Viva Las Vegas!

(I apologize in advance for the extremely long post...)

Sorry for my relative blog silence over the last several days. TheBoy and I left early Saturday morning for a belated FIVE YEAR anniversary celebration in Las Vegas! I was a little weary given I was knocked out for two days prior with a nasty stomach flu type bug… I even missed a Giants game on Thursday y’all – now you KNOW that’s serious! I fell asleep LITERALLY in the middle of packing my suitcase on Friday night. Climbed on top of the bed, in between the piles of clothes, toiletries and discarded outfits, and passed out cold at like 9:15 pm! Fantastic right?

It’s SO exciting to be me sometimes.

Anywho… A Bloody Mary at the airport bar and we were good to go! We landed in Las Vegas to 100+ degree weather on Saturday morning and promptly made our way over to the Luxor where we had a room in the pyramid, complete with slanted wall/window and “inclinator” (ie: sideways moving elevator) ride. We were there three days and I never once rode that thing without stumbling. First order of business upon arrival? A Mexican food lunch complete with margaritas (we are creatures of habit), a quick shopping trip for a shirt for TheBoy to wear out to the clubs that night, and then down to the pool for us. Ahh… heaven!

A few more beverages and a $40 pool bar tab later, I was in desperate need of a nap. Stomach flu remember? So I headed up to the room to lie down and TheBoy went wandering to check out a few of the nightclubs in the neighboring casinos. That night, after a fine dinner of take out Little Caesar’s Pizza*, TheBoy and I got all fancied up… He in his brand new British rocker inspired shirt and me in my appropriate cleavage bearing top and skinny jeans. When in Vegas right? Thank God for stomach flu right before having to don the skinny jeans!

The comments I received on the *ahem* hootchie shirt were a source of hilarity for TheBoy and I all evening and included such favorites as:

Drunk Boy outside Rum Jungle bathroom: “You are the most beautiful woman in the club!”

Me: “Really? Because I’m up here.”

~ and ~

Older leering man at 40 Deuce: “Hi, I’m Steve.”

Me: “Hi Steve.”

Steve: …

Me: …

Steve: “I really like your blouse.”

Me: “How original.”

Good times y’all.

We started the night at Rum Jungle in Mandalay Bay. Did I forget to mention that there was some huge UFC fight going on at the Luxor on Saturday night? Yes? How terribly GIRLY of me. You can imagine how hard it was for me to contain my excitement. Needless to say the lines were a little out of control all weekend. But I was proud of TheBoy, he didn’t complain… TOO much!

Actually, Rum Jungle’s line wasn’t horrible when we got there at just before 11:00 pm. We did some dancing. We did some drinking. We saw the girls spinning from the trapeze thing. And then? Then it started to get crowded. And let me just say, to those of you people reading who are of average height or taller, that it is no pleasant experience to be in a crowded, hot room when you are petite** and all you can see are people’s chests. It’s a little bit claustrophobic really.

Also, I’ve come to the conclusion that there is a conspiracy in Las Vegas regarding seating in clubs. Have you ever noticed that if you are at a club in Vegas and you want to rest your feet because you have been drinking and dancing and are wearing cute shoes and maybe cute shoes don’t = comfortable shoes so you start looking around for a bench or a bar stool or an effing bean bag chair and it suddenly dawns on you that all of those things are available (and practically empty I might add) BEHIND the VIP area??? Yes, that’s right – in order to sit down at a club in Vegas you must purchase a $270 bottle of Absolut.

True Story.

After Rum Jungle we decided to check out this burlesque club we had gotten free passes to as part of our “package deal” weekend called Forty Deuce. This was, by far, my favorite venue of the night. Smaller bar, smaller dance floor, friendlier people… Definitely fun! But again, no friggin’ place to sit! It’s a conspiracy I tell you! We found out that Jenna Jameson was going to be hosting a party there the following night and were offered free passes*** to return so we decided to call it a night.

