Thursday, February 23, 2006

Anger Management

“Tiffany has issues with anger.”

That statement came home with me from school every time there was a progress report. Anger Issues. I’ve been told it by every medical professional and guidance counselor I’ve ever been to. I bet those of you who know me are saying, “You never seem angry!” And you’re right. I’m not ever angry – at you. But some days (or if I’m being honest, MOST days) I really hate myself. Does anyone else go through this? I mean real true anger, almost rage, directed internally?

I’m not talking about the “gosh, I’m fat today” or “why can’t I be more motivated” little annoyances we feel towards ourselves from time to time. I’m as guilty as the next girl of having pizza for dinner and then being angry with myself for doing it, or of sleeping in instead of getting up and then being annoyed all day that I didn’t get a work out in. I think those things are normal. It’s conscience. It’s self-preservation. It makes us order vegetables with dinner and wake up early for the gym on other days.

Sometimes people notice it. TheBoy sometimes notices it. And being the good boyfriend that he is, he wants to help. To fix it. To fix me. He’s positively certifiable if the thinks I will ever share with him all of the thoughts in my head. I mean really, why confuse him with the grey? Someone wiser than myself told me that men see mainly in black and white. Grey confuses them. Black and White. I’ll keep it black and white because otherwise he may learn that it’s actually me who is certifiable.

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