Have you ever noticed how discontent in one area of your life can lead to unhappiness in others? It’s hard to decipher whether or not you are (or should be) truly upset about something or rather if you’re just upset period. Is it just me? The last few weeks have been difficult, not just for me but for those around me also. I sincerely apologize for that.
It was not my intention to be silent here for almost 3 weeks and for that I apologize too. Know that I was still reading your thoughts, if not daily at least frequently enough that I still felt in the loop. It’s funny how the impulsive decision to join this online fad called blogging has led me to “meet” so many wonderful people.
I’m bored. I’m bored with my life. I feel… stifled, frozen, unhappy. I let it get to point where I didn’t even want to get out of bed in the morning to face this life. I need a challenge. Something rewarding, fulfilling, something to do that I can be proud of. I need something to look forward to.
Thank you all for your well wishes over the past few weeks… I’m gathering my thoughts and will be back with you shortly. As far as I can tell I’m already 12 posts behind in National Blogger’s Month – in which presumably we’re all supposed to blog once a day for… some unknown reason that breeds solidarity. Bloggers unite for NaBloMo!
Monday, November 13, 2006
Wednesday, October 25, 2006
Difficult
I’ll make no excuses for the blog silence other than this… I find it hard to write here when I’m feeling conflicted because I can’t share too many details. It’s just not who I am. My personal life is private and too many of my real life friends read this for me to really unburden here. And if I’ve learned anything from reading Dooce it’s that you should NEVER EVER discuss work turmoil online.
Let me just sum it up like this. The following things brought me to tears yesterday (in no particular order):
- A song on the radio about being a housewife
- A blog post about someone getting (what I would assume is) her dream job
- An OnStar commercial on the radio
- Telling TheBoy how stupid it was for me to cry at an OnStar commercial!
- An e-mail from an old co-worker detailing how much fun she’s having now that she quit her job here and is doing this
Please send wine.
Let me just sum it up like this. The following things brought me to tears yesterday (in no particular order):
- A song on the radio about being a housewife
- A blog post about someone getting (what I would assume is) her dream job
- An OnStar commercial on the radio
- Telling TheBoy how stupid it was for me to cry at an OnStar commercial!
- An e-mail from an old co-worker detailing how much fun she’s having now that she quit her job here and is doing this
Please send wine.
Wednesday, October 18, 2006
More Cabo Pics!
Before we went to dinner at Edith's, we went to this fabulous little place to have a sunset cocktail. This place was totally unassuming from the outside and under construction (as all of Cabo appears to be) but Lord the view!
Here's Chris and Chrsitie again... Aren't they cute?
Me and TheBoy... I suppose we're not too bad ourselves. :)
Here's the whole gang after the sun had set and right before we left for dinner. We met the nicest people there, two couples, from Texas who took this picture of us all. Y'all! Now they weren't from anywhere near Cibolo (or San Antonio for that matter) BUT they were from near where Rhonda grew up/has family! Did I mention Rhonda's a Texas girl? Y'all KNOW I love her right? Small world huh?
More pics from dinner... Here's Connie, being flirted with by our waiter.
Here's Chris and Chrsitie again... Aren't they cute?
Me and TheBoy... I suppose we're not too bad ourselves. :)
Here's the whole gang after the sun had set and right before we left for dinner. We met the nicest people there, two couples, from Texas who took this picture of us all. Y'all! Now they weren't from anywhere near Cibolo (or San Antonio for that matter) BUT they were from near where Rhonda grew up/has family! Did I mention Rhonda's a Texas girl? Y'all KNOW I love her right? Small world huh?
More pics from dinner... Here's Connie, being flirted with by our waiter.
Me and That Boy again... 
and Dawn and Rhonda...
Tuesday, October 17, 2006
Cabo Pictures!
You can thank TheBoy's dad for these because I still can't find my stupid cable... But here are a few to tide you over!
I think I mentioned that the hotel upgraded us to these fabulous suites that were maybe, not quite finished? One of the things that wasn't completed when we checked in that first night was there was NO WATER IN THE HOT TUBS! Luckily we'd had enough tequila that we didn't mind!
I think I mentioned that the hotel upgraded us to these fabulous suites that were maybe, not quite finished? One of the things that wasn't completed when we checked in that first night was there was NO WATER IN THE HOT TUBS! Luckily we'd had enough tequila that we didn't mind!
Here we are, slightly hung over and VERY HOT, the next morning at Margaritavilla. Not to be confused with the infinately more popular (and cleaner) place by a similar name which is owned by Jimmy Buffet. *ahem*
This restaurant was by far the best meal I ate in Cabo. The restaurant was called Edith's and we (the kids) took Doug and Kate (TheBoy's dad and step-mom) out to dinner to thank them for inviting us all to Cabo and really planning this whole vacation. Or at least that was the plan. Somehow Rhonda got ahold of the check at the end of the night and ended up treating everyone! So we spent the rest of the trip trying to make it up to her...
I had grilled lobster, grilled prawns (which were HUGE!) and a teeny tiny piece of Kobe filet which was to die for. Hmmm... Oh and tortilla soup. I tried the tortilla soup almost everywhere. Is it any wonder I've gained a few pounds!?!? The boy had some gi-normous Mexican platter thing. Also very tasty!
More pictures from dinner... Step-Brother Chris and his much hotter half Christie.
Okay apparently that's all the pictures Blogger will let me upload for the time being... So you'll probably think all we did on this vacation is drink. And you're pretty close to right! I'll try again later to post some more. AND to find my cable to I can post some photos of my own!
Thursday, October 12, 2006
Excuses and Lies
I make excuses and avoid having conversations with people because I don’t think I really want to know the truth. It’s easier for me to come up with reasons I think people behave the way they do than face the cold hard truth. Facing the truth is scary. I like to lie to myself. Is that naïve?
Because sometimes knowing the truth means making decisions. Decisions I may not be mentally or emotionally prepared to make. So instead of asking, “why don’t you want this?” Or, “what did you mean by that?” I excuse it away in my head blaming a bad childhood or emotional blockage or saying they’re just “that way” and for the most part I convince myself that I’m right.
But in my dreams? At night I’m forced to accept the fact that perhaps it’s not the fact that someone just doesn’t show emotions – perhaps they don’t FEEL the particular emotion I want them to feel. Maybe it’s not that they’re just “that way” it’s just that they’re “that way” with me. It’s not really any of the things I made up in my mind.
What if it’s not his parents divorce?
Because sometimes knowing the truth means making decisions. Decisions I may not be mentally or emotionally prepared to make. So instead of asking, “why don’t you want this?” Or, “what did you mean by that?” I excuse it away in my head blaming a bad childhood or emotional blockage or saying they’re just “that way” and for the most part I convince myself that I’m right.
But in my dreams? At night I’m forced to accept the fact that perhaps it’s not the fact that someone just doesn’t show emotions – perhaps they don’t FEEL the particular emotion I want them to feel. Maybe it’s not that they’re just “that way” it’s just that they’re “that way” with me. It’s not really any of the things I made up in my mind.
What if it’s not his parents divorce?
Wednesday, October 11, 2006
The point of exhaustion
I know I’ve written far too many posts where in I apologize for not posting but I really do feel bad for leaving you with a shrill political scolding for 10 days and coming back with a half-assed vacation recap so let me explain the last three days…
Sunday: Woke up ridiculously early having passed out early after unpacking from the flight the night before. Went to the Farmer’s Market, went to the grocery store, caught up on e-mail, cleaned up roughly 378 places where the cat vomited, cooked breakfast and made key-lime tartlets – all before 11:00 am. At 11:05 I realized I was supposed to be at Michele’s house in 25 minutes and had not managed to bathe – resigned myself to being late.
Showed up sometime around noon to Michele’s house to deliver the above tartlets and help prepare mini tea sandwiches for Michele’s tea party themed Bridal Shower. (Yay for Bridal Showers!*) General fun and good times ensued until around… 5:00 or so when the party ended and the guests had left. I’m fuzzy on the exact timing – I do recall leaving with more cookies and sweets than I knew what to do with! Also – I won a bingo at bridal bingo! Yay me!
Arrived home Sunday evening anticipating a quiet evening of cooking at home. Instead TheBoy wanted to go out for Mexican food because we failed to have a really good Mexican food dinner while in Cabo. Go figure. Afterwards a friend of ours was bartending at the bar she owns in town so we decided to swing by and hang out with some friends. We managed to be there about 30 minutes before TheBoy said something to hurt my feelings and I wanted to go home. I think we stayed about 30 additional minutes before I managed an escape.
