be excited because I'm numbers 5 & 6 respectively on the wait lists for the two classes I'm trying to get in to and according to a couple friends who are in the program currently, the professors always let the wait listed folks in if they show up on the first day of class. I might also mention that I'm just that tad bit nervous about going back to school... Am I too old for this?
If we were having coffee I'd tell you about the job I *almost* got that I thought I really wanted but then decided I really didn't... Its funny how people's priorities change over time right? And how sometimes you don't even realize your priorities have changed until something smacks you upside the head to make you notice? Five years ago this would have been my absolute dream job... Today? Not so much it seems.
If we were having coffee I'd tell you that I finally (!) wore high heels to work this week for the first time since spectacularly spraining my ankle in Mexico 9 weeks ago. It was only one day but hey, baby steps right? I'd probably brag about my 4-6 mile run/walks that I'd been adding to my training regime now that my ankle doesn't swell up painfully every night, in the hopes of shedding some of this extra "padding" on my belly. I might also spend some time day dreaming about Mexico... Though in my day dreams I wouldn't look pregnant. Or like Shamu in a two-piece.
If we were having coffee I'd tell you about that time I decided that maybe, just maybe, I should go buy myself a pair of pants in the next bigger size, just to tide me over with something comfortable to wear while I'm in the midst of yet another great weight loss fight. I may or may not mention that I actually ended up buying myself 3 pairs of pants (on sale though) that were 2 or 3 sizes bigger than anything else in my closet. No wonder I feel like such a fat ass getting ready for work in the mornings! Actually, on second thought, I probably would not share this story about the never-to-be-discussed larger size pants if we were at coffee... No one likes to see a grown woman cry into her Americano.
If we were having coffee I'd want to hear all about what YOU'VE been up to!
Wednesday, August 01, 2012
Wow. I hardly recognize it here!
So you take a year (!) off from blogging and everything changes? I hardly recognize my own blog! What is this new Blogger Dashboard? Things look so... different? I'll be honest - I almost just stopped right here when I saw this new unfamiliar lay out but then I thought... This is my own damn fault. I've been away too long. I have really missed this little space of my own on the interwebs.
But I'm back - I promise. I have loads of exciting things to share. Lots of big changes going on in the land of Tiffy. Good changes. Bad changes. Scary as f&@k changes. But at least things are finally moving... And moving forward is better than standing still any day.
Right?
But I'm back - I promise. I have loads of exciting things to share. Lots of big changes going on in the land of Tiffy. Good changes. Bad changes. Scary as f&@k changes. But at least things are finally moving... And moving forward is better than standing still any day.
Right?
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