Wednesday, October 12, 2005

Pepper Spray. Or why Men should NOT sneak up on Women.

TheBoy bought me pepper spray a few years ago when I took up running again. I guess he figured the risk of me spraying myself with pepper spray was sufficiently low in relation to the risk of me being attacked while running.

He of course felt no qualms what-so-ever about moving me into the scary neighborhood we live in now... Because it has a 2 car garage. 2 whole cars! *sigh* He didn't even seem overly concerned when I got stopped by a police officer as I was getting out of my car who politely informed me that he wished me and my friend would not run around the neighborhood after dark.

So I have started getting into the habit of carrying the stupid pepper spray. Not all the time, mind. Just when I'm walking by myself to the gym. Or when I'm walking out to the car at 5:00 am on my way to boot camp. You know. It just makes me feel better.

(I realize that the "feeling better" is arbitrary and probably wrong. I do.)

This morning I almost sprayed some poor guy!

But seriously. Men - DO NOT sneak up on unsuspecting women in the dark. You have been warned. There I was rumaging in my trunk for something, minding my own business when I heard a male voice say "excuse me". Now I realize that excuse me is a polite thing to say. But male voices coming from within feet of me, for the most part, are TERRIFYING in the dark.

Luckily I still had the pepper spray in hand. I spun around with my heart hammering and my finger on the trigger fully prepared to do battle for my honor when I came face to face with a terrified middle aged man in jogging shorts. I don't know what it is about men in jogging shorts that just make them look so... vulnerable. Seriously, I think the guy almost crapped in his pants. I could practically SEE his life flashing in front of his eyes!

I think I scared us both! Anywho. I finally acknowledged his question and managed to answer calmly. Though I did keep a tight grip on the pepper spray and a thumb firmly on the trigger until he left. I don't think that guy understands how close he came to excruciating and searing pain. I saw Jackass. I know that shit has GOT to be painful!

So men out there - be warned. We women these days are ARMED and DANGEROUS!

Also, you probably shouldn't sneak up on us. Ever.


kate said...

Poor guy. LOL. But I understand. My brother got me Mace so I can be protected. It makes me feel safer to cause you never know what can happen.

Liz said...

LMAO- Thank you for the morning humor. I couldn't stop laughing. Poor guy, but I agree that men needs to proceed with caution when approaching women when there backs are turned. Or suffer the consequenses.