Monday: Woke up very early and was at my desk 15 minutes before my normal time even though it was technically a holiday. Worked my tail off all day wading through e-mails and voicemails and piles of files and paperwork that had accumulated in my absence, finally stumbling out the door a full 10 hours after my arrival with no more than a 10 minute run to Subway as a break.
Ran over to pick up some pants I had left to be altered before leaving town and finally made it home about 7:00 where I thought briefly about going to the gym but decided instead to cook dinner. Michele and Cate called after they got done with their workout at the gym (they are SO much more motivated on this working out thing than I am) and they joined me and a just arriving home TheBoy for a late dinner and a decidedly chick flick, Raise Your Voice. It was cute. Fell into bed exhausted sometime after 11:00 pm.
Tuesday: Woke up at the un-Godly hour of 5:00 am to get ready for work and drop TheBoy off at the surgery center where he was having orthroscopic surgery on his right shoulder. I was at my desk going full steam ahead by 6:45 am. At 9:45 am I got the call that TheBoy was out of surgery and could I please go pick up some medication at Walgreens before I came to pick him up? An hour later I was finally out of Walgreens (!) and on my way to the surgery center.
The rest of my afternoon involved plumping pillows, fetching pain pills, anti-nausea pills, making soup and pouring sprites and water. Poor TheBoy, he could hardly walk or keep his eyes open very long and he looked like he was in so much pain! Also, to add insult to injury, every time he takes one of his pain pills it gives him the worst hiccups! Of course, being the sweet and loving girlfriend that I am, I set my alarm for every 4 hours during the night to wake him up to take his pills. And of course, being the basket case that I am, I couldn’t sleep for fear I’d miss the alarms! *ahem*
Today: I full on got in the car this morning, backed out of the driveway and drove to the end of the street when I realized that I had forgotten something. So I promptly, turned around, pulled back in the drive way and went back up stairs to brush my teeth.
Then, I get to work, turn on my computer, go to the kitchen to fill my water bottle and get a cup of tea, have a complete conversation with not one but TWO co-workers before going to the little girl’s room to wash my hands when I realize… I managed to put on a full face of make-up this morning MINUS mascara. One trip to Walgreens later and I have remedied the situation and now have an “emergency” mascara stash in my desk drawer.
Y’all? There is not coffee enough in the world for this day. But! I am almost caught up in all the blog reading I missed while in Mexico. You guys were busy! And I missed you!
*Also, HolyFreakingHell the wedding is only 9 days away!
Sunday: Woke up ridiculously early having passed out early after unpacking from the flight the night before. Went to the Farmer’s Market, went to the grocery store, caught up on e-mail, cleaned up roughly 378 places where the cat vomited, cooked breakfast and made key-lime tartlets – all before 11:00 am. At 11:05 I realized I was supposed to be at Michele’s house in 25 minutes and had not managed to bathe – resigned myself to being late.
Showed up sometime around noon to Michele’s house to deliver the above tartlets and help prepare mini tea sandwiches for Michele’s tea party themed Bridal Shower. (Yay for Bridal Showers!*) General fun and good times ensued until around… 5:00 or so when the party ended and the guests had left. I’m fuzzy on the exact timing – I do recall leaving with more cookies and sweets than I knew what to do with! Also – I won a bingo at bridal bingo! Yay me!
Arrived home Sunday evening anticipating a quiet evening of cooking at home. Instead TheBoy wanted to go out for Mexican food because we failed to have a really good Mexican food dinner while in Cabo. Go figure. Afterwards a friend of ours was bartending at the bar she owns in town so we decided to swing by and hang out with some friends. We managed to be there about 30 minutes before TheBoy said something to hurt my feelings and I wanted to go home. I think we stayed about 30 additional minutes before I managed an escape.
Monday: Woke up very early and was at my desk 15 minutes before my normal time even though it was technically a holiday. Worked my tail off all day wading through e-mails and voicemails and piles of files and paperwork that had accumulated in my absence, finally stumbling out the door a full 10 hours after my arrival with no more than a 10 minute run to Subway as a break.
Ran over to pick up some pants I had left to be altered before leaving town and finally made it home about 7:00 where I thought briefly about going to the gym but decided instead to cook dinner. Michele and Cate called after they got done with their workout at the gym (they are SO much more motivated on this working out thing than I am) and they joined me and a just arriving home TheBoy for a late dinner and a decidedly chick flick, Raise Your Voice. It was cute. Fell into bed exhausted sometime after 11:00 pm.
Tuesday: Woke up at the un-Godly hour of 5:00 am to get ready for work and drop TheBoy off at the surgery center where he was having orthroscopic surgery on his right shoulder. I was at my desk going full steam ahead by 6:45 am. At 9:45 am I got the call that TheBoy was out of surgery and could I please go pick up some medication at Walgreens before I came to pick him up? An hour later I was finally out of Walgreens (!) and on my way to the surgery center.
The rest of my afternoon involved plumping pillows, fetching pain pills, anti-nausea pills, making soup and pouring sprites and water. Poor TheBoy, he could hardly walk or keep his eyes open very long and he looked like he was in so much pain! Also, to add insult to injury, every time he takes one of his pain pills it gives him the worst hiccups! Of course, being the sweet and loving girlfriend that I am, I set my alarm for every 4 hours during the night to wake him up to take his pills. And of course, being the basket case that I am, I couldn’t sleep for fear I’d miss the alarms! *ahem*
Today: I full on got in the car this morning, backed out of the driveway and drove to the end of the street when I realized that I had forgotten something. So I promptly, turned around, pulled back in the drive way and went back up stairs to brush my teeth.
Then, I get to work, turn on my computer, go to the kitchen to fill my water bottle and get a cup of tea, have a complete conversation with not one but TWO co-workers before going to the little girl’s room to wash my hands when I realize… I managed to put on a full face of make-up this morning MINUS mascara. One trip to Walgreens later and I have remedied the situation and now have an “emergency” mascara stash in my desk drawer.
Y’all? There is not coffee enough in the world for this day. But! I am almost caught up in all the blog reading I missed while in Mexico. You guys were busy! And I missed you!
*Also, HolyFreakingHell the wedding is only 9 days away!
Monday, October 09, 2006
Esta Bien
Hello faithful blog readers! Or rather Hola!
I’m back from my vacation to Cabo San Lucas where there was much relaxing at the beach/pool and far too much tequila consumption. A good time was had by all. I’ll try to get some pictures posted in the next few days. I’m waiting on the ones taken by TheBoy’s step-brother’s girlfriend also as she was MUCH better about bringing the camera with us.
Today it’s back to life, back to reality (are those the lyrics to some 80’s pop song?), back to the gym and seriously into detox mode for Tiffy. Here are a few highlights from our trip:
- Doug, Kate, Dawn, Chris and Christi all arrived in Cabo at Terminal 1. TheBoy and I were arriving at Terminal 2 shortly thereafter. Upon their arrival they asked someone there if our flight had landed and were told it had been delayed by 30 – 45 minutes. It had not. So while they were enjoying a cocktail in the airport bar, TheBoy and I were anxiously waiting outside Terminal 2 wondering if we’d been forgotten.
- When we finally make it to the resort we learn there has been some mix up with our reservations (welcome to Mexico) but they are going to upgrade us to 2 ocean view suites complete with private jacuzzi tubs on the balconies. SWEET!
- The downside to our ocean view suites? The wing of the resort they are in is still under construction. And dang it if those Mexican workers aren’t industrious and like to start work in the wee hours of the morning! Calls placed to the front desk before 6:00 am to kindly ask them to stop pounding until a more Godly hour? 3. By our group alone.
- 2 for 1 drinks at the pool bar. Enough said.
- Water taxis are harder to get in and out of than they look. I’m just saying is all.
- We went to a “beach party” on Wednesday night at our hotel that was all you can eat and all you can drink. Standing in line to get in the event staff from the hotel had squeeze bottles full of alcoholic beverages they would randomly squeeze in to your mouths. They liked us a lot. Avoiding eye contact only made it worse. The lead singer in the band was very easy on the eyes.
- TheBoy came in second place in a limbo contest. This is significant because he is 6’7”. He lost to a tee tiny 18 year old who was maybe 5’ tall. I was proud. TheBoy was actually quite the joiner the whole week! He played pool volleyball, sand volleyball, entered a beer chugging contest, did a tequila walk… Everyone in the resort knew him by the end of the week.
- The best dinner by far we had in Cabo was at Edith’s. It was also by far the most expensive dinner we had. But Good Lord Almighty it was tasty! I had grilled lobster tail and jumbo prawns with Kobe filet. TheBoy had a Kobe New York Steak I think and enchiladas. So yummy!
- The cheapest meal we ate was right outside of Cabo Wabo where The Boy and I shared 5 beers and a plate of nachos for $10. SWEET!
