Thursday, February 16, 2006

Open letter to the people in my Yoga class

Dear fellow Yogins and Yoginis*,

I realize that I am a recent addition to your class. I’m a little late in jumping on the whole Yoga bandwagon but I truly have come to appreciate the strength and flexibility Yoga provides. Also, the calmative effects of a class aren’t too shabby either. It is because of my newness to this activity that I have hesitated in mentioning what I’m about to, however, I can not possibly go on in silence any longer.

People. Let’s talk about grooming. Since Yoga is a sport one participates in barefoot let’s discuss a few ground rules. Feet should be clean. I’m not talking full pedicure with polished toes clean (men, please do not polish your toes), I just should not be able to see the dirt between your toes and under your toenails from my mat roughly 4 feet away. While upside down.

Also, please clip your toenails to a reasonable length. Just a general rule of thumb, if they puncture your mat while you are standing in tree? That’s too long. I realize that people get calluses on the bottoms of their feet. I do. I wear ridiculously uncomfortable (but CUTE!) shoes almost everyday and therefore have had my share of calluses. PLEASE refrain from picking at your calluses during class. The sound you make while trying to pry the roughened skin off your heel with your fingernails is seriously distracting.

Now let’s talk about proper attire. During the course of a class it’s entirely possible that we will be hanging upside down, lying with our legs and or butts in the air and twisted into pretzel-like shapes. If we’re lucky it’ll be a good combination of the three. Given that, please be sure that whatever clothing you shoes to wear to class allows for you to remain decent in any position. Ladies: loose fitting tank tops with no bra? NO! Men: running shorts with a sheer built-in underwear thing (or better yet – NO underwear thing)? Double NO! Please y’all, it is not good for my serenity to look over to see your saggy boobs or hairy nut sack.

And last, but not least, I know that some of us work out before we come to Yoga. Hell class doesn’t start until 7:30 – I might as well get a run in right? However, if you have worked out so hard that you have sweat through not one but three layers of gym clothes and you have trouble standing in poses because you are too slippery with sweat you might want to consider wiping down before class. Maybe another set of clothes? Sitting around in wet clothes can’t be warm. Or comfortable. Also, I hear they have these things in the locker room called showers. I’m just saying.


A novice Yogini
(who maybe has a few OCD issues)

*Yes I totally looked up the term for students studying Yoga. Shut up!


Michele said...

Funny! Oh, and terribly gross.

mary said...

How incredibly and utterly disgusting. And very very true.

Liz said...

You tell em sweetie. Thankfully I don't take Yoga as often as you do, or I am completely concentrating in the current pretzel move, to notice such atrocities.

Becky said...

LOL holy crap i'm laughing my butt off. I'm so with you on this one. Why do men even wear those shorts? Hairy ball sacs...gross toenails....i hear ya girl!