The next morning (noon) we decided to get up and head over to the Hard Rock Hotel for their infamous beach party Rehab. After another Mexican food lunch and margaritas, of course. Seriously y’all this was worth the wait. I highly recommend it. I also recommend getting there earlier than we did and planning to bribe the doormen. I’m just saying.

I have never seen so many rock hard bodies and teeny weenie bikinis in my life! The music was awesome, the drinks were flowing and it was hot, Hot, HOT! There were two slides, a lazy river, and a big main pool area where all the dancing was going on. I couldn’t believe all the security! We shared a limo**** over from our hotel and met the nicest girls from Manhattan who were so sweet and funny and a guy who said his friend is dating Jenna Jameson. We aren’t sure if we believe him necessarily but the stories were fun. Then in line we met these super sweet guys who were on a THREE AND A HALF MONTH vacation from Australia. Yeah go ahead and read that again. They went to Singapore and Europe for the Word Cup and Greece and all over creation basically ending up in Vegas before heading over to California and then to Hawaii for 8 days and home. THREE AND A HALF MONTHS! Y’all.

Highlights from Rehab include:

~ The girl wearing a teeny tiny leopard print string ONE PIECE (try to picture it if you can) who explained to TheBoy and I how she had to shave her entire… *ahem* female parts to wear it. And when we mistakenly didn’t look like we believed her? She showed us.

~ The guy who was just standing there in the water while some poor girl was dancing all over him. We could not figure out why he was not in to her AT ALL – I mean she was cute enough – albeit a tad drunk… Until a different girl started flashing and a fight broke out and the “just standing there” guy took off into the fray. Ah ha! Incognito security. Tricky.

~ The woman who was so drunk she didn’t realize she was flashing everyone until after a security guard had practically tackled her.

~ Water slides! Yay!

~ Shots. In syringes. Enough said.

~ Being hit on by Air Force boys. In plain view of TheBoy. And the sheepish looks they got on their faces when they realized he was watching.

~ TheBoy being called “sir” by aforementioned cute Air Force boys.

All that swimming***** really tires a girl out so we decided to head back to our hotel for a shower and dinner at the buffet. We still hadn’t made a decision as to what exactly we wanted to do that evening but there were a few options on the table. Over dinner TheBoy was getting more and more sleepy… Too much sun! So we decided to head up to the room so he could take a quick nap. I watched some TV and read my book while I waited for him to wake up. Finally I resorted to passive aggressive measures to see if he’d wake up. I slammed a few drawers. I ran some water in the bathroom. I tried rubbing his arms and tummy. NOTHING! TheBoy was out cold. So I laid down myself for a bit but I couldn’t get to sleep! Those of you who know us understand how funny this is! He finally woke up at about 1:45 but it was way too late (early?) for either of us to think about going out that night.

The next day was our last day in Vegas. We had to wake up relatively early… Check out was at 11:00. We left our bags with the bell desk and found a place to have a big champagne breakfast! Mmm… champagne! Breakfast of champions. From there we decided to play tourist for the remainder of our stay. First stop? The lions over at the MGM. After that we took the elevator ride to the top of the Eiffel Tower at the Paris Hotel and checked out the view of the strip. It was 100 degrees up there! But not to worry – they told us there was no humidity! Like that makes it better??

From there we walked over and saw the Forum Shops at Caesar’s Palace and just missed the moving statues. But we did manage to make it back over to the Bellagio in time to see the dancing fountains. I’ve probably seen that half a dozen times but it still takes my breath away. All that water! From there it was just about time to head back to our hotel and get ready to head to the airport. But not without one last stop at our hotel lounge for a final shared bottle of champagne and some laughs over our favorite memories from the trip.

Pictures soon!



*2 for $20! Those things are like $5 each at home!! Effing Vegas!!

**short

***It was the shirt y’all I swear!

****YAY! I got to ride in a limo! Somewhere other than to the airport with co-workers!

*****standing around and quasi-dancing in the water