- 9 out of 10 people in our group got sick at one point or another. The one lucky soul? TheBoy. But that’s okay because the first night we were there he maybe had a tad too much tequila so he was sick the next morning just not the same type of sick as the rest of us.
- We went through almost two 3 liter bottles of tequila in our room alone. Not counting what we ordered from the bar or while out in town. Also, there was quite a bit of damage done to a case of Tecate and 3 or 4 bottles of champagne were polished off. The other suite had a virtual full bar with Jack Daniels, Vodka, cases and cases of wine plus at least one case of Corona that we saw.
- It was HOT HOT HOT there. And humid! That’s saying a lot coming from this Southern girl. But dang it if I didn’t have cute hair while we were there!
All in all it was an awesome trip but it sure is good to be home!
I’m back from my vacation to Cabo San Lucas where there was much relaxing at the beach/pool and far too much tequila consumption. A good time was had by all. I’ll try to get some pictures posted in the next few days. I’m waiting on the ones taken by TheBoy’s step-brother’s girlfriend also as she was MUCH better about bringing the camera with us.
Today it’s back to life, back to reality (are those the lyrics to some 80’s pop song?), back to the gym and seriously into detox mode for Tiffy. Here are a few highlights from our trip:
- Doug, Kate, Dawn, Chris and Christi all arrived in Cabo at Terminal 1. TheBoy and I were arriving at Terminal 2 shortly thereafter. Upon their arrival they asked someone there if our flight had landed and were told it had been delayed by 30 – 45 minutes. It had not. So while they were enjoying a cocktail in the airport bar, TheBoy and I were anxiously waiting outside Terminal 2 wondering if we’d been forgotten.
- When we finally make it to the resort we learn there has been some mix up with our reservations (welcome to Mexico) but they are going to upgrade us to 2 ocean view suites complete with private jacuzzi tubs on the balconies. SWEET!
- The downside to our ocean view suites? The wing of the resort they are in is still under construction. And dang it if those Mexican workers aren’t industrious and like to start work in the wee hours of the morning! Calls placed to the front desk before 6:00 am to kindly ask them to stop pounding until a more Godly hour? 3. By our group alone.
- 2 for 1 drinks at the pool bar. Enough said.
- Water taxis are harder to get in and out of than they look. I’m just saying is all.
- We went to a “beach party” on Wednesday night at our hotel that was all you can eat and all you can drink. Standing in line to get in the event staff from the hotel had squeeze bottles full of alcoholic beverages they would randomly squeeze in to your mouths. They liked us a lot. Avoiding eye contact only made it worse. The lead singer in the band was very easy on the eyes.
- TheBoy came in second place in a limbo contest. This is significant because he is 6’7”. He lost to a tee tiny 18 year old who was maybe 5’ tall. I was proud. TheBoy was actually quite the joiner the whole week! He played pool volleyball, sand volleyball, entered a beer chugging contest, did a tequila walk… Everyone in the resort knew him by the end of the week.
- The best dinner by far we had in Cabo was at Edith’s. It was also by far the most expensive dinner we had. But Good Lord Almighty it was tasty! I had grilled lobster tail and jumbo prawns with Kobe filet. TheBoy had a Kobe New York Steak I think and enchiladas. So yummy!
- The cheapest meal we ate was right outside of Cabo Wabo where The Boy and I shared 5 beers and a plate of nachos for $10. SWEET!
- 9 out of 10 people in our group got sick at one point or another. The one lucky soul? TheBoy. But that’s okay because the first night we were there he maybe had a tad too much tequila so he was sick the next morning just not the same type of sick as the rest of us.
- We went through almost two 3 liter bottles of tequila in our room alone. Not counting what we ordered from the bar or while out in town. Also, there was quite a bit of damage done to a case of Tecate and 3 or 4 bottles of champagne were polished off. The other suite had a virtual full bar with Jack Daniels, Vodka, cases and cases of wine plus at least one case of Corona that we saw.
- It was HOT HOT HOT there. And humid! That’s saying a lot coming from this Southern girl. But dang it if I didn’t have cute hair while we were there!
All in all it was an awesome trip but it sure is good to be home!
Friday, September 29, 2006
A Plea for Education
I am not going to make a political statement even though I do have some fairly strong thoughts on the events that have transpired in Congress in the last few days. I am instead issuing a plea.
No matter which way your political sympathies lie, PLEASE educate yourselves as to what is happening in your world, in YOUR country. My biggest fear is that so many people claim they “don’t have the time” to educate themselves about what is happening in the political arena… I’d hate to have people wake up one morning and realize we’re living in Nazi Germany.
"If we sit by complacently and watch our rights erode, it won't be long until don't have any"*
Here is the full text of the “Military Commissions ACT of 2006” or the Detainee Bill that has been voted through by Congress. Read it for yourselves.
*I can’t recall where I read that quote – because I’ve been doing a LOT of reading over the past 24 hours – so to whomever, wherever, I couldn’t have said it better myself.
No matter which way your political sympathies lie, PLEASE educate yourselves as to what is happening in your world, in YOUR country. My biggest fear is that so many people claim they “don’t have the time” to educate themselves about what is happening in the political arena… I’d hate to have people wake up one morning and realize we’re living in Nazi Germany.
"If we sit by complacently and watch our rights erode, it won't be long until don't have any"*
Here is the full text of the “Military Commissions ACT of 2006” or the Detainee Bill that has been voted through by Congress. Read it for yourselves.
*I can’t recall where I read that quote – because I’ve been doing a LOT of reading over the past 24 hours – so to whomever, wherever, I couldn’t have said it better myself.
Thursday, September 28, 2006
Vanity
I leave for Cabo in 41 hours. I have accomplished almost nothing on my list of “to-do” items. As you can imagine, this is causing me a lot of undue stress! Between the laundry and the ironing and the packing (don’t even get me started on the ever changing FDA approved items for travel list!) and running around to take care of the *ahem* personal grooming items that needed to be maintained before I could possibly wear a bikini… I’m going crazy over here!
A couple of weeks ago after the biopsy, in which the doctor cut a hole in my foot, I was having just one of those days. Ladies, you know what I mean… I was just starting to feel like maybe the universe should put down the ugly stick it’s been beating me with for the past several weeks. Take for example:
1) I am in desperate need of a haircut but my stylist says it’s pointless to do anything before Cabo because the salt water and chlorine will ruin it.
2) All of my nails have been breaking like crazy. I think this might be another joyous effect of whatever infection is currently running rampant in my system. Being able to grow strong and healthy nails has always been a point of pride for me.
3) I have not been to the gym in WEEKS. Because I have a HOLE in my FOOT. Have I mentioned that before?
4) Also, let’s not forget that I have some serious purple scarring going on all over my feet and legs. AND? Now I have mysterious bumps showing up, not only in the scars but also in places that I previously had no bite! Is this fair?
So, as I sat at my desk at work, having my own little pity party (table for 1) I decided that at the very least I could have cute hands. So I took my scraggly haired, plague having, limping fat ass down to the nail salon closest to my office and bought a set of nails. Oh yes I did. And I love them – click clickity click.
Ahem.
So that was 2 weeks ago and I wanted to get a fill before I left for Cabo. Cute hands in Cabo – check! Scary plague rash on legs under sundress – check! check! Anywho, I was going to try to find a cheaper place to go (as downtown is quite expensive) but in the interest of saving time I went ahead and made an appointment at the salon with the girl who did the original set. When I got there she was “at lunch” (?) even though I had an appointment so another girl was going to work on me.
I sat down in the chair and explained what I wanted (fill, shorten to length of my nails, very thin) and then started zoning out to all the other things I have to do before I leave. However, I was drug back from la la land by the SEARING PAIN in my fingers! Seriously, this girl had a dremmel tool sander thing and she was going to use it! It felt like every nerve in the tip of my fingers was on fire. I literally had to close my eyes and breathe deep to get through it. I tried a couple times to explain the agony but she just kind of giggled and offered some encouragement (so pretty!).
It’s a shame really because at the end when I finally became brave enough to open my eyes, where I was expecting to see bloody stumps, sat what is probably the best fill I’ve ever had. No pain no gain? Even so I think I’ll take my chances with a new salon next time! My fingers are STILL tender in some places! But I have pretty bought and paid for nails. A girl’s got to have something.
A couple of weeks ago after the biopsy, in which the doctor cut a hole in my foot, I was having just one of those days. Ladies, you know what I mean… I was just starting to feel like maybe the universe should put down the ugly stick it’s been beating me with for the past several weeks. Take for example:
1) I am in desperate need of a haircut but my stylist says it’s pointless to do anything before Cabo because the salt water and chlorine will ruin it.
