Thoughtful

Stolen from Trouble.

I AM a contradiction. I am independent yet needy, strong yet fragile, courageous yet shy.

I WANT someone to understand me, a little piece of the world to call my own, a fulfilling life, to be proud of myself and what I’ve accomplished, for others to be proud to know me.

I HATE apathy, loud mouthed ignorance and being taken for granted.

I MISS having the entire summer off, not worrying about money, or my weight (though I honestly can’t remember a time I didn’t – I’m sure there was one), slower moving Southern lifestyles, and going to church on Sundays.

I FEAR being forgotten, being irrelevant, making a mistake, wasting time.

I HEAR cars, fingers on keyboards, inane conversations, my boss.

I WONDER if I’m in the right place in my life, if I’m making the right choices, if I should go back to school, if my parents are safe on the road, if my friends are happy, if we’re right for each other, if he’ll ever love me as much as I love him.

I REGRET the things I didn’t do much more than the things I did do, not listening more, making it more about me and less about them, not appreciating the time I had because I didn’t realize it was limited.

I AM NOT quiet or graceful.

I DANCE not nearly as often as I should… but quite a bit more than I’ll admit!

I SING in the shower, while I’m cleaning the house, while doing dishes, in the car with the radio blaring, silently to myself while I work. I have my own internal soundtrack.

I CRY at movies, at TV shows, at songs on the radio in my car… but I try to NEVER cry when I’m sad or upset or frustrated – then I generally laugh (giggle) and excuse myself to the restroom.

I AM NOT ALWAYS kind, but I’m working on it.

I MAKE WITH MY HANDS a mean turkey sausage and spinach lasagna, chicken and white bean chili, or some grilled steaks with sautéed mushrooms and blue cheese mashed potatoes – I’m good with the food stuff. If I do say so myself!

I WRITE for myself, for amusement, and because it’s cheaper than therapy.

I CONFUSE the fine line between wanting to give people everything they want and also wanting them to like me for me.

I NEED sunshine, blue skies, fresh air to breathe, and space but also stress, schedules, something or someone to take care of, to be needed, wanted, desired, loved.

I SHOULD eat better, exercise more, show my friends, and loved ones how much they mean to me, go to the dentist.

I START a new day feeling optimistic and with a complete plan and to-do list for what I want to get accomplished.

I FINISH approximately 10% of what is on that list usually.

I tag Liz, Michele, Mary (Good Lord woman it's been awhile!), Shawn (you ARE on a roll after all), Kate (so you don't have to steal it) and anyone else who's in the mood...

Enjoy!