I do not particularly like children.
That comment above usually wins me a look of horror (you monster how could you not like the most precious gift of all!) or one of abject pity (oh poor woman something tragic must have happened to her in her childhood). Well I am here to set the record straight.
I am NOT a horrible person. And I've also come to realize that it's not children that I don't like, per se, it's parents. Now don't get me wrong, I definitely don't like the drooling and the whining and the general messiness that is children. But what really gets on my nerves is the parent's sense of entitlement. Just because you think your children are brilliant does not mean that I do or will.
Child/Parent combinations that have driven me crazy in the last 24 hours:
To the screaming (and I mean full on hyena wails here) child and mother in Starbucks, OBVIOUSLY there is something wrong with your child. Please do not stand calmly in line waiting for your mocha. Take the screamer outside and figure it out. Do you not notice the glaring looks of EVERYONE around you INCLUDING the employees? It is early in the morning, none of us have had coffee, there is a distinct urge to drown your child (or you) in a vat of steaming Breakfast Blend. You have been warned.
To the couple with the hyper-active school age children at the Taqueria, please put a leash on your children. The rest of the patrons in the restaurant do not want to be jostled, or have our feet stepped on, or our food inspected by your two grubby little brats. This is not McDonald's, notice the lack of a PlayLand? If your children can not behave in a restaurant I have two words for you, Drive Thru.
Yes. I know, I'll give you a second to let the gasping die away. But I really am NOT horrible. I'm not. Maybe just impatient. And a little anal retentive. I would now like a chance to redeem myself.
That is the adorable Miss Elly, about a month after she was born. The fact that she is now a bouncing toddler of 2 does not mean I don't like her. It means her mother moved to Watsonville and I am a bad friend. Also, notice I totally have my mother's nose!
The adorable Mr. Will. Notice the smile on my face while holding him? I LOVED it. He had a little arm wrapped around each side and just nuzzled in and went to sleep. Too cute! Major stress reliever. Also, note the double chin. This was several months ago. Before Christmas.
That's the equally adorable Mr. Jack eating/napping on his "Auntie" Liz. There is no point to this story in relation to that photograph. I just thought you might want to see both Park twins. Aren't they cute? They're HUGE now apparently. And not quite as fond of cuddling. But still adorable I'm sure.