2) All of my nails have been breaking like crazy. I think this might be another joyous effect of whatever infection is currently running rampant in my system. Being able to grow strong and healthy nails has always been a point of pride for me.
3) I have not been to the gym in WEEKS. Because I have a HOLE in my FOOT. Have I mentioned that before?
4) Also, let’s not forget that I have some serious purple scarring going on all over my feet and legs. AND? Now I have mysterious bumps showing up, not only in the scars but also in places that I previously had no bite! Is this fair?
So, as I sat at my desk at work, having my own little pity party (table for 1) I decided that at the very least I could have cute hands. So I took my scraggly haired, plague having, limping fat ass down to the nail salon closest to my office and bought a set of nails. Oh yes I did. And I love them – click clickity click.
Ahem.
So that was 2 weeks ago and I wanted to get a fill before I left for Cabo. Cute hands in Cabo – check! Scary plague rash on legs under sundress – check! check! Anywho, I was going to try to find a cheaper place to go (as downtown is quite expensive) but in the interest of saving time I went ahead and made an appointment at the salon with the girl who did the original set. When I got there she was “at lunch” (?) even though I had an appointment so another girl was going to work on me.
I sat down in the chair and explained what I wanted (fill, shorten to length of my nails, very thin) and then started zoning out to all the other things I have to do before I leave. However, I was drug back from la la land by the SEARING PAIN in my fingers! Seriously, this girl had a dremmel tool sander thing and she was going to use it! It felt like every nerve in the tip of my fingers was on fire. I literally had to close my eyes and breathe deep to get through it. I tried a couple times to explain the agony but she just kind of giggled and offered some encouragement (so pretty!).
It’s a shame really because at the end when I finally became brave enough to open my eyes, where I was expecting to see bloody stumps, sat what is probably the best fill I’ve ever had. No pain no gain? Even so I think I’ll take my chances with a new salon next time! My fingers are STILL tender in some places! But I have pretty bought and paid for nails. A girl’s got to have something.
Wednesday, September 27, 2006
Just me
I hate cold pizza. I love pickles and have been known to drink from the pickle jar. I don’t like fruity sweet drinks, except sangria. I like my martinis dirty, with extra olives. It’s like a snack with my beverage. I could drink beer all day long but I’m trying to cut back because I hear the beer belly look is out this fall. I used to love to cook but I’m terrified I’ve lost it. Regardless of how I FEEL about it, I’m pretty damn good at it.
I’m anal retentive and a neat freak. My closets are organized not only by article of clothing (tops, pants, skirts, dresses) but also by sleeve length or hem length and then by color. My CDs and movies are alphabetized. I do not understand how people can ever find the CD they are looking for if they are NOT alphabetized. A couple times a year I go through and throw away food and condiments in my kitchen that are close the expiration date or have been open “too long”. The definition of “too long” varies by which germaphobic moment I’m having that day.
I cry at movies. My friends mock me for it but I’ve caught a few of them doing it too. Don’t ask why I’m the one who gets the label of “the crier”. I also cry when I’m angry, frustrated, tired or in pain. I cry a lot. Coincidentally I HATE crying. Especially when I’m angry (talk about undermining your position in an argument!), frustrated (usually I end up more frustrated with myself than what I was originally frustrated about), tired or in pain (I try to be in denial about both).
I can not go on vacation, even for a weekend, unless the house is clean. This adds lots of pre-vacation stress but I hate coming home from a relaxing time away to a messy house. It will totally negate any fun I had. Seriously. I wish I could make it so that I couldn’t go to bed at night without certain things being done. When I get tired, I am T-I-R-E-D. I can fall asleep almost anywhere and in the most amazing positions. I blame this amazing “insta-sleepy” on my inability to remember to take off my make-up before bed.
In my lifetime I have dreamed of being all of the following things: a Broadway dancer / singer / actress, a writer, an animal trainer, a missionary, a chef / restaurant owner, a social services worker, a paralegal, an attorney, a real estate agent, a caterer and most recently an event planner / wedding coordinator. Notice never once did I mention or dream of my current position… I think that is a sign.
When I was a Junior High School I told my friend Shawn that I wanted to have “enough children to have my own mini-football team.” Heh. I’ve since come to my senses and realized that I have neither the patience nor the resources for such an endeavor. I also do not have the desire. But lately? I have been thinking very small and very quiet thoughts that maybe, just maybe, I might want one.* I promptly drown that voice with another dirty martini. Let’s see if that inner monologue bitch can swim!
I have been told that I am hard to get to know. I will admit to being a little guarded. I have a busy life and I’m not about making friends just so I can say I have 50 bajillion friends. Impress me. Intrigue me. Make me laugh. But I am fiercely loyal to the friends I do have. I believe in friends for life, making it work. I would do just about anything for a select handful of people. I think they feel the same.
I love music – I feel and empathize with lyrics. I constantly have an internal soundtrack playing. When things happen to me I find songs that relate to get me through. Sometimes a song coming on the radio will take me back to a different time and place faster than if you’d brought it up specifically. There are songs I can not listen to for this reason.
I am obsessed with working out and counting calories. More than is probably healthy so I try to curb it. In the height of my MUST. LOSE. WEIGHT. frenzy I was working out with a boot camp program 5 days a week for an hour in the morning and then taking yoga 2 nights a week and on Sunday mornings PLUS fitting in 2 or 3 additional work outs during the week. It was excessive. Needless to say, this hole in my foot? Totally cramping my style!
I hate meeting new people. I hate calling people I don’t know REALLY well on the phone. I hate ordering take-out. I won’t use the bathroom of a restaurant I haven’t eaten at unless it is a DIRE emergency. I still feel the need to talk to my mother every few days to keep me grounded. I wish I had finished college when I had the chance. I am stubborn. I like rules. People don’t like to play games with me because I adhere to the rules so strictly. I’m the polar opposite of selfish. I wish sometimes that I could learn to be a little more selfish.
I read for fun. In school I used to look forward to getting homework. I’m a geek. I used to cross stitch and my grandmother once showed me how to crochet. Those are the limits of my creative talents. Knitting may be the new yoga but I’m pretty darn good at the old yoga so I’ll stick with it. I am sarcastic. I might drink too much sometimes. I am the queen of multi-tasking. I make lists. I love to cross things off a list.
*I totally blame Dooce. Seriously – read the archives of the newsletters that she writes to her daughter every month… Or maybe? Don’t. Look what it is doing to me!
I’m anal retentive and a neat freak. My closets are organized not only by article of clothing (tops, pants, skirts, dresses) but also by sleeve length or hem length and then by color. My CDs and movies are alphabetized. I do not understand how people can ever find the CD they are looking for if they are NOT alphabetized. A couple times a year I go through and throw away food and condiments in my kitchen that are close the expiration date or have been open “too long”. The definition of “too long” varies by which germaphobic moment I’m having that day.
I cry at movies. My friends mock me for it but I’ve caught a few of them doing it too. Don’t ask why I’m the one who gets the label of “the crier”. I also cry when I’m angry, frustrated, tired or in pain. I cry a lot. Coincidentally I HATE crying. Especially when I’m angry (talk about undermining your position in an argument!), frustrated (usually I end up more frustrated with myself than what I was originally frustrated about), tired or in pain (I try to be in denial about both).
I can not go on vacation, even for a weekend, unless the house is clean. This adds lots of pre-vacation stress but I hate coming home from a relaxing time away to a messy house. It will totally negate any fun I had. Seriously. I wish I could make it so that I couldn’t go to bed at night without certain things being done. When I get tired, I am T-I-R-E-D. I can fall asleep almost anywhere and in the most amazing positions. I blame this amazing “insta-sleepy” on my inability to remember to take off my make-up before bed.
In my lifetime I have dreamed of being all of the following things: a Broadway dancer / singer / actress, a writer, an animal trainer, a missionary, a chef / restaurant owner, a social services worker, a paralegal, an attorney, a real estate agent, a caterer and most recently an event planner / wedding coordinator. Notice never once did I mention or dream of my current position… I think that is a sign.
When I was a Junior High School I told my friend Shawn that I wanted to have “enough children to have my own mini-football team.” Heh. I’ve since come to my senses and realized that I have neither the patience nor the resources for such an endeavor. I also do not have the desire. But lately? I have been thinking very small and very quiet thoughts that maybe, just maybe, I might want one.* I promptly drown that voice with another dirty martini. Let’s see if that inner monologue bitch can swim!
