Thursday, December 01, 2005

Open Letter to the Manufacturers of Auto-Flush Toilets

Dear Sirs,

I realize that the innovation of a toilet that flushes on it’s own without people having to actually touch a handle was a wonderful day for mankind. I was just as tired as the next girl of balancing on one foot while I kicked the handle with the other. Truly you men possess great mental prowess and should be applauded.

So it is therefore with great sadness that I point out one tiny little flaw in your design. Because clearly you must not be aware of this flaw or there would have been a nationwide re-call on toilets. And while I realize that the logistics of removing and replacing, or retrofitting 100’s of 1000’s of toilets may be a bit daunting, I’m sure that once I have enlightened you to my plight you will understand the necessity of exactly that.

According the US Department of Health and Human Services the average American woman is 5’3.7” tall, or for sake of ease, roughly 5’4”. Keeping in mind that this is the “average” you must therefore assume that approximately half of women are shorter than this. I am one of these “petite” women.

I believe that if you examine your product closely, you will see that the sensor which tells the toilet whether someone is sitting or standing is positioned so that a petite woman is barely registering. In most public restrooms the toilet paper is located just slightly out of easily reachable distance, at least for the petite woman. The effect of this being that in order to reach the TP a woman must lean forward thus removing her from her place in front of the sensor which she barely triggered in the first place resulting in a bit of unexpected and unwanted splashing of cold water and toilet bowl contents.

That’s not a very pleasant thought is it? I’m sure that, now that you are aware of this most distressing defect in your product, you will be taking immediate measures to remedy the situation in order to alleviate the unnecessary pain and suffering that your toilets are unwittingly causing for petite women everywhere.

Because hell hath no fury like a woman with a soggy bottom.


A concerned (and splashed) petite woman


Tiffany said...

Thats cute!

Have a great weekend!

Becky said...

Classic! Love the end!

Anonymous said...

what a great letter. you write very, very well. lol.