Monday, November 21, 2005

Road Rage Pick Up Lines?

A funny thing happened on the way to the forum...

Okay well actually I was on my way to pick up TheBoy's wallet, which he had conveniently left at work... I guess it's a good sign that he's as distracted as I am with all the stress that's been going around us lately.

Anywho... So I'm driving down the expressway and I notice this red mustang following really closely behind me. But this is Silicon Valley so it doesn't really phase me. After awhile he changes lanes but because there is traffic (it's like 4:30 in the afternoon on a Thursday) he never gets very far ahead of me. This apparently is annoying him. As we approach the exit I am taking he randomly slams on his brakes from the left lane and cuts across behind me to take the same exit.

Now the "exit" to get to TheBoy's office is one of those clover leaf design ones. Where you go around and under the street you were just on? And there is a stop sign at the end of the ramp because the street it dumps you onto is busy. Being the law-abiding citizen that I am, I stopped at the stop sign. And then I hear this ear-piercing squealing sound and look in my rear view mirror just in time to see my friend in the red mustang careening to a stop a few inches from my bumper. Apparently he wasn't so keen on obeying traffic signs.

And y'all. He is screaming and cursing and waiving his hands around like a maniac! I seriously sat there in stunned silence for a few minutes to digest this. Which is, of course, the exact wrong thing to do because it's making him more angry! Apparently he had some place very important to be. But because I am a nice person, and because I felt slightly guilty for laughing at him in case he did have somewhere to be (maybe surgery? anger management class?) I raised my hand in a "so sorry for obeying the law by stopping at the clearly marked stop sign and therefore causing you to nearly wreck your car" waive and merged into traffic.

Apparently my wave didn't have the desired effect. Mustang boy comes flying out into traffic, without stopping at the stop sign, narrowly missing the car he cut off and drives right up on my bumper. This is when Tiffy starts to get scared. Clearly this guy is mentally imbalanced! But I calmly take the turn which leads to TheBoy's office. And guess what? Mustang boy turned too! This is not a happy coincidence! Also, I should add that he's still screaming and waiving his hands and sending generally threatening vibes my way.

So what could I do? I pulled my car into a parking space outside the office and jumped out ready to sprint inside to safety with the desired effect of having several of the men inside accompany back out to my car just in case Mustang boy decided to stick around.

Just as I get out of my car and slam the door Mustang boy pulls up. Now y'all, I won't lie, I was no longer amused. In fact I was bordering on down right frightened at this point. So Mustang boy pulls up, looks over and utters the following words:

"Hey sorry about that back there... Maybe I could buy you dinner to make up for it?"

(insert stunned silence here)

Excuse me? Is this some new form of pick up line? Extreme dating the road rage edition? Is there any woman out there remotely turned on at this point thinking - oh yes please, I like Italian?

I can't even recall now what I said as I dashed off into the building. And thankfully Mustang boy had driven off before I made it back out.

That my friends is yet another reason to fear road rage.

4 comments:

kate said...

Okay. First of all, he's a freaking moron to get so worked up. Second, you're nuts for offering to take the moron to dinner. LOL. Even though it was very nice of you. Third, he's just a moron.

Tiffany said...

LOL - Kate - HE invited ME to dinner! It was crazy!

kate said...

Oh! I'm so sorry. I must be dyslexic. I don't know how I got that wrong. LOL.

Liz said...

What you weren't swept off your feet???