I have been told that I am hard to get to know. I will admit to being a little guarded. I have a busy life and I’m not about making friends just so I can say I have 50 bajillion friends. Impress me. Intrigue me. Make me laugh. But I am fiercely loyal to the friends I do have. I believe in friends for life, making it work. I would do just about anything for a select handful of people. I think they feel the same.
I love music – I feel and empathize with lyrics. I constantly have an internal soundtrack playing. When things happen to me I find songs that relate to get me through. Sometimes a song coming on the radio will take me back to a different time and place faster than if you’d brought it up specifically. There are songs I can not listen to for this reason.
I am obsessed with working out and counting calories. More than is probably healthy so I try to curb it. In the height of my MUST. LOSE. WEIGHT. frenzy I was working out with a boot camp program 5 days a week for an hour in the morning and then taking yoga 2 nights a week and on Sunday mornings PLUS fitting in 2 or 3 additional work outs during the week. It was excessive. Needless to say, this hole in my foot? Totally cramping my style!
I hate meeting new people. I hate calling people I don’t know REALLY well on the phone. I hate ordering take-out. I won’t use the bathroom of a restaurant I haven’t eaten at unless it is a DIRE emergency. I still feel the need to talk to my mother every few days to keep me grounded. I wish I had finished college when I had the chance. I am stubborn. I like rules. People don’t like to play games with me because I adhere to the rules so strictly. I’m the polar opposite of selfish. I wish sometimes that I could learn to be a little more selfish.
I read for fun. In school I used to look forward to getting homework. I’m a geek. I used to cross stitch and my grandmother once showed me how to crochet. Those are the limits of my creative talents. Knitting may be the new yoga but I’m pretty darn good at the old yoga so I’ll stick with it. I am sarcastic. I might drink too much sometimes. I am the queen of multi-tasking. I make lists. I love to cross things off a list.
*I totally blame Dooce. Seriously – read the archives of the newsletters that she writes to her daughter every month… Or maybe? Don’t. Look what it is doing to me!
Friday, September 22, 2006
Things
Things that make me happy:
Itty bitty kitten faces.
Salons that serve wine.
Spending the weekend at the beach with my girls, celebrating Michele’s wedding in less than a month! I’m SO looking forward to relaxing and drinking wine and just hanging out with my friends.
Plans to see my mom next week. She’s been gone for over a month visiting my Aunt in Washington who recently had surgery. She’s a good sister but I’ve missed her!
8 DAYS TO CABO!!!
Things that make me unhappy:
Referrals that come by mail from a Doctor I’ve never seen, to Pathologist I’ve never seen, at Medical Center I’ve never been to, presumably resulting from a biopsy which still hurts, done by a Dermatologist who has never called me to let me know what the results were.
Mosquitoes swarming at my desk and the fact that the outside of my office building smells like piss. I think these things are related.
Thursday, September 21, 2006
Realizations
A couple nights ago I went out with TheBoy’s step-sister and a good friend to listen to live jazz, have dinner, drink some good wine and generally catch up. Over the years that TheBoy and I have been together I’ve really come to love his family and feel most days like they are my own. Recently his sister has moved closer to us and I’ve been dying to take advantage of this opportunity to have “girl time”.
As girls do, the conversation quickly turned to men, both Step-Sister and Good Friend are single and dating with new prospective love interests on the horizon. I love hearing all the new, first date jitters, the will he call, should I see him tonight, initial chemistry and attraction stories… It reminds me of when TheBoy and I first were dating.
And of course, no matter how hard I try for it not to, the conversation always turns to us, to me and TheBoy, our relationship check up if you will. But Step-Sister asked me something the other night that really made me stop and think, really THINK.
“What would you being doing differently now, if (TheBoy) weren’t in the picture?”
Maybe it was the martini I had while listening to the music and waiting for our table, maybe it was the glass of wine with dinner, or the two glasses afterwards… But for the first time I actually let myself think about the answers to this question.
Because really? What happily coupled person thinks about what their life would be like as a single? Isn’t that akin to waking up married but dreaming of divorce? It just seems like a bad idea to me – I’m committed to “us” so I make progress for “us” right? What’s this “me” stuff anyway.
But you know… I had some interesting realizations that night. About myself. About what I want for the future. And it wasn’t anything like what I thought they would be… It’s shocking for me to think too long about now, much less say aloud. I might even deny it in polite company. My friends would never in a million years believe me.
Is this what growing up is about? I stare at myself in the mirror in the mornings now and am not sure I recognize the woman I see reflected there.
As girls do, the conversation quickly turned to men, both Step-Sister and Good Friend are single and dating with new prospective love interests on the horizon. I love hearing all the new, first date jitters, the will he call, should I see him tonight, initial chemistry and attraction stories… It reminds me of when TheBoy and I first were dating.
And of course, no matter how hard I try for it not to, the conversation always turns to us, to me and TheBoy, our relationship check up if you will. But Step-Sister asked me something the other night that really made me stop and think, really THINK.
“What would you being doing differently now, if (TheBoy) weren’t in the picture?”
Maybe it was the martini I had while listening to the music and waiting for our table, maybe it was the glass of wine with dinner, or the two glasses afterwards… But for the first time I actually let myself think about the answers to this question.
Because really? What happily coupled person thinks about what their life would be like as a single? Isn’t that akin to waking up married but dreaming of divorce? It just seems like a bad idea to me – I’m committed to “us” so I make progress for “us” right? What’s this “me” stuff anyway.
But you know… I had some interesting realizations that night. About myself. About what I want for the future. And it wasn’t anything like what I thought they would be… It’s shocking for me to think too long about now, much less say aloud. I might even deny it in polite company. My friends would never in a million years believe me.
Is this what growing up is about? I stare at myself in the mirror in the mornings now and am not sure I recognize the woman I see reflected there.
Tuesday, September 19, 2006
Déjà vu
So here’s the part where I admit something totally candidly and y’all pretend NOT to think I have gone off the deep end. No really – no need for the white jackets… yet. You guys can not possibly think I am any crazier than I do myself right now.
So I think every one is familiar with the feeling of déjà vu no? That sense that you’ve been somewhere, done, felt or said something, or even been in a situation before? I have that feeling ALL THE TIME. Seriously. Sometimes it’s so strong that it makes me physically ill – I once literally FELL OVER. Not kidding. But you know what the scary part is? Not that I’m having these silly déjà vu feelings but that I’m having them for situations I’ve experienced in DREAMS.
Y’all?
Please, pretty please? Don’t back away from the monitor and look at me like that!
And you know what the worst part is? Sometimes in my dream I’m experiencing not so happy things you know. Like, for example, breaking up with my boyfriend. And then now, when I experience these stupid déjà vu feelings from… say reading the side of a box of pasta, or having a chat exchange with a friend, or reading something on a blog… it brings back all those other devastating feelings!
Maybe I should lay off the sauce.
So I think every one is familiar with the feeling of déjà vu no? That sense that you’ve been somewhere, done, felt or said something, or even been in a situation before? I have that feeling ALL THE TIME. Seriously. Sometimes it’s so strong that it makes me physically ill – I once literally FELL OVER. Not kidding. But you know what the scary part is? Not that I’m having these silly déjà vu feelings but that I’m having them for situations I’ve experienced in DREAMS.
Y’all?
Please, pretty please? Don’t back away from the monitor and look at me like that!
And you know what the worst part is? Sometimes in my dream I’m experiencing not so happy things you know. Like, for example, breaking up with my boyfriend. And then now, when I experience these stupid déjà vu feelings from… say reading the side of a box of pasta, or having a chat exchange with a friend, or reading something on a blog… it brings back all those other devastating feelings!
Maybe I should lay off the sauce.
Monday, September 18, 2006
100 Things
Sorry for the lame post guys... I have so much going on in my head but can't seem to get any of it out! Also, I practically slept the whole damn weekend away so I don't even have any interesting stories for you!
001. What is the best way to get over someone? Stay busy
002. What makeup do you wear on a daily basis? Mascara and chapstick
003. Is your AIM away message on? I don’t use AIM but I’m online on Google Chat
004. If you could eat one meal for the rest of your life, what would it be? Hmm… Mexican? Or does it have to be more specific than that? Grilled Chicken tostada with black beans.
005. What curse word do you use the most? Shit
006. Do you own an ipod? Yes
007. Who on your Myspace ” top 8 ” do you talk to the most? Ryan, Liz, Michele, Angie
008. What time is your alarm clock set for? 6:15
009. Have you ever bid for something on ebay? Yep
010. Do you wear flip-flops even when its cold outside? Yep
011. Where do you buy your groceries from? Safeway, Trader Joe’s and occasionally Whole Foods
012. Would you rather take the picture or be in the picture? Take
013. What was the last movie you watched? Three to Tango
014. Do any of your friends have children? Yes. Mar has Elly. Dave and Mandi have Mike. Tammie and Steve have Brad, Nick, Andrew and Maggie. Nitssia has Nikki and Marq.
