Monday, August 06, 2012

30 Days of Truth - Day 13

Thought I'd pick this thing up where I left off and then promptly remembered why I'd stopped where I did.  Good lord some of this truth stuff is hard!

Day 13 → A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)

Dear Alecia,

I know, I know, I’m taking a huge liberty in calling you by your given name but, while pink IS my signature color, I have this sneaking suspicion that your BFFs don’t call you by your stage name and since I seriously think we could be BFFs… Anyway, I hope you don’t mind! Because seriously, if your lyrics are as personal to you as they have been to ME, we are living the same life. We’re even of similar age (I’m slightly older but I’d deny that in public).

LA told me, "You'll be a pop star, all you have to change is everything you are."
*Don’t Let Me Get Me, Missundaztood 2001

Oh man did I feel this lyric… I spent most of my teenage years trying (and failing miserably) to be someone I wasn’t, to fit in to the mold of who I thought people wanted me to be. Turns out I was just making people upset because I wasn’t what they wanted and making myself miserable because I was trying to be something I’m just… not. I used to blare this song, driving around with the top down in my car and think, “f@$% that! Everything I am is perfect!”

Run just as fast as I can, To the middle of nowhere, To the middle of my frustrated fears, And I swear you're just like a pill, 'Stead of makin' me better, you keep makin' me ill, You keep makin' me ill
*Just Like a Pill, Missundaztood 2001

This song made me realize just how toxic my relationship was with my ex. You know how, after you’ve spent so much time with someone, and at such a young age, you start to literally think you can’t go on without them in your life? No matter how toxic and belittling they are to you? Yeah. Me too. Thanks for making me realize that those types of relationships are just about as good for me as a drug addiction. This song was Step 1 in my 12 step program to get out of that for good.

If someone said three years from now, You'd be long gone, I'd stand up and punch them out, Cause they're all wrong
*Who Knew, I’m Not Dead 2006

This song hit the airwaves right as my long-term relationship with a live-in-boyfriend was crumbling around me. It was so lonely there in that place… Where everyone looks at your relationship and thinks it’s so perfect, when YOU thought it was so perfect. Sometimes perceptions are deceiving. After thinking something was going to last forever, the thought that it might not was a heavy burden to bear alone. Who knew?

I guess I just lost my husband, I don’t know where he went, So I’m going to drink my money, I’m not going to pay his rent… I’m alright, I’m just fine, And you’re a tool, So, so what, I am a rock star, I got my rock moves, and I don’t need you tonight
*So What, Funhouse 2008

Long-term relationship turned marriage. God I felt for you when I heard you and Carey had separated. Every emotion that came out of this song echoed SO close to home for me. I used to just sit in my car and listen to this whole album on repeat, over and over. When I heard you guys got back together and we’re making a go of it I started to have hope that my husband and I could make a clean start and move on also. If someone else can come back from something like that surely so can I right?

I don’t wanna be the girl that laughs the loudest, Or the girl who never wants to be alone, I don’t wanna be the girl that has to fill the silence, The quiet scares me cause it screams the truth, When its good then its good, its so good til it goes bad, til you’re trying to find the you that you once had
*Sober, Funhouse 2008

I can be so mean when I wanna be, I am capable of really anything, I can cut you in to pieces, But my heart is broken, How did I become so obnoxious? What is it with you that makes me act like this? I’ve never been this nasty
*Please Don’t Leave Me, Funhouse 2008

Did you intentionally name this album Funhouse because it dealt with so many un-fun topics? I’ve always wondered since I myself am so fond of the sarcasm. Also, I sort of wondered if you had been spying on me for these songs. Did you know that they, word for word, emotion for emotion, describe me? Just for the record, this is the only time I have ever admitted any of these things out loud. I hadn’t even admitted them to myself and then (holy hell woman) there you were just standing on stage at the AMA’s singing Sober, ripping my heart out.

I guess I just wanted to say thanks. Thanks for all the snarky, hilarious songs that make me want to sing along and act like a crazy person in my car. Thanks for all the soul-bearing lyrics that truly touched me. Thanks for… making me feel like I’m not the only too-loud, non-people pleasing but perfectly normal person out there. Thanks for making me feel like a rock star.

Sincerely (really),



Day 01 → Something you hate about yourself. - done
Day 02 → Something you love about yourself. - done
Day 03 → Something you have to forgive yourself for. - done
Day 04 → Something you have to forgive someone for. - done
Day 05 → Something you hope to do in your life. - done
Day 06 → Something you hope you never have to do. - done
Day 07 → Someone who has made your life worth living for. - done
Day 08 → Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit. - done
Day 09 → Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted. - done
Day 10 → Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know. - done
Day 11 → Something people seem to compliment you the most on. - done
Day 12 → Something you never get compliments on. - done
Day 13 → A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.) - done
Day 14 → A hero that has let you down. (letter)
Day 15 → Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
Day 16 → Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17 → A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18 → Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19 → What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20 → Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21 → (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22 → Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23 → Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24 → Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)
Day 25 → The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26 → Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27 → What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28 → What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29 → Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30 → A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself


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