Wednesday, May 17, 2006

Wednesday Lists

List 10 things you want to say to people but never will for whatever reason. Don’t say who they are. Use each person only once.*

You inspire me. To be more patient, more kind. To be healthier, stronger. To love myself more. To get out of bed in the morning. I wish you knew.

Growing up you were always the beautiful one, the talented one, the nice one. Now that we’re grown up and I see the women we’ve each become I wonder why I wasted so much time being jealous of you.

Your children are not babies. Your son is a grown boy of 8 and your daughter is a beautiful pre-teenager. Treating them like infants does not mask the fact that you are miserable or that your marriage is failing.

I wish you would show the person you are when it’s just you and me to more people so they could love you as much as I do.

I wonder sometimes how I’m going to feel when I get the call that tells me that you’re gone. I think that then I’ll allow myself to grieve for you and what could have been between us. I wonder if I’ll have regrets then. I wonder if you have them now.

You think I don’t understand the sacrifices you made for me but I do. You are my hero. You are stronger than I could ever hope to be.

I wouldn’t treat a dog the way you treated me. I’m ashamed that I let you.

Sometimes I feel like I could tell you anything and that I am the most important person on the planet. Other times I feel like you don’t care about my feelings at all. I love you anyway.

Why would you think that counting calories and excessive exercise is normal in a 9 year old? Did you think it was cute? Did you think calling me things like “sassy” would endear me to you? “Sassy” is not a compliment. I’m not 9 – I know that now.

I might have not turned out to be everything you hoped I would be. But I tried. And that was too much pressure for a teenaged girl to handle. You let me down too you know. I needed you. I needed you to stand by me and be proud of me. Not to judge me and tell me I was wrong. You were the one that wrong. Wrong about me.

*Stolen from Mystery Girl


Michele said...

Great entry. Of course I am trying to figure out who they could be for.

Tiffany said...

LOL - Most of those people were before you knew me! At least the negative ones! And for good reason! I don't keep them around!