015. If you won the lottery, whats the first thing you would buy? Depends on how much I won! A house maybe… After I paid off some debt.
016. Has anyone ever called you lazy? My mother I’m sure!
017. Do you ever take medication to help you fall asleep faster? No – I’m afraid!
018. What CD is currently in your CD player? Sugarland – “Twice the Speed of Life”
019. Do you prefer regular or chocolate milk? Chocolate but I shouldn’t have either
020. Has anyone told you a secret this week? LOL – yes actually
021. When was the last time someone hit on you? Um… last night
022. What did you have for dinner? I split chicken fajitas with my friend Brie
023. What is your biggest fear? Not being good enough
024. What color is your car? White with a tan top
025. Can you whistle? Yes but only the regular kind
026. What is your favorite Christmas/winter movie? The one with the elf who wants to be a dentist
027. Do you make your own jewelry? Lol – nope!
028. Have you ever participated in a protest? Yes - several
029. Who was the last person to call you? Hmm… My boss
030. What is your favorite ride at an amusement park? Something that spins!
031. What is something you must do everyday? Shower?
032. Have you ever dated one of your best friends? Is this a trick question? My boyfriend IS my best friend but he didn’t start that way… I don’t believe in dating friends… that’s why they are friends.
033. What area code are you in right now? 650
034. Did you watch cartoons as a child? Yes – and they were SO much better!
035. How big is your local mall? Ginormous! I still get lost.
036. What is your job title? Mortgage Sales Associate
037. What do you miss most? Summer vacation
038. Would you ever sky dive? I’ll never say never
039. What are you allergic to? Dairy and obnoxious children
040. What is your biggest regret? Oh my… just one?
041. Have you ever had Jamba Juice? Of course
042. When was the last time you laughed so hard your sides hurt? Hmmm… Sadly I can’t remember.
043. What movies do you know every line to? Lion King, Finding Nemo, Dirty Dancing, Top Gun
044. Do you own any band t-shirts? The Go-Go’s!
045. What is your favorite candle scent? Vanilla
046. How many aunts and uncles do you have? 3 Aunts and 1 Uncle on my mom’s side (I think I have 1 Aunt and 1 Uncle left on my father’s side but not sure)
047. When was your last plane ride? August 28th – home from Vegas!
048. Do you crack your knuckles? Yes – so bad!
049. How many chairs are at your dining room table? 2
050. What is your favorite salad dressing? Ranch – but I try to deny that urge and order balsamic vinegar only
051. Do you read for fun? Avidly.
052. Can you speak any languages other than English? Not fluently any more… Just a couple words here and there of Spanish. Some Hungarian.
053. Where is your cell phone? Right next to me – I just programmed in a friend’s number
054. Do you do your own dishes? Sadly yes – no dishwasher!
055. What color is your bedroom painted? White – it’s a rental
056. Are your parents divorced? Yes – since I was 2
057. Have you ever cried in public? Yes – I HATE that!
059. Which do you make Love or War? LOL – love I guess…
060. Are you always trying to learn new things? Absolutely
061. What messenger programs do you have? Google talk
062. Do you shower on a daily basis? Is this a real question?
063. Are you currently wanting any piercings or tattoos? Yes – I’m currently deciding which of 2 new ones I want to get first
064. Do you believe that the guy should pay on the first date? I believe whoever does the inviting should pay
065. Can you skip rocks? I think so – but I haven’t tried in a dozen years or more
067. Have you ever been to Jamaica? no
068. What do you snack on in the movies? nothing
069. Who was your favorite teacher? Dr. Carper – 8th grade
070. Have you ever dated someone out of your race? Yes
071. What is the weather like? Sunny and warm
072. Would you ever date someone covered in tattoos? Covered? No. With tattoos? Yes.
073. Do you have an online journal? You’re reading it!
074. Did you ever play Capture the Flag in school? Yes
075. What was your favorite class in high school? Western Civ
076. Do you sleep on your side, tummy, or back? Tummy
077. What personality trait is a must have in the preferred sex? Sense of humor
078. Have you ever been attracted to someone physically unattractive? How would I know if I’m attracted to them?
079. When was the last time you slept on the floor? Hmmm… Within the last year I’m sure…
080. What is your favorite alcoholic drink? Dirty martini, extra olives
081. If you were born the opposite sex, what would your name have been? I don’t know – I never asked
082. Do you like your living arrangement? I like the arrangement – not the apartment
083. Has anyone ever called you spoiled? My mother! But it’s her fault!
084. What is your mother and father’s hometowns? Hmm… My mom was born in Missouri but her hometown I would say is Bandon, OR. I have no idea about Jim.
085. Did you ever go to the same school as your parents? No.
086. How many hours of sleep do you need to function? 7
087. How much is gas where you live right now? Like $2.89 or so…
088. What was the last thing to scare you? The starter on the Bronco not working properly
089. Do you own a PlayStation? No
090. How many times have you brushed your teeth today? Once
092. What album did you buy last? Neil Young – “Living With War”
093. How many pairs of shoes do you own? Maybe 50?
094. Are your days full and fast-paced? For the most part
095. Did you ever get in trouble for talking in class? All the time
096. Is there carpet, wood or tile in the room you’re currently in? Carpet
097. Were you a “planned” child? I have no idea – again I never asked
098. What is your mom’s name? Melba
099. What is your dad’s name? Jim
100. How old will you be turning on your next birthday? 28
001. What is the best way to get over someone? Stay busy
002. What makeup do you wear on a daily basis? Mascara and chapstick
003. Is your AIM away message on? I don’t use AIM but I’m online on Google Chat
004. If you could eat one meal for the rest of your life, what would it be? Hmm… Mexican? Or does it have to be more specific than that? Grilled Chicken tostada with black beans.
005. What curse word do you use the most? Shit
006. Do you own an ipod? Yes
007. Who on your Myspace ” top 8 ” do you talk to the most? Ryan, Liz, Michele, Angie
008. What time is your alarm clock set for? 6:15
009. Have you ever bid for something on ebay? Yep
010. Do you wear flip-flops even when its cold outside? Yep
011. Where do you buy your groceries from? Safeway, Trader Joe’s and occasionally Whole Foods
012. Would you rather take the picture or be in the picture? Take
013. What was the last movie you watched? Three to Tango
014. Do any of your friends have children? Yes. Mar has Elly. Dave and Mandi have Mike. Tammie and Steve have Brad, Nick, Andrew and Maggie. Nitssia has Nikki and Marq.
015. If you won the lottery, whats the first thing you would buy? Depends on how much I won! A house maybe… After I paid off some debt.
016. Has anyone ever called you lazy? My mother I’m sure!
017. Do you ever take medication to help you fall asleep faster? No – I’m afraid!
018. What CD is currently in your CD player? Sugarland – “Twice the Speed of Life”
019. Do you prefer regular or chocolate milk? Chocolate but I shouldn’t have either
020. Has anyone told you a secret this week? LOL – yes actually
021. When was the last time someone hit on you? Um… last night
022. What did you have for dinner? I split chicken fajitas with my friend Brie
023. What is your biggest fear? Not being good enough
024. What color is your car? White with a tan top
025. Can you whistle? Yes but only the regular kind
026. What is your favorite Christmas/winter movie? The one with the elf who wants to be a dentist
027. Do you make your own jewelry? Lol – nope!
028. Have you ever participated in a protest? Yes - several
029. Who was the last person to call you? Hmm… My boss
030. What is your favorite ride at an amusement park? Something that spins!
031. What is something you must do everyday? Shower?
032. Have you ever dated one of your best friends? Is this a trick question? My boyfriend IS my best friend but he didn’t start that way… I don’t believe in dating friends… that’s why they are friends.
033. What area code are you in right now? 650
034. Did you watch cartoons as a child? Yes – and they were SO much better!
035. How big is your local mall? Ginormous! I still get lost.
036. What is your job title? Mortgage Sales Associate
037. What do you miss most? Summer vacation
038. Would you ever sky dive? I’ll never say never
039. What are you allergic to? Dairy and obnoxious children
040. What is your biggest regret? Oh my… just one?
041. Have you ever had Jamba Juice? Of course
042. When was the last time you laughed so hard your sides hurt? Hmmm… Sadly I can’t remember.
043. What movies do you know every line to? Lion King, Finding Nemo, Dirty Dancing, Top Gun
044. Do you own any band t-shirts? The Go-Go’s!
045. What is your favorite candle scent? Vanilla
046. How many aunts and uncles do you have? 3 Aunts and 1 Uncle on my mom’s side (I think I have 1 Aunt and 1 Uncle left on my father’s side but not sure)
047. When was your last plane ride? August 28th – home from Vegas!
048. Do you crack your knuckles? Yes – so bad!
049. How many chairs are at your dining room table? 2
050. What is your favorite salad dressing? Ranch – but I try to deny that urge and order balsamic vinegar only
051. Do you read for fun? Avidly.
052. Can you speak any languages other than English? Not fluently any more… Just a couple words here and there of Spanish. Some Hungarian.
053. Where is your cell phone? Right next to me – I just programmed in a friend’s number
054. Do you do your own dishes? Sadly yes – no dishwasher!
055. What color is your bedroom painted? White – it’s a rental
056. Are your parents divorced? Yes – since I was 2
057. Have you ever cried in public? Yes – I HATE that!
059. Which do you make Love or War? LOL – love I guess…
060. Are you always trying to learn new things? Absolutely
061. What messenger programs do you have? Google talk
062. Do you shower on a daily basis? Is this a real question?
063. Are you currently wanting any piercings or tattoos? Yes – I’m currently deciding which of 2 new ones I want to get first
064. Do you believe that the guy should pay on the first date? I believe whoever does the inviting should pay
065. Can you skip rocks? I think so – but I haven’t tried in a dozen years or more
067. Have you ever been to Jamaica? no
068. What do you snack on in the movies? nothing
069. Who was your favorite teacher? Dr. Carper – 8th grade
070. Have you ever dated someone out of your race? Yes
071. What is the weather like? Sunny and warm
072. Would you ever date someone covered in tattoos? Covered? No. With tattoos? Yes.
073. Do you have an online journal? You’re reading it!
074. Did you ever play Capture the Flag in school? Yes
075. What was your favorite class in high school? Western Civ
076. Do you sleep on your side, tummy, or back? Tummy
077. What personality trait is a must have in the preferred sex? Sense of humor
078. Have you ever been attracted to someone physically unattractive? How would I know if I’m attracted to them?
079. When was the last time you slept on the floor? Hmmm… Within the last year I’m sure…
080. What is your favorite alcoholic drink? Dirty martini, extra olives
081. If you were born the opposite sex, what would your name have been? I don’t know – I never asked
082. Do you like your living arrangement? I like the arrangement – not the apartment
083. Has anyone ever called you spoiled? My mother! But it’s her fault!
084. What is your mother and father’s hometowns? Hmm… My mom was born in Missouri but her hometown I would say is Bandon, OR. I have no idea about Jim.
085. Did you ever go to the same school as your parents? No.
086. How many hours of sleep do you need to function? 7
087. How much is gas where you live right now? Like $2.89 or so…
088. What was the last thing to scare you? The starter on the Bronco not working properly
089. Do you own a PlayStation? No
090. How many times have you brushed your teeth today? Once
092. What album did you buy last? Neil Young – “Living With War”
093. How many pairs of shoes do you own? Maybe 50?
094. Are your days full and fast-paced? For the most part
095. Did you ever get in trouble for talking in class? All the time
096. Is there carpet, wood or tile in the room you’re currently in? Carpet
097. Were you a “planned” child? I have no idea – again I never asked
098. What is your mom’s name? Melba
099. What is your dad’s name? Jim
100. How old will you be turning on your next birthday? 28
Thursday, September 14, 2006
Hung OVER
“Your boyfriend in an evil enabler.”
That was the first message I received upon logging in to my computer this morning.
Y’all. I LOVE my man.
You know it’s going to be a good night when the tequila shots start flowing at 6:30 pm. Then LawyerSean shows up with a 24 pack of cheap beer and he and TheBoy get started on that as I pour myself a glass of red wine left over from this weekend’s wedding wine tasting. Then BFL shows up with ANOTHER bottle of wine. There are more shots. More wine. I think I even drank a beer somewhere along the way. Good freaking times. I even managed to give myself a war wound in the form of a burn from the pot roast I made for dinner. Note to self: be careful when removing hot pans from oven while drunk.
On Tuesday I had a biopsy on my foot from the mosquito bites from hell that I got back in April that won’t go away. It’s awesome. I mean really… Y’all? Mosquito bites? Staph infection? Antibiotics that made me vomit? Twice? Steroids. Knee pain. Steroid shots in knee. Scars. Blood work. More blood work. X-Rays. Immune system in the crapper. And now just to add insult to injury I had a freaking piece of my flesh cut out of my foot! But they have no clue what’s wrong with me. Only that SOMETHING must be wrong because clearly I’m not healing and my immune system is shot.
Okay I’m done sounding bitter. Really. But wow. I’m a little overwhelmed with all this you know? I just keep reminding myself that it’s only 16 days until Cabo. I get my stitches out 4 days before we leave. I’m so ready for this…
16 days, 16 days, 16 days, 16 days…
That was the first message I received upon logging in to my computer this morning.
Y’all. I LOVE my man.
You know it’s going to be a good night when the tequila shots start flowing at 6:30 pm. Then LawyerSean shows up with a 24 pack of cheap beer and he and TheBoy get started on that as I pour myself a glass of red wine left over from this weekend’s wedding wine tasting. Then BFL shows up with ANOTHER bottle of wine. There are more shots. More wine. I think I even drank a beer somewhere along the way. Good freaking times. I even managed to give myself a war wound in the form of a burn from the pot roast I made for dinner. Note to self: be careful when removing hot pans from oven while drunk.
On Tuesday I had a biopsy on my foot from the mosquito bites from hell that I got back in April that won’t go away. It’s awesome. I mean really… Y’all? Mosquito bites? Staph infection? Antibiotics that made me vomit? Twice? Steroids. Knee pain. Steroid shots in knee. Scars. Blood work. More blood work. X-Rays. Immune system in the crapper. And now just to add insult to injury I had a freaking piece of my flesh cut out of my foot! But they have no clue what’s wrong with me. Only that SOMETHING must be wrong because clearly I’m not healing and my immune system is shot.
Okay I’m done sounding bitter. Really. But wow. I’m a little overwhelmed with all this you know? I just keep reminding myself that it’s only 16 days until Cabo. I get my stitches out 4 days before we leave. I’m so ready for this…
16 days, 16 days, 16 days, 16 days…
Wednesday, September 13, 2006
No Fear?
Someone, a person much wiser than me, said to me recently that fear has no place in true love. They believe that in order to love someone, truly, you must abandon all thoughts of being hurt, of loss, and concentrate fully in the moment. You must give way to the emotions you are feeling without thinking of their consequence.
I think I’ve lost some of my ability to do this. Lately, in the last several days, weeks and months, I find myself loving a little more cautiously. I still love, with a depth of emotion that frightens me at times, and yet I find myself holding back, keeping one eye towards the future. And now that I’ve recognized it in myself? I still can’t seem to stop.
Because here’s the thing… It’s hard to give 100% of yourself to something if you don’t feel like you are getting 100% back. BFL says that in every relationship one person takes on the role of the Lover and one the Beloved. But what happens when the Lover wants to switch roles and become the Beloved?
I think I’ve lost some of my ability to do this. Lately, in the last several days, weeks and months, I find myself loving a little more cautiously. I still love, with a depth of emotion that frightens me at times, and yet I find myself holding back, keeping one eye towards the future. And now that I’ve recognized it in myself? I still can’t seem to stop.
Because here’s the thing… It’s hard to give 100% of yourself to something if you don’t feel like you are getting 100% back. BFL says that in every relationship one person takes on the role of the Lover and one the Beloved. But what happens when the Lover wants to switch roles and become the Beloved?
Friday, September 08, 2006
Expressive
I have so much going on in my mind right now guys. I’ve started to write something here several times and it all seems so… hollow. It’s a fine line I walk between wanting to honestly share my feelings and express myself through my writing and yet wanting to hold something back. Once you say things you can’t take them back. That’s a lesson I’ve learned well over the years.
I’ll let y’all in on a little secret about me. I’m actually NOT all that good at expressing myself. Not in person anyway. Whenever there is a conversation about MY feelings or MY happiness I tend to avoid it like the plague. I’m so worried that I’ll say the wrong thing or come across in some negative way that I didn’t mean that I seem to choke over my own words. They never come.
I also cry during conversations that involve feelings. A LOT. Not because I’m being manipulative or whatever it is guys automatically think. Do guys actually think we LIKE sniveling and having runny noses? I think it totally undermines whatever point I’m trying to make AND it’s embarrassing. I hate it. I hate myself when I do it. But I can’t stop the tears from coming. It’s fucking annoying.
Why can’t we just write letters? Like people used to “in the good old days”? Writing gives me time to go back and re-think and re-work and edit to my little obsessive compulsive heart’s content. But who am I kidding? I can’t even bring myself to be 100% honest and open in my writing. Must I always hold something back?
Sorry for the rambling… if you want something lighter go here and check out the place we’ll be staying in Cabo. Pretty sweet no? Can’t wait! 21 days and counting…
I’ll let y’all in on a little secret about me. I’m actually NOT all that good at expressing myself. Not in person anyway. Whenever there is a conversation about MY feelings or MY happiness I tend to avoid it like the plague. I’m so worried that I’ll say the wrong thing or come across in some negative way that I didn’t mean that I seem to choke over my own words. They never come.
I also cry during conversations that involve feelings. A LOT. Not because I’m being manipulative or whatever it is guys automatically think. Do guys actually think we LIKE sniveling and having runny noses? I think it totally undermines whatever point I’m trying to make AND it’s embarrassing. I hate it. I hate myself when I do it. But I can’t stop the tears from coming. It’s fucking annoying.
Why can’t we just write letters? Like people used to “in the good old days”? Writing gives me time to go back and re-think and re-work and edit to my little obsessive compulsive heart’s content. But who am I kidding? I can’t even bring myself to be 100% honest and open in my writing. Must I always hold something back?
Sorry for the rambling… if you want something lighter go here and check out the place we’ll be staying in Cabo. Pretty sweet no? Can’t wait! 21 days and counting…
What the heck?
So which is it?
or
All I know is... I apparently look much more manly with my hair up! :)
or
All I know is... I apparently look much more manly with my hair up! :)
Wednesday, September 06, 2006
30 before the BIG 3 - 0
I sat down sometime after turning 20 and wrote a list of things I wanted to accomplish in the next decade. I then promptly lost that list. This is probably for the best as I'm sure I would have depressed myself to no end seeing how ambitious my 20 year old brain was. I'm almost certain it contained things like "graduate college" but also "go to law school" and most likely "get married".
I now present to you the NEW and IMPROVED "30 things to accomplish before 30" list. And only one of those things I mentioned above is still on this list. What can I say? I'm older, wiser and also much more realistic. I only have two and a half years to work with here people! Time to get cracking!
I'll check in and let y'all know when I accomplish stuff. Not that you care necessarily. But... You know, accountability and all that.
**********
1) Get another* tattoo (or two)
2) Hike Half Dome in Yosemite
3) Run another** half marathon (or three)
4) Learn to ride a bike (well)
5) Train for and complete a triathlon (should work on #4 first eh?)
6) Buy a house
7) Pay off soul-sucking debt
8) Decide what I want to be when I grow up - something that inspires me
9) Move out of the Bay Area
10) See a Broadway show - on Broadway***
11) Finish college (See? Still on the list!)
12) Volunteer for an organization I believe in
13) Get a dog
14) Learn to play tennis
15) Finally learn to line dance****
16) Take salsa dancing lessons
17) Travel alone
18) Take my mom on a trip somewhere - just the two of us
19) See the Grand Canyon
20) Go white water rafting
21) Travel to Italy
22) Go to Oktoberfest in Germany
23) Take more***** culinary classes (I'm insatiable I tell you!)
24) Drive up the West Coast
25) Plan a trip away with my girls (no boys allowed!)
26) See Burney Falls
27) Go to the driving range
28) Go back to visit Texas
29) Swim with dolphins
30) Work on a political campaign (maybe my guy will win damn it!)
*Already have one. Would have been on the original list too so we could just call this one checked off but I want at least one more for sure so... It stays.
**Ran a half marathon last July. Also ran a full marathon in June of 2002 but don't think I'll do that again. Too much strain on the poor knees! Marathon running also would have been on the original list but I really want to do another half so again... It stays.
***I've seen loads of Broadway plays. But I want to go to the Great White Way. You know. Theater buff and all.
****I mean really. With lessons. Not just standing at the back of the dance floor staring at people's feet and trying not to get trampled.
*****I've taken classes at CCA through their weekend program and was accepted to the full time program which ideally I'd still LOVE to do but... Who knows. Right now I'd just settle for some more weekend or evening classes at Sur La Table or Williams Sonoma.
I now present to you the NEW and IMPROVED "30 things to accomplish before 30" list. And only one of those things I mentioned above is still on this list. What can I say? I'm older, wiser and also much more realistic. I only have two and a half years to work with here people! Time to get cracking!
I'll check in and let y'all know when I accomplish stuff. Not that you care necessarily. But... You know, accountability and all that.
**********
1) Get another* tattoo (or two)
2) Hike Half Dome in Yosemite
3) Run another** half marathon (or three)
4) Learn to ride a bike (well)
5) Train for and complete a triathlon (should work on #4 first eh?)
6) Buy a house
7) Pay off soul-sucking debt
8) Decide what I want to be when I grow up - something that inspires me
9) Move out of the Bay Area
10) See a Broadway show - on Broadway***
11) Finish college (See? Still on the list!)
12) Volunteer for an organization I believe in
13) Get a dog
14) Learn to play tennis
15) Finally learn to line dance****
16) Take salsa dancing lessons
17) Travel alone
18) Take my mom on a trip somewhere - just the two of us
19) See the Grand Canyon
20) Go white water rafting
21) Travel to Italy
22) Go to Oktoberfest in Germany
23) Take more***** culinary classes (I'm insatiable I tell you!)
24) Drive up the West Coast
25) Plan a trip away with my girls (no boys allowed!)
26) See Burney Falls
27) Go to the driving range
28) Go back to visit Texas
29) Swim with dolphins
30) Work on a political campaign (maybe my guy will win damn it!)
*Already have one. Would have been on the original list too so we could just call this one checked off but I want at least one more for sure so... It stays.
**Ran a half marathon last July. Also ran a full marathon in June of 2002 but don't think I'll do that again. Too much strain on the poor knees! Marathon running also would have been on the original list but I really want to do another half so again... It stays.
***I've seen loads of Broadway plays. But I want to go to the Great White Way. You know. Theater buff and all.
****I mean really. With lessons. Not just standing at the back of the dance floor staring at people's feet and trying not to get trampled.
*****I've taken classes at CCA through their weekend program and was accepted to the full time program which ideally I'd still LOVE to do but... Who knows. Right now I'd just settle for some more weekend or evening classes at Sur La Table or Williams Sonoma.
Tuesday, September 05, 2006
Everything
He said, “Meeting her changed my life. Made me a better person. A good person.”
“You weren’t a good person before?” Someone asked.
“No… It’s just that… Nothing was right before. Nothing fit. I thought I was happy but I wasn’t. She changed everything for me. She’s my everything. She quite possibly saved my life.”
*****
The above conversation went on in that manner for several minutes. I wasn’t directly involved in it, instead I was chatting about college with TheBoy’s niece, but we both stopped to listen. By the time he finished, with a kiss to his wife, there wasn’t a dry female eye on the boat. As he was speaking I had to will myself not to look at TheBoy, certain I wouldn’t be able to keep the tears at bay, hating myself for the ache of longing that was spreading through my stomach.
I think all women want THAT kind of love. To think that they’ve made a significant impact on the lives of their man. To feel desired, wanted, needed. Important somehow. Like, if we were gone we’d be missed. It’s why we crave compliments. Why we’re constantly dissecting their actions for hidden meanings… We want to be someone's everything.
I’m of the school of thought that men are MUCH simpler than that. There are no hidden meanings behind their actions. They either do something or they don’t. Because they want to or they don’t. And lately? That thinking is making me sad.
Everything?
“You weren’t a good person before?” Someone asked.
“No… It’s just that… Nothing was right before. Nothing fit. I thought I was happy but I wasn’t. She changed everything for me. She’s my everything. She quite possibly saved my life.”
*****
The above conversation went on in that manner for several minutes. I wasn’t directly involved in it, instead I was chatting about college with TheBoy’s niece, but we both stopped to listen. By the time he finished, with a kiss to his wife, there wasn’t a dry female eye on the boat. As he was speaking I had to will myself not to look at TheBoy, certain I wouldn’t be able to keep the tears at bay, hating myself for the ache of longing that was spreading through my stomach.
I think all women want THAT kind of love. To think that they’ve made a significant impact on the lives of their man. To feel desired, wanted, needed. Important somehow. Like, if we were gone we’d be missed. It’s why we crave compliments. Why we’re constantly dissecting their actions for hidden meanings… We want to be someone's everything.
I’m of the school of thought that men are MUCH simpler than that. There are no hidden meanings behind their actions. They either do something or they don’t. Because they want to or they don’t. And lately? That thinking is making me sad.
Everything?
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